he gets frusterated so easily

[keepquiet]

My boyfriend and I hardly fight at all, I think that is mostly because I refuse to. When I feel an argument coming on I always keep my mouth shut and let him say whatever he wants to avoid the fight, then choose a better time to talk about it when I have calmed down as well. This technique is great because we never fight, but it can be hard to keep my opinions to myself, especially when he is being rediculous.

 

Sometimes, I think I could strangle him when it comes to the simplest things. A little while ago we locked outselved out of the house on accident and had to climb through a window. We had to take the screen out to do so, and today I went to go put it back. He wouldn't let me do it myself because *I'm a girl so I obvisouly don't know how* so he insisted he do it. He had it completely wrong but wouldn't let me show him the right way. When he couldn't get it in after 30 seconds he threw it out the window of our apartment and it broke.

 

We bought some furniture that we had to put together ourselves that was pretty simple. I bought it for him for his desk and I am more than capable of assemling it myself. He had to be the man and do it himself, which I was fine with. I gave him space and left the room while he did it. Less that 5 minutes after I left the room, he had thrown the box against the wall causing damage. And that was it.

 

There is no sense talking to him when he is in this state, because he will just yell and snap back, and his frsuteration hightens. When I mention his reaction to him once he was calmed down, he totally denies it and doesn't think he over reacted at all.

 

These aren't the only two cases that he has acted this way. It's so rediculous and annoying, and he yells at me for doing something wrong. Should I continue keeping my distance or confront him next time his and idiot like this?

[Roasted Carrots]

It sounds like you're dating a 2 year old! Oh my. How old is he?

 

From my perspective, the way you "fight" does not sound healthy at all. And by the way, bottling up your own feelings and biting your tongue so that you dont "fight" is wrong. You say that you hardly ever fight.....because you just take his tantrums!

 

It's normal to argue. Couples argue all the time and both people bring up issues. One person throwing a tantrum and the other taking it and then trying to bring up the issue later is not healthy in my book.

 

Next time he throws a fit like a baby, leave the room or the house. When he decides to become an adult again calmly explain why his behavior is unacceptable.

[pinkelephant]

Is anyone else alarmed by his sexist-ness?

 

 

is he for real with these? if so, i think you have a bigger problem than arguments.

[Roasted Carrots]

Aaah yes, I forgot to mention the sexist-ness.

 

I don't see anything wrong with men wanting to be men and wanting to "provide" etc etc, but when he can't do it he should let you try!!! Especially when it sounds like you're capable of it.

[Enigmatika]

There is no sense talking to him when he is in this state, because he will just yell and snap back, and his frsuteration hightens. When I mention his reaction to him once he was calmed down, he totally denies it and doesn't think he over reacted at all.

....Do the same thing one day to him....and watch his reaction.

[caro33]

I would not confront him when he's going through the peak of his frustration as it seems clear he is not really in control of himself at that time. Ideally you would not be with someone like this at all, but let's assume you don't want to cut and run, at least not just yet...

 

Given that, I would find a time to talk to him, a time where he's had a chance to relax, he's not doing something else at the same time, and you guys are not fighting. And not in bed at the end of the day. I would say to him that I had not been comfortable with the way he reacted to situations A and B (be specific but only raise one or two occasions at the most), and that we needed to find a way to avoid this happening again. I would ask him what he was feeling at that time, and try to talk with him about finding a way to manage things. I would ask if there was anything I has done that provoked his frustration, and ask what I needed to do differently (perhaps he thought you were sneering at him or telling him off). I would tell him how those times made me feel (gently, kindly) and I would be clear that I would not tolerate it again. Hopefully he'll engage with you and you can help him help himself and take responsibility for what I agree is pretty poor behaviour. Make it clear that even if he denies it, this is how you feel and you will not accept any more.

 

If he will not talk to you about this at all, if he won't recognise there is a problem or if he belittles you for not taking his tantrums, then you have a very clear sign to leave this relationship. This behaviour is unacceptable.

[nutbrownhare]

Yep - you're dating a spoilt little boy, not a man. The fact that he totally denies it suggests he's quite happy with the way he is. Question is, are you?

 

(Helpful hint: you can't change another person!)

[Excalibur]

I believe alot of people indulge his insecurities - which is giving him the Hitler complex.