So I saw her again....

[sabio]

Been broken up from my ex - fiance of 10+ years for almost six months now, i think i have lost track of time. Anyway, I saw her for the first time since December a few weeks back. My reaction then still baffles me. I was broken and had to retreat home for an hour. As I mentioned in that post, I picked myself up within an hour and went back out. That was a sure sign of dealing with the issue and healing....

 

Fast forward to today, driving home from work and on the last couple of miles to my address I find myself behind a vaguely familiar car... it was her AGAIN. She didn't see me. How did I react? No emotional outburst whatsoever, just a silent acknowledgement of "I picked that car and helped pay for it! No wonder it looks familiar!"

 

The reason I am posting this is to assure all of US suffering here that things do change. My reaction to seeing her today was a total opposite of what I did last time round. I felt so much in control of me and was proud that I was almost blank and totally void of emotion. If this is healing, then bring it on! It felt good.

 

Personally this really is a rollercoaster ride. Up one moment and down the next. But honestly you are the only one who has the power over your reactions to these "triggers". I am praying that my acceptance and moving on journey has really finally began. It's been too long wallowing in self pity, self doubt, questions and wondering who replaced me... btw I found out who and he really is no competition, she obviously didn't think so though.... but it's not about them anymore... Please please always remember that!

 

We now need to take care of US and to make sure that WE are doing things to make us happy and are heading towards a life that is fulfilled with someone who is as into US as we are in to them.

[greywolf]

Good for you and well said!

[lotsofboxes]

A lovely post of hope for the dark times we endure

 

I so agree with you deciding you'd have enough of wallowing in self pitty and decided NO MORE that its time to move on, I think this happens to quite a few people, an event...just something will happen and you will change, you wont even notice is

 

So glad you are on the road to total freedom (Although I know we never get over them, they just become harmless memories)

[riley123]

I totally agree with you. Healing your heart is a strange and sometimes torturous process. Everyone has good days and bad days (I know I do) and I think that’s because somewhere along the line we convinced ourselves we need that other person to be happy.

 

But you know what, WE DON’T!

 

When you’re feeling down just remind yourself that the relationship was just one chapter in your story. And the best is yet to come.

[Mun]

I was thinking the same thing That is a really long time to just be engaged. Wow!

[sabio]

Apologies for the confusion in my labelling of my ex. We started going out before we went to university. And had a relationship for over 10 years. We got engaged 4 years ago but due to illness and death in the family did not actiually get married as planned about 2 years ago. Hope that clarifies things.

[sabio]

Apologies for the confusion in my labelling of my ex. We started going out before we went to university. And had a relationship for over 10 years. We got engaged 4 years ago but due to illness and death in the family did not actiually get married as planned about 2 years ago. Hope that clarifies things.

 

Also I found out quite recently that there is someone else involved although I was made to believe this person had disappeared (we have encountered him before, about 5 years ago!). He had created problems for us in the past but we managed to work things out.

 

I thought I'd mention this because it seems to me that it's almost always the case regardless of what we are told. Sometimes I just feel very foolish for trying so hard when in fact offerring the world would probably have made no difference.

 

The thing with healing is just you are dealing with multiple issues... betrayal, disloyalty, being made to look a fool, and a big blow to your self confidence, self esteem and also rejection!

 

It's not easy!

[sabio]

Apologies for the confusion in my labelling of my ex. We started going out before we went to university. And had a relationship for over 10 years. We got engaged 4 years ago but due to illness and death in the family did not actiually get married as planned about 2 years ago. We had a wedding date, had paid the deposit for the reception, she was out shopping for dresses etc etc.. so I was not stringing anyone along. With hindsight I now realise it was the other way round and she obviously had good reason for it. Hope that clarifies things.

 

Also I found out quite recently that there is someone else involved although I was made to believe this person had disappeared (we have encountered him before, about 5 years ago!). He had created problems for us in the past but we managed to work things out.

 

I thought I'd mention this because it seems to me that it's almost always the case regardless of what we are told. Sometimes I just feel very foolish for trying so hard when in fact offerring the world would probably have made no difference.

 

The thing with healing is just you are dealing with multiple issues... betrayal, disloyalty, being made to look a fool, and a big blow to your self confidence, self esteem and also rejection!

 

It's not easy!

[arcadefire]

Break ups are never easy, especially to the person who is more emotionally invested.

 

I'm really happy to read about how you've grown from the process! Really gives that additional boost for those who are still struggling with memories of their ex (me...)