What are the things people seek in a relationship?

[allypally]

Hi,

 

Instead of focusing on the bad things which come with a break up, what is it that people look for in a relationship? This may be obvious, but one of the reasons for finishing with someone in the first place is because we are not feeling fulfilled in the relationship.

 

What are the things I look for?

 

Support when times are bad (and good)

Someone to talk to (best friend) and to listen to them when they want to talk

Trust

Romance

Experiencing laughter and siliness

Growing together (spiritually) and encouraging your other half to better themselves

Having new experiences

Being happy for them and letting them have fun (not necessarily when with you)

Thoughtfulness

Making them feel special

Taking care of them when they are ill

Being able to forgive and move on

Being able to argue constructively

Going with the flow

 

I am questioning my own behaviour in a relationship and having broken up with my ex a couple of weeks ago now, am looking at the things I do that lead me to need to break things off in the first place.

 

Realising it takes two people to make a relationship work, I have a lot of insecurities that don't help and am seeing a therapist to try and sort them out. There is the fear that my ex could find someone else tomorrow and move on although we are still seeing eachother as though we haven't broken up at all which is disconcerting. We haven't spoken about it since that fateful day but I am going to have to go NC and see what happens.

[Keyman]

I think we all look for those things Ally, but these are the things I am looking for...

 

The most important first:

Someone that wants to be in a relationship and not just float on the outskirts.

Someone that understands that a strong relationship is based on a strong foundation.

That independence in a relationship comes when a strong foundation is formed.

Someone who will say I love you at least one a day, every day.

Someone who is romantic.

Someone willing to set shared goals.

Someone that will put me first as I put them first.

Someone that is proud to be with me and tells everyone.

Intelligence.

A strong work ethic.

Someone who attracts me physically and mentally and I her.

Someone with ambition.

Someone prepared to adjust their lives to include me.

Someone who will ask me if I want to meet her friends.

Someone who want to be my equal.

Someone who can push back if I push too much.

Someone serious but fun.

Someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with me.

Someone gentle.

Someone sensitive.

Someone not scared to talk about their emotions.

Someone not scared to talk about my emotions.

Someone who knows what they want.

Someone who doesn't just drift through life.

Someone I can trust and that works with my insecurities.

Someone sexually open.

Someone a bit tomboyish.

 

And the list goes on.

 

I know I'm not perfect, and in the realtionship I could have been a better person, but it was she who set me off, and it was I who made her draw away.

 

Now I need help stepping away from her memory, as for all of my strength, I am still dying on the inside. Time will heal yes, but until then, sometimes it is all I can do not to break down. (Yep, I've had a couple of drinks, can't you tell?). I want to meet someone new and get on with my life, but I fear hurting someone - aka rebound - but I fear not having someone and hurting myself. It's great having all of you there to talk to and let my emotions out to, but who can be there for me in the physical (non-sexual) sense when I just need someone to hold or hold me? Love will find it's way to me when it's ready. I can only wait until then.

 

Goodnight everyone.

[xtiarax]

There are loads of things that people are looking for in a relationship and sometimes you do not need specific things in a relationship but of course you need things like trust, the person to be honest with you, someone who is there when you need them and will take the good with the bad. I guess the things that people look for in a relationship are not always there in one person as no one can be perfect with everything that people desire within a realtionship, i mean you will get some within the relationship but not everything. You will get people who are kind and caring and good looking but sometimes you never really know a person until you live with them and not even then you know them really as sometimes people can do funny things when you least expect it and will make mistakes.

[Brokenhearted1607307810]

For me i want a friend first and foremost.

 

Someone who can see me as i really am, and can see right inside me and knows when im hurting and when i need support.

Someone who will love me and be there for me no matter what.

 

And in return, i offer the same, everything else is just fluff...