Has anyone successfully gotten a guy off of World of warcraft?

[kristenann]

Hi there,

 

I'm just wondering if anyone has gotten a SO to give up world of warcraft?

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we've lived together for 3. I have no problem with him playing it once in a while. The problem is that it is all the time now. He does work, but I work 35-50 hrs per week plus attend school full time, do the laundry, all the cleaning and 95% of dinners and dishes. The thing is that he complains that we don't have any time together, but when I can make time he spends it playing wow instead.

In fact, he will start playing as soon as he walks in the door from work until at least 11 pm (about 5 hrs) not even acknowledging me when I am home (this is rare- but I do my best to make the time for him). And if I say something then I'm being a b***h. Same goes for when he has the volume way up when I'm writing papers late at night after I've been at work and school all day. I ask him to turn it down a bit ( I'm nice about it too), and he tries to start a fight! We aren't even intimate really anymore (we went from 7+ times per week to maybe once?) and nothing else in our relationship has changed. (no, I havent gotten bigger or uglier)

He is not a bad guy... it's since he started playing this game. I really do love him, which is why I'm asking how others have gotten their SO's off this addiction. I just want my BF back... not the a** he's turned into.

 

Oh, and I am not willing to play with him... I'm looking for quality human interaction.

Thanks! -K.

[arcadefire]

I would talk to him and tell him that if he wants this relationship to work out, he's going to have to spend some time with you. Otherwise you won't be able to put up with this any longer because you're giving more than you're getting. Do you think he loves you the same way you love him? Maybe you might need to reevaluate the relationship for the long term and if this is something you want.

[android]

wat does SO mean?

[kristenann]

Significant Other... to me it means a committed relationship, married, engaged or not.

[keepquiet]

My problem is identical to yours. I get home from school/work/being out anf he's at the computer. He doesn't say hi or get up to hug me. If I go to give him a kiss hello he is annoyed at the 3-second long interruption of his game. Our sex life has suffered because he plays until 4:00am. I have very long days of school and work, and I own a horse who requires attention 7 days a week, I need my sleep. I sleep in our bed alone, when he wakes me up at 5:00am for sex I'm certainly not in the mood, especially since he ignored me while I was awake. When he wants to talk or spend time with me at 5:00 in the morning, the time he deems I deserve, he is upset when I just want to get some sleep.

 

I have asked him to cut back but I know he can't. He has told me that he has to play. It is his release, it's his thing, and it's not my business how he spends his time. He plays 9+ hours a day, which is absolutly insane to me. If I stare at a TV or computer screen for more than 3 hours I go blind. It makes he so mad. We don't talk, we don't do anything fun. If I can get him to watch a movie or go to dinner with me, he has told me he needs at least 10 days notice to let his gaming buddies know he won't be around. If we are out to dinner he will rush through the meal to get back to the game. Once when my car was broken and he was supposed to pick me up from work, he was 3.5 hours late because he couldn't get away from the game. It's nice to know whats important.

 

Our relationship is currently ending. Unfortunatley we have signed a year lease on our house, so I'm waiting to hear from the landlord how much it will be to break it so I can get out.

 

I will never ever date a guy who plays WoW again. Even if he says he just plays a little bit....stay away. People who play become attached, and they will make any excuse to be able to play it. It doesn't seem to matter to them what they lose in real life, as long as they can play and reach imaginary goals.

[android]

Okay, thanks. Well, you know i have this guy at my college who is just like you said, into games. He isnt into a relation as yet. But he's really crazy about games. Doesnt attend his classes at time and stuff. He's playing all night most of the time. This could change if you could make it a little strong when you tell him to stop. But one thing i want to know is, my friend who i was speaking of has one more trouble.he puts himself into gaming when he is a lot stressed or miserable over something. And this kind of gets him outta that mood and makes him feel better. All that shooting and stuff. Its some kind of source of energy to him. It can be similar with your guy. i mean there might be something he might not be telling you, or he might not want you to know. Also it might be something about your relation as well. you never know.

 

Or maybe its just a gizmo freak prob. you never know. you might want to speak to a counsellor. Dont think its too early. or is it that serious. It may get bad for your relationship.. At least try to talk and understand what his problem is. My friend for example wants to stop it and thats a good sign. take care.

[android]

Hey keepquiet. I dont think yours is the right decision. You might want to talk to someone else, like a counsellor. I am not blaming you. I understand how you feel, but i hope you love him.. maybe he needs you to get him out of it.you might need professional help.

[android]

You got beaten up on the way to the market. You left it. You went another day and you got beaten again. Would you go to the cops and try to get those behind it. or you just stop going to the market, knowing that they (the guys who did it) could be anywhere.

 

dont just treat the fever, but its cause.

[redrose85]

My guy doesn't get to play WOW much anymore, but when he does, he goes all out. I was supremely annoyed yesterday because he got up and immediately started playing WOW. I did some cleaning, went out with a friend for a few hours, and went to work for a couple of hours. He STILL hadn't done the two things I had asked him to (dust and clean the bathroom) When he finally did get around to it, he spent maybe 30 mins cleaning and then turned on the tv. But that behavior is getting to be increasingly rare. It just really irks me how people can waste entire days sitting and playing a game. It's frustrating and I will never understand the fascination with it.

 

keepquiet- I would never date a gamer again either. If something were to happen between us and we broke up, I would avoid gamers like the plague.

[lust4life]

ugh i could go on & on about this crap

 

i had this situation w/ my boyfriend and still have it w/ my brother.

It's like a real (psychological) addiction, and requires a ton of patience to get through it...i managed to get my bf to realize his addiction & cut back to maybe a couple times a month.

& there's still some resentment there because of all the crap i had to go through to get him to snap out of it.

i had to give him an ultimatum, because he was choosing the game over me & his life.

 

in the end he chose me, but had he not i would've been long gone. It was verrrrry tough, but nowadays he & I are much happier.

 

You'll reach your limit with this eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later...& decide either to give him an ultimatum or just walk.

[redhearts]

 

 

LOL

 

Ultimatums yes they work on most men.

[redhearts]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I totally agree with you! BLaaahh, I was reading the idiots guide to amazing sex, they put in there how you should never date any sort of addict. Well now I know! Thats a good book though!

[novaseeker]

If it's gotten to this level of playing, it's unlikely you'll be able to pull him back to not playing at all. I think you could certainly get him to stop for a time if you give him an ultimatum, but most likely that will unwind and he will go back to playing because the only way he will scale back is when he himself for his own reasons wants to scale back -- extrenal factors like ultimatums can *scare* a problematic user into more moderate use or abstinence for a time, but they don't generally result in longer term disengagement.

 

The games can be played in a balanced way, but generally only if you approach it in a very balanced, blase way -- that is, not in an achievement-oriented way. I still play these games every now and then when I get the time to do so, but I do not approach them in an achievement-oriented way because I just do not have the time to do that. If you do want to approach them in an achievement-oriented way, they can be very consuming indeed, as any other major achievement-oriented hobby would be -- in that case, I think that the person is best suited for someone else who shares that same interest. It doesn't work well if someone is achievement oriented in terms of their gaming hobby, and the other person thinks gaming is a waste of time --> that is a recipe for relationship disaster.

[kristenann]

Thankyou for everyone's responses. It's good to know that I am not the only one who has been in this situation. I think I am going to approach this more like it is an addiction- because it is. Don't get me wrong though... I would never tell him that he CAN'T do something that he likes. My issue here is that it is interfering with our life and relationship. I feel like I am second and that is not fair. I guess I am trying to make him see that the give and take is a bit unbalanced, where our relationship used to be 50/50.

It is difficult... I don't like ultimatums, and if I did give him one he would say fine... mainly because he knows that I won't leave (we are both pretty strongheaded) and I am in no position at the moment to (temporarily) move. I also really do love him, just not what is happening to us. Relationships are so complicated.

 

-K.

[ycmanvs]

I had to break up with my SO because of WoW, among other things. Even though he has a full time job, he stays up all night playing. He has a bunch of different characters and if he was not out drinking, he was playing the game...An addictive personality is impossible to treat, unless the person actually wants help.

I wish you luck if you choose to stay with him.

[kristenann]

Through thick and thin... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

[PixelPusher]

I've seen some relationships ruined due to one partner's inability to control their gaming habits. Nothing wrong with playing a bit (though its not my thing) but the moment they start choosing gaming over their loved ones, it's a problem.

 

I agree with the rest that you can't change him until he is ready to change. I'd tell it to him straight and if he keeps it up, then you've got a big decision to make. Hopefully he loves and respects you enough to know that his gaming is hurting your relationship. If he doesn't... is he really worth it?

[novaseeker]

I think I am going to approach this more like it is an addiction- because it is.

 

Well, the problem there is that if he really is a compulsive gamer, you can't really make him stop. Ultimatums work badly with addicts, they tend to either comply for a bit and then backslide or simply dig in their heels and plod ahead. The addict has to reach a point where he/she is sick of his/her life enough with the compulsive behavior that the person wants to be rid of the compulsive behavior for themselves -- not to save a job or a relationship.

 

If you think he is a compulsive gamer and he doesn't take steps to change (which pretty much involves a lot more than switching off the computer, it involves a host of lifestyle changes just like overcoming any other compulsive behavior), staying with him would be a path to co-dependency.

 

So you're entering a tough period, I think.

[ghost69]

-hide the power cord

 

-pour apoxy all over the keyboard

 

-remove the game

 

-show him some lingerie

 

that's pretty much your choices.

[novaseeker]

-hide the power cord

 

-pour apoxy all over the keyboard

 

-remove the game

 

Actually the scorched earth method is either to destroy the computer, or less draconian, delete his characters from the account. However, this is a nuclear option --- the relationship would undoubtedly not survive it, there would be a violent argument, and the person would probably nevertheless end up playing again in a matter of days.

[ghost69]

Actually the scorched earth method is either to destroy the computer, or less draconian, delete his characters from the account. However, this is a nuclear option --- the relationship would undoubtedly not survive it, there would be a violent argument, and the person would probably nevertheless end up playing again in a matter of days.

 

if it doesn't survive after getting them to stop playing, it should have ended before. this is obviously a problem.

[novaseeker]

I think gamers can really only have relationships with other gamers. I've met quite a few couples who are both into gaming and are happy with their hobby. But it takes both to enjoy the hobby ... if one sees it as a waste of time, it's a recipe for disaster.

[ycmanvs]

I think gamers can really only have relationships with other gamers. I've met quite a few couples who are both into gaming and are happy with their hobby. But it takes both to enjoy the hobby ... if one sees it as a waste of time, it's a recipe for disaster.

 

Totally agree with this. At the time I was dating the ex, he had friends who were gamers, married with children. We went to visit them and instead of hanging out or going out, they all got on their computers and played the game....which they could just as easily have done from home, without us trekking half way around the world.

Of course, the couple is still together, happily married, while I had to exit...the relationship.

[kristenann]

I don't want this to be the end of our relationship, which is why I asked if anyone had any success in dealing with this. There are times where I have been tempted to smash the computer to bits, but destruction and violence doesn't solve anything... it only starts wars. I know that relationships need work and communication... this almost impossible when he's on this game all the time. (as a previous post demonstrated (I did laugh- you nailed it) the mentality of someone who is hooked on this game). I don't mind him gaming, in fact i will play the odd game on the wii or xbox with him, and I understand that it is something that he enjoys. It's not the gaming aspect that bothers me... it's the fact that it consumes all of "our" time together and becomes obsessive, he has lots of time to play when I'm not home. I don't have a day off in a week, I do the stuff I have to do when I'm home and he's not (including my hobbies), so the time we are home together we have to spend together.

[ycmanvs]

I don't want this to be the end of our relationship, which is why I asked if anyone had any success in dealing with this. There are times where I have been tempted to smash the computer to bits, but destruction and violence doesn't solve anything... it only starts wars. I know that relationships need work and communication... this almost impossible when he's on this game all the time. (as a previous post demonstrated (I did laugh- you nailed it) the mentality of someone who is hooked on this game).

 

Well, have you tried playing the game? So, at least you can "share" in the addiction?