fivespot Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Hey...I just wanted to check in and say I've hit another milestone: 3 full months of absolute NC. I'm taking things one day at a time. I know I should feel good that I made it this far, but I don't. I only feel upset that I'm STILL not fully healed. I don't feel the extreme heartbreak I used to. Now I just carry around this dull, almost numbing pain. I'm not happy or sad, I'm just here. It's hard to explain how I feel right now. I guess I'm still upset about losing my ex, but looking back, I now realize she was never right for me. I look back on our relationship, and the relationships (romantic or just friendship) with other girls in my past and I get depressed knowing that I have never even met a girl I truly connect with. I think that's what upsets me the most now. I didn't connect with my ex, but I made myself believe that I did because the alternative was just too painful to realize i'd been wasting my time on a person that I loved, but still wasn't right. I'm not sure where I'm going or what the future holds. Sometimes I still wish I'd hear from her and she'd say she wants to try again, and I know it would be wrong, but I guess that goes to show I'm still not over her because I'd still be willing to give it another shot. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Kudo to you. Get out there and find yourself another woman. Link to comment
fivespot Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 Thanks! That's just it, though. I don't want anyone else. I dated a few other girls and I was bored to death with them. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Keep searching buddy. There's someone out there for you. You've gotta let the other girl go. Link to comment
hamsalad Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Thanks! That's just it, though. I don't want anyone else. I dated a few other girls and I was bored to death with them. I am in the same spot as you, but it's been just a little over 30 days. I was on the fast track to getting over it. Monumental amounts of energy were required, but it's been working well. I am now at the point where I do not, would not, want her back. Ever. Like IMAbadman said...get out there and find another woman. I am taking that to heart! Forward, soldiers! Link to comment
petite Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I recently came out of a relationship, so I know how it is. Difference with us is we are still kind of in contact, but I think I will end that very soon. Link to comment
j0shua Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 good job, i know its hard. wanting to give it another shot shows that you are human, and that you have lost a love. i think we are all 'guilty' of this from time to time. i have to have contact w/ the ex-wife over the house and kids, and hearing her voice and seeing her (not to mention writing her a check every week) tends to make things harder. you are blessed to not be in such a position. Link to comment
musashi Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I am coming up on 90 days here in a few days and I am like you: numb. I am having a very hard time finding joy in anything but I am not laying around feeling sorry for myself and pining over my lost love anymore. I have actually had a few days here and there were I feel on top of the world again but for the most part I am like a zombie just going through the motions. I know what you mean about the exes, as well. I never really dated anyone that I connected with either. Except the last one. We connected very well. I think it is one of the reasons why I have been so tore up over this BU. It is so rare to find someone that you never fight with, laugh with all the time, feel good around, and make you want to experience life with them, that when it is gone it hurts to know that it will probably be a long time before you ever find that connection again. I was ten years her senior and, I think as I get older, I tend to live more in the moment. I recognize special things that are happening now instead of running through them thinking that there are plenty more where that came from. I have had a string of LTR while she had a long string of very short relationships. I do not think that she recognized the unique bonding that we had and figures that it will be easy to find elsewhere. We are well on the road to healing, that is the good part. I think the numbness will give way to slight joy which will in turn give way to complete happiness. Link to comment
Munkie Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Wow, exactly where I'm at, except for me it has been over 120 days. I have not seen or talked to her, and I know nothing of her whereabout. It feel so damn good. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Well spoken Master Jedi. I am but a small fry, someday to I will be a Jedi. Link to comment
j0shua Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 musashi: that swingers quote is perfect... i need to watch that movie again. it has helped me through break ups in the past... Link to comment
fivespot Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 Difference with us is we are still kind of in contact, but I think I will end that very soon. It has to end VERY soon if you are still in love with him. The problem with staying in contact--at least with me--was I always had that slight bit of hope left that maybe, just MAYBE if I can stay friends, she'll eventually want me back. Fat chance! You just end up lying to yourself about the situation until both of you are frustrated and angry at each other. In my situation, I was stuck in limbo and she was just fine going out and dating other people. you are blessed to not be in such a position. [/Quote] Well, I guess this doesn't make you feel any better, but yeah, I guess I am lucky things never got to that point. I guess it's the old story, no matter how bad things seem, they could always be worse. Good luck with you situation, though. I know it must be REALLY rough. Except the last one. We connected very well. I think it is one of the reasons why I have been so tore up over this BU. [/Quote] See, that's what I said about my ex for months...that we connected so well, that she was perfect for me, we were so great together. And there is some truth to that. The only problem is, she connects well with EVERYBODY, not just me. Everyone I know that knows her says what an awesome personality she has. So for as much as I want to believe we had something special, I know that I could have just as well been anybody, and I'm sure lots of people feel like they have a special connection with her. But that never helped my case. I just started to admit this to myself recently...that we only had a special, but generic, connection. Where I felt she's the only person I could ever open up like the way I did and I was never this close to someone else before, she was just as close--or closer--to many other people besides me. In short, I never felt like I was special to her. My mind made me deny that for years, but it's the truth. So, honestly, 90 days in, and strict NC during those 90 days, I feel like I want to give up on love. I don't feel like it's a bad thing...if anything I can concentrate more on myself. I'm not quite sure the "high" of being in love is worth the disappointment that comes with dating and the heartbreak that comes with breakups. Of course, I'm starting to question whether or not I've ever even been in love! If it was one-sided, then that's not really love, now is it? Link to comment
musashi Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 musashi: that swingers quote is perfect... i need to watch that movie again. it has helped me through break ups in the past... Best breakup movie ever. I think I might watch it again tonight. I wish I were back in my twenties again so that I could just go out to Vegas or bars and parties like I used to. This crap is getting harder the older I get Link to comment
musashi Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Wow. That is so funny because I have been thinking the same thing lately. Did we really have a "special" connection or was it just a facade? Everybody loved her and thought that she was great. Nobody ever had anything but kind words about her. Looking back on how she ended our relationship without even really trying to work things out has made me question if I knew her at all really. I do know that she put up a good face around people, never complained, always upbeat, always happy, but I saw a different side of her. I do recognize some deceit on her part looking back on hindsight and it makes me wonder if I was only dating a shell of a person. As a case in point, I dated this girl for about seven years a while back. When I first met her she laughed and giggled at everything I said. I thought "damn, this girl really thinks I am funny". It was not until a few months into the relationship that I realized that she laughed and giggled at everything ANYBODY said. I even tested it out one day by having a friend of mine walk up to her and say "Dead hamsters on fire in a barrel" for no reason. She giggled her ass off. It was a revelation that I had to start seeing people in context of how they act around me as well as everybody else. I am so much not interested in love right now. I am giving myself at least a year to be single and work on myself. No relationships allowed. It is very hard for me because I have always had a girlfriend. I would jump from one LTR to another within weeks. I have always found it easy to get a girlfriend and the temptation of having someone is very strong. Unfortunately, I have always settled on girls, instead of having very high standards and sticking to them. Looking back on all of my exes - excluding the last one - I can truly say that I am glad that I am not with them anymore. Hopefully I will be saying that about this last one soon. The more I analyze the situation and the more objective and distant I become, the more I am seeing that it was probably all for the best. Link to comment
fivespot Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 The more I analyze the situation and the more objective and distant I become, the more I am seeing that it was probably all for the best. I'm starting to come to this conclusion, too. The funny thing is, coming to this conclusion may be healthy for me, but it still doesn't make me feel any better. Link to comment
musashi Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'm starting to come to this conclusion, too. The funny thing is, coming to this conclusion may be healthy for me, but it still doesn't make me feel any better. Hell, nothing makes me feel any better right now I actually feel kind of like a moron for not seeing these things sooner. Link to comment
petite Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 It has to end VERY soon if you are still in love with him. The problem with staying in contact--at least with me--was I always had that slight bit of hope left that maybe, just MAYBE if I can stay friends, she'll eventually want me back. Fat chance! You just end up lying to yourself about the situation until both of you are frustrated and angry at each other. In my situation, I was stuck in limbo and she was just fine going out and dating other people. Well I wasn't really asking for advice, but just putting "my part out there". However thanks for the insight, but I've god it under control and certainly don't want back into the relationship. Link to comment
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