I just don't know where to go from here... advice?

[AshleyNichole]

Hey everyone,

 

I just found this site a few days ago and I could really use some advice from people outside the situation, so I'd appreciate anything you have to offer. And sorry in advance if this is kinda long... it's just a complicated situation (aren't they all?).

 

So the gist of of my problem is that I think I'm in love with my currently engaged ex boyfriend. I know it sounds bad, and it is, but it took a lot to get me to this point.

 

We met when I was 18 and he was 23. At the time he was dating someone so even though we felt that instant connection, he didn't ask me out for a couple of months. After that things progressed really fast and I fell head over heels for this guy even though he's definitely not what I would consider "my type."

 

The big problem was that he was a farmer in a rural area... the same area I'd basically been trying to get out of my entire life. I was accepted to a great school out of state but I considered applying to the local state college to be close to him. The fact that I even considered that was HUGE, considering the only thing I ever wanted to do was get out. But in the end I decided that moving out on my own was something that I needed to experience and off I went.

 

We stayed close friends while I was at college and we'd always hang out every time I came home. The first year or so I really wanted to make a go of a long distance relationship but that was something he was always against. After a few years of friendship, he told me he still had really strong feelings for me and wanted to try again, but at that point I just thought it was too late.

 

We've stayed really close and he's continued to tell me that he still cares about me and how he wishes things could still work out between us. Honestly, I always thought we'd get a chance to try again. Now all of a sudden he tells me he's engaged to someone he's only been dating for four months!

 

He's talked about wanting us to get closure before he gets married but he still admits that he cares about me and wishes it would work out. I don't want to cause problems with his engagement if this is really want he wants but I'm afraid it's not... and this may be my last chance to tell him that I still care so much about him.

 

And even if I told him and he wanted to give us a try, that's no guarantee it would work out between us. After all he's still a farmboy/firefighter and I still have my heart set (at least temporarily) on a bigger city.

 

Is it fair to talk to him about this even though I don't have it all figured out myself? I just don't want to hurt him if he's really happy... but I'd hate to always be left a "what if."

 

I know that was super long and ya'll probably don't care to hear most of it but I REALLY needed to vent. So thanks... and sorry.

 

Any advice???

[SicFounder]

You should tell him how you feel.

 

But he does want to stay and you want out. If getting out is best for you, maybe you should do what's best for you. If staying is best for him then he'll probably stay his whole life. So that's the kind of stuff you should look into.