Whenever I feel comfortable talking to a girl, she stops flirting. Do girls want me to act fake?

[Theo]

So I've been sort of messaging a girl on facebook that I find attractive.

 

We got a nice long thread going, and then she sort of stopped messaging. She IS on vacation, but I noticed her logging on here and there, and I would expect a girl that likes me to be pretty interested in messaging me whenever she can.

 

This girl seemed pretty interested in me. She acted really docile and attentive, and I pretty much guided the conversations while she blushed or laughed.

 

I sort of started texting/messaging her in a disinterested, funny way, and she responded pretty positively. We have spoken for a while.

 

Finally, I felt comfortable enough to stop playing mind games and talk to her the way I would talk to someone normally; without flirting. She pretty much stopped messaging me there.

 

This has happened to me alot in the past. The moment I stop acting like a * * * * * * * , women seem to lose interest in me. Why can't I act genuine around girls? My ex GF broke up with me to date guys who act fake all the time, and now I'm scared that girls only want guys who act retarded. It really sucks, because some of us can't keep up the act forever.

 

At what point can I be confident that acting genuine won't hurt me, when I'm getting to know a girl?

[lady00]

Have you asked her out yet? If not, I have to say if I were just chatting with a guy and he never asked me out, I would think he was only interested in flirting, which is fine, but if I wanted to date him, I would lose interest if he didn't ask me out.

[CaptainNapalm]

Yes I know what you mean, I've dated women that seek guys who act like morons and over confident flirty degenerates. There are many of them like that and they never lasted long with me, however I've also dated many great girls who don't like any of that and appreciate a down to earth genuine guy. Just keep looking, I think you've just had bad luck.

[Carmine]

Hmm, let me mention some of the girls I've asked out before and who they went for over me. Maybe it can give you some insight:

 

-One was this very pretty Jewish girl a few floors above me who gave pretty clear signs that she was interested. One night I asked for her number - she said no. Later, on the bus, I see her making out with a really scrawny guy who lives down the hall from me, who happened to have a beautiful girlfriend at the time, meaning he was cheating on her. As they were making out, she kept looking at me in a way that said, "na-na! you can't have me!" I never found her attractive after that night.

 

-Then there was this girl who I met volunteering in a homeless shelter and later had a class with her. She seemed like she had the kindest heart in the world, and was beautiful to boot. She turned me down too, though. As weeks passed, I began to realize that she wasn't that kind of a person at all, in fact she hid a very wicked and discriminatory personality behind her pretty face. I eventually discovered months later that she found herself a boyfriend, a guy I knew personally who gave me a drunken sucker-punch the first time I met him. Failing school, gets drunk all the time, dresses all ghetto - a 5-star jerk and loser. I realized that the two were a good match for each other.

 

-A crush I had in high school turned me down in a very cold way and managed paint me as a creep to everyone in her little circle of friends. It especially hurt since it was the first girl I ever had the guts to ask out. I got over her and her dumb friends, though. After I got out of my blind trance, I began to see that she wasn't all that special, in fact she was extremely insecure and scared, despite that she was probably one of the most attractive girls at my school. She dated this really scrawny yet arrogant Chinese guy for a bit. Then she went after her biggest crush whom she thought was so handsome - a big freckled red haired football player, whom I also had rough dealings with in the past. I'm pretty sure he made quick work of her and dumped her. I'm sure that helped her already-meek self-esteem.

 

-And then there was the girl who seemed totally into me, so much that when I asked her out she said that she would loveeeeeee to go to a movie with me next weekend once she gets back into town. The date never happened, nor did I ever speak to her again. I was puzzled about it but eventually forgot about her. Recently, I found out that in those several weeks after I met her, she came out as a lesbian, dropped out of school, and joined the army.

 

So why did I bring these cases up? They make me laugh when I look back at them, but they also remind me that while I haven't had much success with girls, I shouldn't blame myself. Sure, there are things I can improve on, and with each rejection I've learned a lot. But looking at these girls, I realize that none of them were right for me, and I'm glad they didn't take up time spent looking for others. I could sit in my room and beat myself up for screwing these situations up, but these girls weren't perfect either, evidently far from perfection even. I didn't play games with them - I was only being myself, no more, no less. They didn't seem to want a genuine guy, so you know what? Fine by me. There are many people out there who are insecure idiots that want the satisfaction of manipulating you to boost their egos. Just be yourself. If a girl wants you to be fake and play those pointless games in her presense, then you shouldn't find her appealing anyway. Just be confident that there are good people out there who are above that non-sense and have enough self-esteem to bypass those silly games.

[ghost69]

maybe when you feel you are less ******** you are becoming clingy and desperate. not so much comfortable.