Just Socially Inept?

[rothman]

I am an extremely hard working college student who seems to put work before self and even sometimes friends. I have been taught and seen all my life the difference between people who didn't work in school and the people who worked in school, and their life styles after college. I am currently at my university doing summer classes (a requirement for my major), and yet again have selflessly dedicated myself to my studies, which I find extremely interesting at this point. During the break time in between classes, I have been trying to contact one of my old friends in town, and I believe he's avoiding me. I am kinda bummed out by this fact; I feel the commitments and work I have put towards my studies has made me less social-able person. I have tons of other friends, but this person is someone I have put a lot of time into hanging out with.

 

I also feel that the amount of work that I have put into school and the major that I decided to do (chemical engineering), has made me less of an attractive person to females. I seem to mention the fact that I'm an engineering student to girls at a party when they ask, and they seem to imidately assume I'm some know it all * * * * * who's worthless. I personally don't have any ego and am desperate for some type of stable relationship. I am also aware that if I try to desperately or quickly to move into one, that's not a great idea either (I have had multiple occasions where this has happened). I guess my biggest question is, "Is it worth it to put this amount of stress and energy into something I appreciate and know will benefit me in the future?" Sometimes the emptiness that I feel just adds to the growing depression inside of me, the depression that tells me I can never have anyone close to me, that I'm just a looser...

[skatealexia]

I believe that you are right to put all your work into your studies, as its something that you enjoy doing, and as you say it will benerfit you in later life. But remember that you need to balance the working side of life with the going out and having fun side, all work, and no play isn't do fun Try and make more time for friends, or set side days where you will go out ect, engage more, or even join a sport, or have a hobby to do something other than work. I believe that chemical engineering would actually interest the right sort of person, rather than put them off, because its different, and also shows that you are intelligent so yeah. It shouldn't make you any less attractive to females And as for your ego, only you can build in confidence, the more you tell yourself it isn't going to happen, the more you think it isn't so think positively, you will meet someone.

[vermilion]

) I seem to mention the fact that I'm an engineering student to girls at a party when they ask, and they seem to immediately assume I'm some know it all ------- who's worthless. I personally don't have any ego and am desperate for some type of stable relationship.

 

Is there any way that you're coming off as a snob? Sometimes I get a sense of snootiness from engineering guys. Some of them are just shy but they don't realize how they come accross. Some seem to think they're better than everyone else just because of their major- maybe they are but they don't need to show that to everyone else. Why don't you ask a friend what impression you give of yourself?

 

If you seem too quiet, it can very easily be interpreted as,"This guy thinks he's too good to talk to me!"

 

 

Engineering...god I couldn't imagine how much work it would take I think it's great you're doing that. All your hard work will pay off- in money

 

I don't think it puts you at a disadvantage with girls at all as long as you keep your attitude in check. Sure there may be some girls that judge you by your major, but who cares about them?

 

 

And as always, it's important to keep your desperation in check too. Why are you so desperate for a girlfriend? If you really think about it you might realize your reasons aren't all that solid. Perhaps you just want to validate yourself to others by having one? Or you want someone to be close to- which a friend can do. Or maybe you just want sex- which you don't really need a girlfriend for.

 

Of course, doing this might not make you want one any less, but it might make you realize that there's no need to rush or push for it so hard you scare off girls. As always, confidence is key.

 

Good Luck.

[rothman]

And as always, it's important to keep your desperation in check too. Why are you so desperate for a girlfriend? If you really think about it you might realize your reasons aren't all that solid. Perhaps you just want to validate yourself to others by having one? Or you want someone to be close to- which a friend can do. Or maybe you just want sex- which you don't really need a girlfriend for.

 

Of course, doing this might not make you want one any less, but it might make you realize that there's no need to rush or push for it so hard you scare off girls. As always, confidence is key.

 

Good Luck.

 

I think it's more validation than anything. I've had horrible, horrible relationships in the past, and I guess I just need validation that there is some stability out there. I don't have any ego whatsoever, but I guess just saying that I'm an engineer will make me come accross as someone who thinks they are better.

[vermilion]

I think it's more validation than anything.

 

Why do you need to validate yourself with some dumb girl though?

 

I mean, you already sound very smart, you have friends, you're a worthwhile person. And I think when you do get a stable girlfriend, sure you'll be happy, but it won't make you feel any better about yourself in the long run. Just because you haven't had a long-term gf doesn't say anything about you. You're still young- a lot of people don't wanna get serious until college is over.

[rothman]

I've been so hurt in the past, it has made me feel that I'm incapable of maintaining a real, stable relationship; Like I feel as if there is something inherently wrong with me that makes me not able to be liked in the way a girlfriend is suppost to like a guy. I want to feel as if I am socially capable of having a girl. I've had girls in the past, but it seems as if I get one for sexual gratification and to get over the last one. I also need validation that there is another source out there... that there is someone out there who will care about me...

[rothman]

oh well... i guess no one else has an opinion... bump!

[duppy_conqueror]

I've been so hurt in the past, it has made me feel that I'm incapable of maintaining a real, stable relationship; Like I feel as if there is something inherently wrong with me that makes me not able to be liked in the way a girlfriend is suppost to like a guy. I want to feel as if I am socially capable of having a girl. I've had girls in the past, but it seems as if I get one for sexual gratification and to get over the last one. I also need validation that there is another source out there... that there is someone out there who will care about me...

]

 

of course we all have had past situations where we have been or felt rejected by someone. the important thing is is to not let that weigh down on you in the present. like the first reply, you need to balance study with leisure time. after all, when you find a mate you cant expect them to be ok with never being able to spend time with you, because your too busy studying right?

[shy2cool]

I am sorry to stereotype but from what I gather, engineering guys are either extremely geeky or beer drinking pissheads who possess the biggest egos ever.

 

I am sure that you don't fit into any of these extremes, but that's how I picture most engie guys to be like.

[rothman]

we can be as cocky as anyone who feels accomplished with their work.

[rothman]

we're just looser looking for acceptance, lol.