Why won't the pain go away!

[cobro]

Its been almost 2 months since my ex broke up with me for the 3rd and as she said, final time. She was 21 and I was 24. I was nothing but good to her, I loved her and would have done anything for her. She was my first love, first everything. We were together on and off for 2 1/2 years. The first time she broke up with me when she got drunk and slept with some random guy. I took her back 8 months later. Then a year later she broke up with me to go back to her ex boyfriend. After 5 months I took her back. Then she broke up with me this last time and I really don't have a clear reason why other than we are different people. I can't help but wonder what happened. She said its not another person. I don't miss the fights and roller coaster feelings I had with her, I just miss the companionship. I miss certain things we did or she said. I know if she really loved me she wouldn't have left. I have gotten word now she goes out and is having a good time, probably having sex with other person/persons and getting over me. I'm not into that. It's been 2 weeks since I've talked to her, when I made the mistake of calling her back. It hurts more than it helps. Also I made a decision not to go to an event where she was going to be last weekend, and one of my supposed "friends" told her I was scared to go because I might run into her. Up until that point she thought we were cool. I wonder how she felt about that? I don't expect to hear from her, maybe never again. I want her out of my life, but its like I have these lingering memories and temptations to contact her, but I can't because I know it wouldn't help. She f'ed me over 3 times and I hate her for that, but why do I still love her? Why do I still cry every once in a while when something overcomes me? Why do I still have the urge to call her? Also, I have decided to distance myself from mutual friends of hers and mine because of the gossip. Why do the mutual friends remind me of her, and what can I do about it? I haven't met any girls that are single, I've met plenty that have boyfriends lately. I was also supposed to graduate from college this month but i failed a class because i fooled around too much with her earlier in the semester, now i have to go one more semester. She did no good for me, why do i feel like i am backtracking in healing? One week I'll feel great and then a few days later I remember her. What should I do, please help me.

[latinstyle]

Let me be totally honest. Nothing really truly helps. At least not for me anyway. I am in the same situation as you. I know she is talking to other guys and doing things and the funny part is that she still calls me and wants to hang out. Talking to her and hanging out helps when we are together but after that I can't help but wonder who else she is with.

 

I haven't really met any other girls either, they all have boyfriends or I just don't feel like striking up a conversation for fear of getting turned down. I wish I could rewind life or fastforward it because I am tired of feeling like this. It's not fair. She broke up with me, she should be feeling the pain.

 

Sorry I can't be of much help but if you find something let me know, I am at the end of my rope!

[Rainswept]

She left you 3 times.....

Do you really want it to keep going like that

I was in your situation a long time ago, and I noticed I didn't care as much as I thought I did...

After a while I think it was mostly my pride that was hurt

But my advice to you is...take comfort in friends, and go out and have fun, and if your ex sees you, I'm sure she'll respond to that, Make it known your doing just fine without her

 

Regards ~Rainswept

[Boundaries]

Clearly her behavior is inappropreate and provocative.

 

It doesn't matter what she's doing or feeling. What really matter is that you get out with all your faculties in tact.

[The Morrigan]

I agree with Boundaries here...

 

I know for me it was because it was simply so hard to accept my ex didn't live up to the person I thought he was, and that was what I had a hard time letting go of. I was so deeply in love with him, I had a hard time dealing with and moving on from the hopes and dreams I'd had of the two of us before I saw he wasn't who I'd imagined in those dreams. It wasn't him as he was I had a hard time letting go of - it was the hopes and dreams that had that view of the wonderful person I thought he was and could be that were so hard to let die off. I think that I'd built so much around him, and had to accept that I had been mistaken in my view of him, was the very hardest thing to accept, because I had so much emotion invested in him.

 

Even after I didn't want him back anymore - I still had plenty of times I'd think he'd realize his error (start growing into the person I had thought he was) and be sorry he'd thrown me away (realize he really did love me as much as I loved him), because it would have been closer to my idealized view of him. I didn't want him back, because of who I'd seen he was - but I didn't want to completely acknowledge he was less of a person than I'd thought either, and his feelings hadn't run as deeply as mine had.

 

Letting go of the dream and the ideal can be so much harder than letting go of the reality.