loveyourself5 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 So how are you supposed to interpret this line? When the guy that you're seeing tells you that he likes you a lot, but doesn't want a serious relationship...just wants to see you and have fun with you. That his state of mind is not in the right place as of now, and that there are a lot of problems going on with his kid. So what do you do, you tell him you don't want anything serious as well while trying to keep your feelings in check, not wear your heart on your sleeve. So then he says "You don't care about me" in which I answer "I'm not suppose to care", after all we're just having fun right? From day one I told him that I wasn't going to push anything, whatever happens...happens. I let him know that I wanted to be there for him as a friend for whatever he's got going on, just like I would for any of my friends. Seriously, how am I supposed to act? I feel that if I act like I care he thinks I'm going into the 'serious relationship' path, and if I act or pretend that I don't care he thinks I'm not interested. Aaaahhh!!!! What does he want from me? Is he scared of letting someone in, or what?](*,) Link to comment
vermilion Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I'm sorry I'm confused. What are you doing with this guy? Were you just having fun? Cuz if you were you shouldn't be stressing at all. If you are, act how you want to, he's not your boyfriend. You should just take that line at face value, he likes you, but doesn't want a relationship. Link to comment
tulip rose Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Just remember that the word "but" is the eraser. Anything that comes before the word "but" is erased and the truth is what is after that word! Link to comment
justaguy09 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Well, I could be totally wrong (and this is my first post here)... but your story caught my attention because I've been through a similar situation. Sometimes people who've been hurt in a past relationship are reluctant to get emotionally involved with someone and they want to take things really slow, he might have feelings for you that he is trying to hold back for fear of being hurt again, classic fear of commitment. Then as he said, if there are other issues in his life causing stress, he might have to put relationships a little lower on the priority list than what you would like it to be. As hard as it might be, if you like the guy and believe he likes you... the best thing to do might be to sit back and go with the flow. Communication is essential, you have to both talk about your goals and your feelings AND try to understand where the other person is coming from. He might in fact NOT want a serious relationship for a long time to come, however long it takes him to heal from past hurts, and deal with whatever stresses he is going through in life outside of the relationship. If you start to believe that eventually the guy will come around and fall in love with you head over heels, you might be setting yourself up for a lot of heartache. You will need to be open to the possibility that it could go either way, and that if the relationship starts to become stressful due to lack of communication or differences in what you both want out of the relationship, he might run from it. So in summary, if you really like this guy, and you think the feeling is mutual and want to try and make a relationship work, you might need to be the laid back friend for a while and let him see that you are willing to help him work out his problems together as a friend, before romance can bloom. Just remember! Don't get stuck in BELIEVING things will eventually get serious or you're setting yourself up for the possibility of serious rejection. Keep it in your head that things may or may not work out the way you want them to, and take a lot of care to avoid impressing your wants upon someone who may want something different, or even might be completely unsure what he wants, in which case he will have to figure that out on his own, at his own pace. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Pardon the expression, but why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? He wants the benefits of a relationship without having to be committed to one. Link to comment
loveyourself5 Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 Honestly, I'm confused myself. We go on dates sometimes, enjoy each other's company...kiss. I don't call him my bf...I don't even know what he is? If I act like we're just 'dating', he gets mad and tells me I'm not interested, that's what I don't get. He on the other hand has called me his gf once. I guess I lose either way, can't win. I don't want to walk away because I feel that there could be something there but he's afraid of the 'emotional' aspect of dating someone. Link to comment
i_win Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 This is the early relationship/dating equivalent to "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." Link to comment
loveyourself5 Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 Pardon the expression, but why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? He wants the benefits of a relationship without having to be committed to one. Actually he hasn't gotten the milk yet...which is why I don't think he's after just that. He might want the cow with milk and all Link to comment
loveyourself5 Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 This is why I don't want to walk away just yet. He did stated that he was stressed out, and it is not fair for me for him to pretend that everything's alright in his life. I just wish he wouldnt close himself like that, and just let me in as a friend. I always keep an open mind about whatever the outcomes will be. I have to be careful though, I tend to care too much about people, even if I don't show it. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I have a guy who did this to me. He pressured me to show more emotion and I said, "When you're ready to be vulnerable, I'll be ready to be vulnerable. In the meantime, I'm just enjoying myself and I am guarding my heart." Link to comment
vermilion Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Honestly, I'm confused myself. We go on dates sometimes, enjoy each other's company...kiss. I don't call him my bf...I don't even know what he is? If I act like we're just 'dating', he gets mad and tells me I'm not interested, that's what I don't get. He on the other hand has called me his gf once. I guess I lose either way, can't win. I don't want to walk away because I feel that there could be something there but he's afraid of the 'emotional' aspect of dating someone. It sounds clear that this whole thing is going to be on HIS terms only though. Like HE decides when and what you two are. He sounds too confusing. I'd say "dump" him. You deserve someone who wants a relationship with you- not just the benefits. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I am, or was, in the same situation! A guy I was seeing said the same things, but on the other hand admitted feelings for me and suffered with a healthy amount of jealousy over me too. I wasnt as laid back as you though and at first I put pressure on, but as time went on I eased and tried to give him space, and things were lovely, but I found myself getting deeper and I started to find the space so difficult, and it started to really hurt me. So I fininshed it (again!) about a week ago. However, since finishing it, obviously I have missed him, we have not spoken since then or had any contact at all - and then what does he do...? he calls me last night and plays a love song we both shared about being hurt in the past and not being able to commit down the phone to me for ages, then just hung up - how romantic and sweet. I was bowled over, thought I was going to cry. Couldnt think of a better way to communicate with me over this, as he finds it hard to talk and we have a real good connection between us about music aswell, so it was really special. I know it doesnt change anything, but at least I know he cares and that he is thinking about me, so it seems that he really really DOES like me and want to be with me, but yet cannot because of all the problems he has (which we have discussed) and past hurts. x Link to comment
CaptainNapalm Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 If it is a more serious/significant relationship that you're looking for at this time then you have to move on as he's not for you. If you are interested in casual/just for fun dating then you shouldn't have a problem acting accordingly as both of you are in it for the fun. My guess is that you want something significant out of this and he doesn't so if that's the case don't get involved with him as you are bound to get hurt. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 people like this are sending clear signs. it's time to move on. Link to comment
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