Best friend died

[Senna]

Oh my year just keeps getting worse my best friend died of cancer yesterday afternoon a week before xmas l can't believe it's happened even though l knew it was coming at some point.

 

my problem is that l can't cry l've been acting very normal as if it hasn't happened which freaks me out everytime l think about her l can feel myself beginning to hurt then l block it out l think l'm to afraid to face such emotions again after losing my girlfriend of five years (not through death).

 

My head is so messed up right now l just want to know how l should be acting l don't want people to think l don't care when l do l just can't stand to think about this it all sounds to selfish and l don't mean it to.

[swift44]

Im sorry for your loss. but i know what you mean by you cant cry. I also have problems expressing emotions. but just try not to hold your sorrows in just let it out, you will feel much better. i wish you the best and i hope you can get thru these hard times soon

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

 

I know exactly what you are going through. In some ways you feel like you should be crying out of respect, but in others you just don't know what you feel. Perhaps you are in shock, or perhaps you are in denial. The point is there is no right or wrong way to feel or to grieve. It's different for every person. Right now what you should focus on is allowing yourself to grieve the way your body tells you to grieve and not worrying about how it will appear to others.

 

I lost my mom to cancer this time last year. A lot of my friends were surprised at how well I seemed to be holding up. One of my dearest friends was sure I was in denial, but I wasn't. When I was with my friends I didn't want to be a blubbering sobbing mess, I wanted to talk to them and be myself with them. And in a lot of ways they were a distraction...they still are now.

 

The one thing I don't suggest you keep doing is blocking it. I know it's hard to accept, and there's no way I am saying you will just accept it now. Grieving is a process, and you are just at the beginning. When emotions start to take over you, don't hold back or suppress them, just let them out. It's hard to do, believe me I know. I spent a lot of time suppressing my emotions because I didn't want to feel it, I wanted to look strong. But this is not the healthy way to deal with it. I also suggest you try to talk to people about what you are feeling and thinking. Friends and family are there for support and now is the time for you to utilize that support.

 

I send you my condolences for your friend and I hope you will find comfort in the knowledge that there are others who have been where you are and who are willing to help you. *hugs*

[avman]

Senna,

 

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. It is normal to be in complete shock for awhile and not be able to cry. I understand those feelings. Its as if your whole world is in a fog for awhile.

 

Everybody grieves in different ways. Don't worry about what others think about how you deal with the situation. You must deal with things in your own way, and do what you feel you need to do. Sometimes us guys think we have to be strong in these situations. So we never really let our emotions out.

 

Its going to take awhile to come to grips with what has happened. Try and go to the funeral if at all possible. It will provide you some closure and allow you to grieve along with his family and friends. It really does make a difference.

 

Please PM me if I can help you any further.

 

avman

[Beec]

No one can tell you how to act. You will grieve one way or another sooner or later. When it happens, let what happens happen. I lost my college roommate to leukemia. The first day I heard I was shocked, the second day still shocked and depressed, a few days later I cried. A former girlfriend died, who I cared about a lot, it was days before it really hit me. Don't worry about it. But if you want people nott o think you are a cretin, just let them know it has you depressed.

[JSHRN]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. It is especially difficult at this time of year. Eventhough we prepare ourselves for the inevitable loss of someone -- when it happens we realize we truly aren't prepared for it. There is no right or wrong way to grieve over someone's death. Some of us cry. Some of us deny that they are gone. Still others go on knowing that they are in a better and safer place. Maybe you will cry at some point. But because you haven't cried yet is also a normal response. People grieve in different ways. I have been through so much pain, heartbreak and loss over the past 6 years and have not cried once. I wonder if that emotion even exists in me. I would probably feel better if I could "let it all out" once in a while, but it hasn't come to pass.

 

Remember the good times with your friend. Remember the happy times. And recognize that they are watching over you.

 

My deepest sympathies.

 

JSHRN

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

First of all I'm very sorry for your loss, I know your strong and you will pull through this. The second thing I must say is I believe you may be going through a state of shock..(quite normal). When my best friend died, i didnt even go to the funeral, I mean I really thought that if I didnt go, she'd come back. (crying now typing this). I really thought I could wake up and next thing you know, "hey there she is, she's back" Well she never came back and it finally hit me, I miss her, but I have managed to pull through. I know you will too. No one is promised forever, people are born, people die. She commited suicide, "this plagued me for quite some time" But one day I realized that it would hurt her more if she knew I was grieving and putting myself through this. Everyone will die, I will die, you will die. Death is a part of Life! One day it will hit you and you will grieve when you are ready, but the last thing you should do is make yourself feel worse worrying about how your not grieving the right way. Everyone does things there way, you have your way. Be patient and let it come naturally !