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Please Help!!!!

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tell her you agree, and that she will see in time, that you are willing to change and if were meant to be we will be.. seriously it will work, if you beg her back it will make it that much easier on her to move on with out you

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When she comes over be very clear to listen to what she has to say. Don't argue with her perspective or talk over her. Give her full credit for what she is saying and if you think you can live with it and still want her, then show you have taken it in and apologise for whatever you think you need to.


Then show that you never meant to come accross that way and ask her for another chance to do better by you both. Be clear that you are not a doormat but that you can see what she is saying and would like her advice about how things could be fixed. Then ask to prove to her that you can change your approach and ask for some more time, even if it's just another week, to show you are serious.

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It tends to mean that they still have a lot of fondness for you but have lost that "spark". The loss of the spark could be due to many factors, and could even be the case that the spark was not there to start with.


It's hard to know what to advise without knowing more about your situation: how long have you guys been together? As an earlier poster asked, do you think she has a point re you not paying attention? Has anything happened that can shed light on this situation?


Even if we get into detail with the above, the "I love you but am not in love with you" statement does not tend to bode well. I think that if she is just saying that because she is hurt you can perhaps keep this relationship. However if she is serious, you might just have to accept her decision to end it. Sorry.

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Okay Alex, this does suck. I read your other posts as well and I see that you wrote her a letter about things you will do to change, and I also see that now you think you might marry her.


She is probably at the end of her tether and thinks that everything will just keep on happening. Maybe it's too late now, I don't know. But seven years and the fact that you live together shows real commitment, so hopefully if you say the "right thing" whatever that is, she might try this one more time. But you have to ask yourself what are you really prepared to do, and I don't mean just now that you are upset and a bit desperate, but when things get back to normal, how well will you stick to your promises and will you resent her for making you change?


It seems that you need a whole new way of approaching this, and it's possible that a third party is required now. Would you go to relationship counselling with her? Has she suggested this?


If I was her I would want to see from you:

1) A real disappointment that I had left, and a deep desire to make it work. (No teary desperation though. You have to keep your dignity and you will keep her respect.)

2) A serious commitment to change, and that involves working with her to find a sustainable approach for the future. Don't just throw a bunch of promises out there that she might not believe. You need to show that you recognise you have not made the changes in the past, but this is different.

3) A willingness to keep giving me (her) the time needed to think things over. No ultimatum, no pushiness to make a decision. Do everything you can to keep control over yourself.

4) Book the counselling yourself. Make this as easy for her as you can. All she needs to do it have a little more faith, and turn up to the sessions.

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