I was the dumper-- not by choice-- NC q's

[tihash]

I had to dump her. We were together 2.5 years, and for the last 8 months or so, since she went back to school, she had been distancing herself, making new friends and not wanting me to hang with them, spending less time with me, etc. I'm 31. She is 27.

 

It was a progression, getting worse over time. Then she began cancelling dates and lying (i.e., "i have to visit my sick grandmom in the hospital" and actually hanging out with her friends instead at Starbucks). Finally, last straw, is she didn't know I knew she had Myspace and she changed status to "single" and deleted my pics. She sent a comment to a friend about meeting her new guy friend if things work out with him. All while we were still together.

 

It has been 15 days of NC. She used to tell me we were soulmates, we'd be together forever, etc etc.

 

I am still very devastated.

 

I know NC will help me get over her. I know that if the goal is to reconcile, NC is still the prescription.

 

Question: Given these facts, even though I was the dumper, do I still maintain NC and mentally say to myself the ball is in her court?

 

As one of my friends told me: "Even though you technically dumped her, she knows what the issues are"." Meaning she should know I had no choice, she should know she distanced herself, etc.

 

Thoughts??

[servedcold]

What horrible, cowardly treatment. Sorry you're having to go through this. It's time to move on from this one, as she doesn't even respect you enough to break up properly, preferring to write you out of her life until you "take the hint." People like this never make good relationship partners.

[Mlost]

First thought is to use NC to really move on, and not hold out hope. If she was looking around when she was with you, what's she going to do when she's single?

[Maree79]

I agree. Use NC to heal yourself & think about what you really want...you deserve better than this. It has only been 15 days, so naturally you will still feel devastated & really miss her, but now you have to focus on yourself & what you really want out of life & a relationship.

 

Sorry you are hurting.

[i_win]

This girl is 27 going on 18 it seems like. Very immature behavior. I think you just got rid of a big headache.

[MushroomGod]

Good on you for breaking it off before she did. Move on its the only thing to do.

[arcadefire]

Good thing you broke up. And yes the ball is in her court because she was the one who pushed you away first and should be the one who should beg for you back.

[Kat123]

So, I've been this horrible girl before. I didn't do the myspace thing (didn't have myspace at the time...this was like 6 years ago.) But I was done with the relationship, but so scared to break up with the guy. He loved me, and I was scared to hurt him and about what would happen. I got very distant...went out with my friends a lot, didn't answer about half of his phone calls, got very cold and unaffectionate. Finally, he had enough, and he broke up with me because I completely pushed him to it.

 

In that case, he should have absolutely gone NC. I was essentially the dumper, even if he actually said the words. If the relationship was to work out again, it would have been on my shoulders to fix it. So your friend was right...she knows what the issue was, its her job to fix it. And, from experience, NC is the best thing you can do. This guy kept wanted to work it out and get back, and all it did was annoy me and want him to go away and leave me a lone and stop talking about it.

 

Gosh. I sound horrible. Maybe what I am going through now is payback.