I have an extremely shady friend!

[confuzed25]

Ok so I have a very shady friend in my life and I just dont know what to do with her. We have been friends for 15 years now, dating all the way back to when we were 7 years old. We have the same first names, our birthdays are only a few days apart, and we have a ton in common. We did not go to the same elementary school but we were always hanging out, played on a softball team together in the summer, went on vacations together, and our parents were also friends.

 

When high school came we went to the same school and continued to be good friends. I kind of bounced around between the popular group of people and the "middle class" group of people. By this I mean that I was friends with all of them but didnt have one really close group that I always hung out with. My friend was in the popular group. Well after high school I lost touch with most of the people in the popular group except for the friend I am talking about. I still got along with everyone else in the popular group but we just didnt talk much anymore. My friend has only gotten closer to those people since high school. Well I have been out of high school for 4 years now and ever since, my friend has been very shady with me.

 

Sometimes I will call and ask her if there is anything going on and she will just ignore me and not say anything back. Sometimes she will say that she is working so shes not doing anything but we need to get together soon. Other times she will answer me back with something to do but when i get all ready and try to get ahold of her to see where to meet up she ignores me.

 

Now if im annoying her or she doesnt want to be friends with me anymore thats fine, but then she will get ahold of me in a week or 2 and invite ME to do something. Sometimes she will follow through and actually meet up with me, other times she will leave me hanging again. I have not seen her in 6 months....the last time i saw her we had a lot of fun and she told me that we definitely needed to do it again and that we need to start hanging out more. But I will either get ahold of her or she will get ahold of me to do something and she never follows through. Like last night she text messaged me saying her and some people were going out and i should come. So i texted her back saying when and where. She said to just meet at her apartment and we would go from there. Its a 40 min drive to her apartment so I called before I left to make sure they were still there....NO ANSWER. So i texted her after like 15 mins saying "are you still at the apartment or should i just meet you out?" NO ANSWER. I got all ready and was about to drive 40 mins to be stood up. I think that is extremely rude.

 

Any ideas why shes being like this? And what should I do?? I dont want to cut her out of my life, we've been friends for 15 years. Longer than any of my other friends.

[notsoanonymous]

15 years or not, I think I'd be ready to tell this person that she is being extremely disrespectful and I'd walk away from the relationship you two have. Not saying it would be easy to do, but this is very rude of her, borderline (if not outright snobbish) and jsut not appropriate given your ages - I'm guessing you are in your early 20's.

 

The less direct approach would be to politely decline when she invites you to anything that doesn't involve HER coming to YOU. That way if she stands you up, you aren't out the travel and time it took to get where you were going. Then if she asks why you could explain it.

[Lana0120]

Just walk away. She's no friend.

[Flux]

You've been friends for ages so I can see why you wouldn't wanna just cut her off completely, but she is bieng rude and selfish by not pulling her weight as a friend. If I was in your position, I just wouldn't bother at all.

 

Just see if she contacts you to meet up at all, if she does say something like 'Yeah, cool. Text me with details' and she if she bothers to actually text you. Just keep it nice and simply, and if she does bother then go meet her and keep it like that for a while.

[PixelPusher]

Wow... doesn't sound like much of a friend. I wouldn't put too much energy into the relationship. Have you asked her why she never answered your texts and that it takes you 40-minutes to drive there, etc?

 

I'd give her one more chance and if she stands you up again, stop contacting her. See how she feels after she gets a taste of her own medicine.

[confuzed25]

I was thinking about sending her an email asking her why she does this and tell her that we have been friends for 15 years and I dont want to lose her as a friend but what shes doing is rude

[jerk chicken]

I think you need to confront her before u loose contact, just list all the occasions as u have now and ask for an explanation- say her behaviour is confusing and ask why she bothers in the first place if she cancels later on, especially as she gives no explanation of why the night out didnt occur!