Depression not going away after 2.5 months of agony..

[DestructoBoy]

Nothing is getting better with my depression. I try to exercise I try to think better and surround myself w/friends.

 

I still miss my ex so much and it's been over 2 months! She doesn't call and I don't call her. Today I found myself cleaning my room to help my depression but found so many pictures and letters from her. She swore she would love only me forever?

 

Now I wish I was strong enough to not care as she is. Why can't I move on?

 

I feel like a loser that has nothing to offer? But my friends and family know better. I'm usually a great caring guy that is fun to be around but ever since I lost the love of my life I feel bitter toward the world.

This has been going on to long and I fear my depression won't stop?

 

Please help if anyone can....

 

I just wish I could rewind to our happy times and start fresh.

 

I don't know how much longer I can tolerate feeling so down?

[enadevoli]

your just taking along time to get over your ex. it happens. some people get over that kind of thing in less time, & for some people it takes longer. you just need to continue doing what your doing, surround yourself with friends, do things to keep your mind off of your ex. it seems hard now cause you probably think about her every day, but one day you will realize that you havent thought about her at all. there is someone more perfect for you out there, otherwise you & her wouldn't have broken up. you can't be mad at her for thinking that she would love only you forever cause she probably really thought that. but sometimes it just happens that they fall out of love. you can't blame yourself either, thinking that you have nothing to offer. you do have yourself to offer & what you are might not be what one person is looking for. you just have to find that one person who is looking for what you have to offer.

[dashwag]

i know exactly how you feel mate im in the same situation except i have now been single for 4 month and its christams time which seems to makes things worse, just hand in as im am trying and hope that things will get better, i think about my ex all the time and wish she was their but she not, deep down i hope that she feel the same way but who knows, call her and c whats the crack is!! look at this site when ever you seem down thats what i do!!!

[DestructoBoy]

I know better than to call her. She always treats me so mean? I'll be super nice and loving but I only seem to smother her. And that destruction is the last thing I need if I'm going to heal someday....someday.....someday.....WHEN!!!

 

I've only recently accepted that it's over between us. She's seeing someone else, though I don't think it will last.

 

My tortuous night of thinking of the two of them together are over for the most part. I can usually sleep now w/out thinking of her. Well not really sleep I lust don't dwell on them.

 

But the holidays have been heck! My father bought me a tick back to Ohio for the Holiday and new year. That's were all my great friends and family are. I know that will help.

 

But in the mean time...I feel like my life is still in shatters from this. I'm so unorganized no matter how hard I try to fix it. I can't get out of bed and I feel that there is no purpose in my life.

 

She gave me the strength to tackle anything now I don't even think she cares how I am. I know I need to find my own strength but this depression is holding me down by the bullocks!

 

I have no sense of pride, no sense of being, no purpose to exist. I have this overwhelming sense of pending doom

 

I talked to my PA but they just want to put me on some other pill. I want my old self back. The one who had no problems with the ladies, no problems taking care of difficult situations. The guy my friends love being around because I'm sharp, funny, and very witty.

 

All my girl-friends tell me how cute I am and that I'm 10x better than your average sod. But I can't see it. I feel like a piece of shat.

 

They're all beautiful and they're not ones to just say that. They've always told me this even when I'm happy........

 

the depression has git me by my throat and it's grasp is ever tightening.

 

when will it end? Will I go before it goes?

[latinstyle]

DestructoBoy, you are taking all the words right out of my mouth. I feel exactly the same way day in and day out. I used to sleep just to escape reality but now I have nightmares so it's like I have no escape from it. I heard she was talking to someone and I don't know how serious it is but I think it's very unfair that she is the one who left me and it was so easy for her to move on.

 

She still calls and even invited me to spend Christmas with her family but the funny part is that she told me she didn't want to get back together right now. So what's the point of us hanging out and talking. It makes me feel good while we are together but when we're not, I'm dying inside wondering who she is with.

 

Last time we hung out, we got into an argument and she lost her temper like normal (she kind of treated me like crap) and for a brief moment I lost attraction for her and wondered why I wanted her back. Now I am back to being depressed.

 

Suicide runs ranpant in my mind even though I'd never do it. It's just that sometimes I think being dead would take away all the suffering and I'd be done with it. Do I need to see a shrink because I feel this way? I'm not crazy and would never hurt myself, I just kind of lost the will to leave.

 

-Eibarra

[The Morrigan]

I know I'm probably not the first one to say this, but I'm going to try to shed a little light on some of the "why's" like, "why can he/she move on and I can't yet?"

 

There's a couple of reasons, with several layers to them.

 

For one, the simplest one, being the one in control of leaving is just that - being the one in control of the situation. Even though it may be painful, there's a certain amount of comfort (for them) knowing it was a decision they came to that they have to deal with, not a situation they had put on them by someone else.

 

The other, as people have mentioned - well, they had the comfort of YOUR presense when they were considering the reasons whether they should stay or leave you! Yep, you got it, though there was no malice on their part, and no intent on yours - you gave them that special supportive person while they were pondering their decision. They didn't have to go through being separated from you and coming to terms with it at the same time, they were still in that comfort zone while they were coming to terms - so in essense, they could go through getting some degree of certainty and closure WITH support, not floundering on their own. Now, I'm not saying this is malicious, it's not realistic to expect your gf or bf to say "honey, I'm considering breaking up with you... but I don't know yet, I'll let you know when I decide, k?" You know only too well the panic button would be pushed and what would happen there. But in essense, that's what happened. They were still able to rely on the basic emotional support of BEING in a relationship while going through this process - and you simply don't have that benefit.

 

So it's hardly surprising that in general, the person who's been left takes considerably longer to recoup and get back on his or her feet.

 

Now... the guy/girl differences...

 

How many of us girls are MORE than willing to call our pals and say outright "I need a girls day - can you come over and we can do something? I'm just NOT dealing with John's leaving me at all well today and I could use a friend to hang with." *raises hand* To other girls at least... I think that's probably most of us.

 

Ok, any of you guys who've done the same in that position? Any of you? *sighs*

 

Ok, then... how many of you guys would be willing to take the time to have a guys day if one of your buds was open enough to say just that? I'm guessing most of you would. Would you think any less of your mate for calling you up like that? Any of you who've been in that position, probably not, huh?

 

We all have our limits on how much we can do alone - sometimes learning when to actually SAY when we've reached them, and ask for a little help along the way without worrying how it LOOKS can be one of the hardest things to learn! And there really is a little bit of a boost in knowing you CAN ask, and have your friends make plans to give you that bit of help when you need it.

[DestructoBoy]

Nothing is helping me. I feel insane sometimes for not being able to shake this off better. I don't blame my ex for the way I feel. She needed to do whatever she thought would make her happy. I hope she is and I hope no harm ever comes her way.

 

As for myself I can't get her out of my mind? It's as if I'm putting all my efforts in life into thinking about her. The depression is becoming unbearable. It's effected my life terribly. I quit my job, was missing to many days and didn't like the way my efforts to overcome this were thought of. Sideway glances and snickering. I'm suffering in school. I keep putting everything off more and more now it's caving in on me.

 

I miss her so much and just wish I could have her in my arms and spend another x-mas and new years together. 5 years is a long time to be with one person. We lived together for almost three of those years. She was my best friend. I miss her so much it's tearing me apart.

 

My friends say that it has been long enough and I should be able to cope better, but I can't? I'm so depressed. I wish I didn't feel this pain or that it would at least go away a little. Everyone says time heals but I feel that I will never get through this? I'm trying to be strong but it only lasts a couple of days before another breakdown.

 

I'm crying almost every night still and it's been so long since we decided to split.

 

How come I can't overcome this? I can't get out of this funk.

 

It doesn't help that I don't have to many guy friends. I met her right when I moved here and was so happy just being with her that I didn't go out much. The guy friends I have are sick of hearing about her. No one can understand why I'm still taking this so hard including me...........

 

I miss her and I miss my sane mind. Time hasn't helped at all with this. It all still feels so fresh. I broke the no contact rule so many times. I begged, smothered her and upset her. The last time we spoke was 1.5 weeks ago and she was so mean to me as I sat there crying. It started good but turned bad when I tried to get her to come back to me. I know it's stupid and no matter how hard it is I'm not going to make the same mistake and call or see her. I want to get past this. Time is not helping.

 

I want to get out of this but the lump in my throat and hole in my chest is not going away at all?

[avman]

My friends say that it has been long enough and I should be able to cope better,

Well now your friends aren't the ones in pain are they? So unfortunately they will not know when it has been "long enough" for you. I am sorry they have grown tired of hearing about her. Keep venting on here, it will make you feel better.

 

I know you mentioned earlier that its been about 3 months since your breakup. In my opinion, thats not really very long ago. You had a serious 5 year relationship and you don't heal from that overnight.

 

I do think its time to go back to your M.D. though and try a new/different medication. This is affecting your life in serious ways and it sounds to me like you need a little assistance in leveling out your emotions. This won't cure the pain you feel, but it will keep you from becoming an emotional basket case and let you sleep better. Don't feel embarrassed about pursuing this. Losing your job over your breakup will just make your depression worse and thats a signal to me that you need some help in dealing with this. Not sleeping will CERTAINLY make you feel worse. It creates a vicious cycle where the depression gets worse, then you can't sleep, which makes the depression even worse, etc.

 

Have you seen a counselor? I also think this would be a good idea. Since this is turning into a situational depression for you its really time for some professional help. Your friends have apparently exhausted their experience and patience on trying to help you. That may be why they say they are tired of hearing about your ex. They are frustrated that they don't know how to help you feel better.

 

I think other posters have given you some great suggestions, but you may be in such a state mentally right now that you really can't focus on those.

[latinstyle]

More in common DestructoBoy, I have been with my ex for 5 years also, in February it was going to be 6. I actually was going to propose this Christmas but that's not likely now. She says I am her best friend and does not want to let go of me, she wants me in her life but does not want to be together right now.

 

I don't know what's worse, hanging out with her and having to hold myself back from wanting to hug her and kiss her or not to see her or talk to her at all. I guess either way I am going to be depressed cause we're not together. It's a lose lose situation for me anyway.

 

I've met other girls but there's only one of her and no one can replace her. It's funny, when I was with her I'd wonder about us and her attitude sometimes but now I realized that it was all part of why I loved her and still do.

 

DestructoBoy, PM me if you want to wallow in our depression with someone that is going through something identical as you. I wish Christmas and New Years was over already.

 

-Eibarra

[BrandonBo]

k irst if u miss her so much just ask her if u could be friends and then u can hang out once in awhiel and ween off her till u dont need her or are fgood friends with her and are happy in the meen time meet someone else 8) good luck!!!!