Single for too long - not sure how to get back in game

[byates5637]

I'm a 24 year old guy, and I have been single for the last 8 months. Not only have I been single, but I havn't gone on a single date or even had any prospects. I am really starting to get down on myself for this.

 

I have dated lots of girls in the past. I had a really long relationship with a girl that finally ended about a year ago. She broke my heart and I still struggle to get over her. After this ended, I dated another girl for about two months, but I ended it for a couple reasons. And since then.....nothing.

 

I feel like my life is passing by and I am missing my chances to enjoy life. I feel very lonely alot of the time. I really want to meet someone new and start a relationship, but I'm not sure how to start. I am not shy, but lately I get alot of anxiety when I am around women that could be potential dates. To make things worse, next week I am moving back into my dads house for the summer to save up money. It seems like living with my dad will make it even harder for me to meet someone, and will lower my confidence even more.

 

Does anyone have any motivational stories to help me? Has anyone here ever been single for a long time after a breakup, and then suddenly find a great girl? I just want to hear something to lift my spirits a little bit, cuz lately i feel like I will be alone forever.

[Daligal83]

The only way to get dates is to put yourself out there. If you're staying home all the time, you won't meet anyone. If you go out, but don't talk to anyone, you won't meet anyone. Also, try not to put a lot of pressure on it. Just go life your life, have a great time and keep your eye open. If you're always looking, it's harder to find.

 

Also, let your friends know that you're interested in being fixed up if they know anyone. I did that and a couple weeks later my friend was setting me up with a guy.

 

As for your anxiety around girls who could be potential dates, that's because you're putting so much pressure on there. They are just girls. I mean you might not even be interested once you get to know her! Just see her as a person, you want to see if you guys get along and that's it. No pressure. If it works out, great, if not, oh well. Don't put them up on a pedestal.

[byates5637]

The only way to get dates is to put yourself out there. If you're staying home all the time, you won't meet anyone. If you go out, but don't talk to anyone, you won't meet anyone.

 

 

Thanks, that's good advice. I do go out about twice a week usually (besides work/school) . My problem is, I only talk to my friends when I am out. I can sit at a bar with tons of attractive women for hours, but only talk to my friends. I feel uncomfortable approaching new people I guess. I need to work on this.

[Daligal83]

It's not easy to do! I have the same problem with guys. I'm way too shy and insecure about my looks to approach anyone. If a guy approaches me, I'm talkative, but I can't initiate anything. It's tough too when you're with a lot of people because it's not natural to break away and go talk to a stranger.

 

Are any of your friends pretty outgoing? If you go out with just one or two guys who feel comfortable talking to new people, they can help lead you into that conversation.

 

There's also the issue of seeming approachable. Like there are guys at my gym that I'd want to talk to, but they definitely don't make themselves approachable at all. One guy did and now we're friendly and talk, but the rest don't. I've made friends with a ton of people at that gym and in that situation, don't really have a problem talking to new people, but they kind of give off this "vibe" that makes me feel uncomfortable about it. So if you're out at the bar and see a girl you think is attractive, make sure to make eye contact with her and smile a bit so she knows that you're open to talking to her.

[simple_guy25]

I hear where your coming from man, the best advice I can give is to have patience. I'm 23, living at home with my parents (cheaper than having my own place, plus they need help paying the bills), and until about a month ago I had been single for 23 years!! I basically realized I was going to be single my whole life and decided to just enjoy it and make the best of it. But apparently fate had other plans for me. I started talking to an old classmate I hadn't seen in 10 years online, and next thing I knew we were going out for coffee. It's been 5 weeks, we talk almost everyday when we can, and our shortest date was 8 hours, and tonight I had my first kiss. Life is good.

 

So to me, 8 months is nothing, you' obviously know how all this works, because you made it work before. its like riding a bike. you just need to wait for the right person to come along. enjoy being single (I know it sounds impossible right now). If you accept who you are, you'll be a more positive and confident person, and confidence is the key to meeting the type of woman your looking for.

[byates5637]

Yea I dont think I make myself very approachable. Lately I have been insecure about my body image as well, which is kind of insane. I have gained about 10 lbs of fat over the winter, but I am still normal weight (5'11 170 lbs). I keep telling myself I need to lose the fat before I can meet anyone, but I know this is just an excuse because I'm still in better shape then most Americans.

 

Anyway, I need to work on the approachabillity thing.

[byates5637]

Thanks man! This is exactly the kind of story I wanted to hear. And congrats on your new girlfriend

[Daligal83]

I wouldn't worry about the 10 lbs. I actually like a guy with a little more meat on him. I think if you make yourself more approachable, like you said, and stop putting so much pressure on the idea of meeting someone, it'll just happen when you aren't looking for it. And think about letting your friends know that you're open to being set up with someone. That's the great part about having friends...they know people that you don't!

 

Also, I have my own story that may help. I had broken up with a guy in September/October 2005 and dated around a little bit but nothing worked out. I didn't get my next boyfriend until August 2006. We're broken up now, but we dated for over a year and a half. We were actually friends for 3 1/2 years before we started dating and just clicked that summer. You never know where you'll find your next girl.

[bmwm3]

dude... dont worry about losing weight... should be more worried about gaining weight and working out... i know what you mean by body image.. i had it... know i am 6.4 210lbs skinny frame with muscles... but i used to be 6.4 180.. when your out with your friends.. just talk to new girls.. and youle see how easy it is... i meet 2-5girls, everyday. coffe shop, grocery store, bookstore, gas station.. you name it there everywhere... just have fun...

[ghost69]

go out and have a good time with your friends. but look around and if you see something, try. i have a buddy like this. he's a pretty good looking dude too. but he is scared to death for some reason. plus, i think he is still hung up on an ex too. i'm getting him to come around more though. he needs more interaction. so do you. speak up. make moves.