Told my parents how old my boyfriend ACTUALLY is

[thegirl_00]

4 months ago I met my boyfriend, however we didn't start dating right away. We started off as friends and neither of us thought it would progress into anything initially because of our age difference (he is 31 and I'm 19), and the fact that neither of us wanted to be in a relationship. So the first time he came over I told my parents he was 26, not thinking anything of it (bad bad idea). After only two weeks, it was clear to the both of us that we would soon end up dating even though we still only remained friends at the time.

 

Long story short, we have been going steady for 3 months and its been eating me up inside that my parents still didn't know how old he was. So yesterday I told my mom he is 31 and she later told my dad. My mom was pretty easy going about it, but my dad didn't say anything. He just stared at the television without saying a word. And he was watching "lamb chops play along" on top of that... So i know he was thinking more then watching the show!

 

Finally my dad said something "You know, he is probably going to want kids and to get married. And you said that his parents were going to meet us in a few weekends. I see you are moving REALLY fast with this guy!"

The fact is that we aren't moving fast at all... and I know my bf in no way wants to have kids or get married with someone hes only been dating for a few months.

 

I can tell my dad isn't too fond of the age difference and I don't really know how to handle the situation. My boyfriend is afraid to come over now because he thinks my dad hates him. What should i do? should I talk to my dad or just let things be...

[riley123]

Bottom line: You do not need your parent’s approval. In a perfect world everyone would love everyone. If the relationship works for the two of you and if you both are on the same page maturity wise, then don’t worry about what your mom or dad thinks.

 

On another note, your boyfriend is a 31 year old man who is afraid to meet your dad? I get why he might be uncomfortable, but he shouldn’t be a little more “grown up” than that.

[riley123]

Finally my dad said something "You know, he is probably going to want kids and to get married.

 

You know, he might be right. A guy in his 30s could be looking to settle down, and just because he doesn’t want to right now doesn’t mean he won’t want to in a year or two.

[Lily04]

19 and 31 is a pretty big age difference, but I remember when I was 20 I was attracted to a 32 year old and he was also attracted to me... we didn't end up dating for various reasons, although he did ask me out. I think it's possible but requires a lot of maturity on your part, not just emotionally but physically as well. I don't think I would have been ready for it at that point in my life as I had only had one semi-serious relationship and wasn't really emotionally 'developed' let's say... you may think you are too, but if you're both in different stages of your lives, it may be hard to develop a relationship.... I wish you the best of luck though. I think age is just a number, but generally that's more true when you're both in similar stages of your life and thereforeee have an easier time relating with each other. Many people in their 30s already have a career, and looking for marriage, whereas 19/20 yr olds are just entering college and are perhaps only finding their first boyfriend!!! I would advise you to take it slow, and just as it comes. Don't allow him to pressure you into anything, either. I know some older men I dated were much more willing to rush into sex, wanting it after only 1 or 2 dates, but I was (and still am) a virgin, and felt it too soon. I'm ultimately glad I didn't have it... so just keep that in mind.

 

With regards to the parents... I generally never tell my parents about my relationships as they make way too big a deal of it. I.e. if I have one date with a guy, they think it'll lead to marriage & it creates too much stress for me. I do occasionally tell my mom and I told her when I was 21 dating a 33 yr old (although I, too, lied about the age - I said he was a 30 year old professor..) she seemed Ok with it more, actually, because he was a young prof. and I was a student. I didn't tell my dad though. I would try to emphasize how you two are connected well and your interests if anything, but also take time to re-evaluate how compatible you really are.

 

Hope that helps!!

 

Lily

[AwdreeHpburn]

lol - my cousin is 33 now, his wife is 21. Same age difference!

 

I can totally understand your dad's hesitation as I'm sure so can you AND your bf.

 

But its true, there's not much beyond disapproving that your dad can really do. That said, I still think you should both just play the game. Introduce him to your dad so your dad can see for himself and dispel any stereotypes he may have of pedophiles and perverts.

 

Tell your bf to man up so he can see it will be just like meeting any other girlfriend's dad. He'll see your dad as a civil father who's looking out for the best interests of his daughter.

 

And ya never know, they may find they have a lot more in common than their feelings for you........

[cfcommunist]

Age is just a number, I'm sure you've heard it before but it's true. As long as you're both happy, and your enjoying each other, Thats how it is and your parents can accept it or not, thats their problem not yours. and trust me i know what I'm talking about; I was going out with a 23yr old when i was only 17.. and it was jus' fine

[livinginsbi]

The fact that your dad didn't blow up is a good sign, I think.... my kids have told me of their interests in people of different race, age and even sexual preference.. and it is really difficult for your parents to not let their own personal biases interfere and to be open. Sounds like he just has your best interest at heart. If he didn't say 'don't bring that boy over here - or I forbid you to see him'.. just go with the flow. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

[stranger4ever]

I also stress on the point: age is just a number!!

 

listen.. the issue is not age as much as: what do you both want from each other?

 

is it clear for what he is planning? what he is expecting from you?

 

another important point: in this relation, the chance of breaking up from his side is much less than it from your side. why? you are much younger than him, so he will be always glad to have such a young girl as a gf, the thing which is hardly to get, and all men in his age are dreaming of, so he wont kick his chance easy.

 

now what about your side? I think in few years, you will be 23-25 (he will be almost 36) communicating with men of almost in your age, and you might see nice features of thse of this age what you dont see in your bf.