Truth or Lie

[mbw106]

My previous threads are

"Can't Figure Her Out"

"Trying not to cave in"

 

 

I went no contact around 3 weeks ago. My ex and I have a 2 year old son together, but all contact is strictly about pick up and drop off. I have been feeling good and going out and meeting new people. My ex was having some medical problems right after our breakup and I was there for her. She told me she had a cyst on her ovaries and she would have to get surgery. However, she continued to go out nightly and party and carry on her life like nothing was wrong. Well i got two disturbing text messages earlier today

 

the first one read: "I lied to you about the cysts thing..I had a miscarriage and i'm sorry

 

the second one read: "I know you don't care about me anymore and its ok everything happens for a reason"

 

I am numb all over. I'm hurt, I'm angry..I don't know what I am. I called her and she began crying saying she feels horrible and she has nobody. Told me the doctor said she was 2 months pregnant. She then proceeded to say how she is upset b/c she hears about me out having a good time and she checked my myspace today and saw that several ladies are showing interest in me. I'm questioning whether this miscarriage story is real because when she went to the doctor she was not upset. She continued to go out and carried on like nothing was wrong. I can't understand how she could keep that from me if it was true. I have no idea what to do. I want to be there for her because I love her, but I am scared she is lying and trying to get me back for the emotional suppport that she now lacks that we are not together.

 

I have a friend who is a female that is like a sister. She has had a miscarriage before and I called her because I needed to talk and she thinks the story is BS. She thinks she is trying to find a way to reel me back in. Any advice on what I should do would help.

[DN]

I am betting it's a lie. I saw your other threads and she may be regretting breaking up with you but wants you to make the first move. This could be her way of getting you all concerned about her.

 

I could be wrong but it seems very manipulative (and convenient)

[mbw106]

I am betting it's a lie. I saw your other threads and she may be regretting breaking up with you but wants you to make the first move. This could be her way of getting you all concerned about her.

 

I could be wrong but it seems very manipulative (and convenient)

 

Yea she has continued texting me from work asking if I'm seeing someone and saying how she is upset because a girl has asked to me to go out to a place that we love to go to when we are in that city. I am beginning to see through her. We are supposed to talk when she gets off of work, eventhough I really did not want to because I have been feeling so good. i just want to make sure she is ok. I have a feeling I am gonna regret having this talk!!!

[DN]

If she wanted you back (for genuine reasons) would you take her back? Assuming she stopped the nonsense.

[mbw106]

Yes, honestly I would. I truly love her and trust that the reasons she gave for breaking up were true. We had been planning our future and I thought it would be very hard for her to throw all of that away. She just made a bad decision. I can admit I was a little overprotective about her going out but she is a beautiful woman and i know how guys are. I got a little too comfortable in the relationship, but she has to admit to some of her faults as well. We have never had issues with cheating or anything like that. i just want her to admit she was wrong in the way she handled things. i think her biggest problem is she has to understand that the excitement wears off after you have been together for as long as we were (5 years). Both of us have to work through things together. She just can't runaway when she is overwhelmed or depressed. I don't know what this talk will turn into but i'm hoping that it is about getting back together, but I'm also preparing myself to get nowhere. If i get nowhere and think she is lying about the pregnancy then it will be back to the NC and I will only talk to her if it concerns my son like before.

[DN]

Well, listen carefully to what she says - and what she doesn't say. Guard your heart.

[soulalone]

It's easy to listen, but the most important thing is filtering. After, you have filtered you can make a decision. It is not going to be easy to get over someone that you have a child with and been with for 5 years, but what I can say is. Time heals the wound of the broken heart. I went through the same thing. I dated a guy for 6 years and we broke up, I wallowed for months- didn't go out juts saw my family (they were very supportive) and saw the friends that were not mutually attached to any of us. It helped. You also have to remember that she is lying and trying to manipulate you. She is trying to make you feel for her and then she will try to get you back. Most people realise what they have lost once its gone and there is no more hope. I think you have to live your life and occupy your mind with positivity in order for you to move on from this. There are lots of fish in the sea.

[mbw106]

Well we talked for almost 3 hours and I am very proud of myself and how I handled the situation. I never once got emotional and I remained very firm with her about what my intentions are. I told her I wanted to work it out,but made it very clear that I have no problem going on without her. I don't think she expected me to be like that and it caught her off guard. She cried a lot, i was supportive but very firm and clear about what I wanted and what I am going to do. I really think she realizes that there are other women that will want me if she doesn't. She admitted that she is talking to another guy but only on the phone. I was surprised because I didn't get mad. I just told her if that is what makes her happy then she should pursue it. I ended the conversation by wishing her the best whether she chose to work things out with me or not. I told her I just wanted her to be happy. Now she is sending me playful text messages and we might go out to dinner on Wednesday. However, she has already made the steps towards moving on by talking to another man so I am well aware of the risk I am taking. She is going to have to work to get me back because I didn't deserve for her to break up with me the first time!!!

[Maree79]

That is awesome. I hope you can work it out, but if not it sounds like you will be just fine. You handled it so well. Congrats!!

[DN]

If she's talking to another guy, on the phone or otherwise, I would tell her that indicates that the relationship is over for good and that you are going to move on while figuring out how to co-parent your son.

[mbw106]

If she's talking to another guy, on the phone or otherwise, I would tell her that indicates that the relationship is over for good and that you are going to move on while figuring out how to co-parent your son.

 

I told her that by engaging in an emotional relationship with another man right after our relationship was a signal to me that it was time to move on. I ended it by wishing her the best whether it was with me or someone else and I left it at that. I'm happy with how it went. Even if we don't work things out I got the closure I needed. The ball is in her court she needs to make the move to get me back

[mbw106]

So after receiving nearly 50 text messags from her in a 2 hour period I am definitely regretting having that talk with her. I thought we moved forward but we have taken 10 steps backwards. I don't know how to read her, all of her texts are questioning me about one particular girl. she thinks we have something going on, but in reality we don't. I don't even have the girls number. She just keeps asking me over and over again about her and tells me to stop lying. She said we can't work it out because I am lying to her. We were supposed to go out to dinner but now she keeps saying take your other girlfriend out. This situation is draining. Then she went into all this crap about being jealous and how she hates women because they try to pick up on other peoples men blah blah. She basically was trying to make me feel bad saying she is sick, has no money, and is alone. but she doesn't realize she created this situation by doing what she did. I think it is best for me to go back to NC because nothing is working. It frustrating because we were so close and then she messed it all up again. So i'll disappear until she is ready to be serious and stop playing games.

[DN]

Tell her that if she is so distrusting of you and is so convinced that you are a liar then obviously there is no point in even thinking about a relationship since it could never work when she has that low an opinion of your character.

[mbw106]

Tell her that if she is so distrusting of you and is so convinced that you are a liar then obviously there is no point in even thinking about a relationship since it could never work when she has that low an opinion of your character.

 

Yea she is trying to make me feel guilty about talking to other women and she is trying hard to get me to confess to doing other things. I think this is because she might have done something and is feeling guilty and getting me to confess would make her feel better. After having a day to analyze everything that happened I realized I got nowhere. She was back to her normal self today and acted like she wasn't at my home crying for 3 hours to me about her problems and how she is alone. The conversation even turned to her talking about suicide because her life is bad. I don't know how to deal with her I love her but it is clear she has some mental issues to sort out on her own. I think the whole story was fabricated to get me to react so she could see whether she still had me or not and I fell for it. I informed her that she is to only contact me when it concerns my son and that dinner was off because we have nothing else to discuss.

[mbw106]

So instead of listening to everyones advice and going with what my mind was telling me not to do I accepted her offer to go to dinner tonight. I should call it the dinner date from hell. By the end of the dinner I was so mad and angry that we didn't talk the whole way home. All she did on the way to dinner was keep making smart remarks about the other women that are interested in me and things like that. During dinner she was being a (fill in the blank). She came off very arrogant and uncaring about everything that was going on. We spent the whole car ride home (45min) in silence. She then texted me later apologizing and then tried to say I hurt her feelings. So now i'm mad because i'm back to square one because I was doing great with NC and getting on with my life now I feel like I'm starting all over again.