I met the ex last night

[Me and myself]

That's right, my friends...I saw my ex last night. Saturday night, I was alone and I didn't knew where to go. So I decided to go to the bar where my ex is working as a dj.

Some of my friends go there so I had this hope of meeting them.

The bar was crowded, a lot of people inside....in the space between all that people I saw her. So I went to say Hi to her...she was surprised at first but as she was talking to me she was giving her best friend those eye glances as if she was saying "He came here for me, he's trying to reconnect with me. I know his intentions."

For those who don't know my story, she broke up with me on 2006 Xmas. During the the month after the break up I met her twice: in the first I asked her to reconsider and she said no. The next one was just small talk as if we were good friends. After that, I started my NC which lasted more than 8 months until I broke it by meeting her when I went to the same bar, in June of 2007. I only met her two more times, since then.

In both times I was hoping that she would interpret my reapearences as if I was ready to re-iniciate a friendship with her because she always told me I was a very special person, someone who she will never would forget, etc, etc...you know, all that dumper talk we know so well.

After each of these encounters I was hoping to ear the phone ringing, a text coming by with an invitation to have a coffee...but nothing happened. Afterall, It seems I was not that special.

In the last meeting, before last night, I was really happy because I was near her and wasn't feeling any change in my heartbeat, any sweat in my hands, I was relaxed and I was in that "I don't give a " frame of mind. We talked for half an hour and then I spent the rest of the night talking with my friend.

But last night, I didn't met any of my friends there. I was there alone. I just say hi to her, got myself a drink, and then I went to speak with her best friend for a while until she went home.

Then I was alone, just looking to the people in the bar. I didn't went to talk to my ex. I was only 2 meters away from her but I was not in the mood of making small talk. I decided to do not give her any special attention. I was just there, alone, looking to the people in the bar. I stood there for more

20 minutes or so when I decided to leave because I noticed that probably I was making a poor figure by being there alone without anyone to talk to (and probably she was thinking that I was there trying to make the victim's role, which was not true).

Obviously I shouldn't have gone there but after almost 2 years I feel sick of all this. I got myself to the point where I think "I don't give a about what she thinks".

We all spend some time, some of us, just like me, spend a lot of time lingering to false hopes.

We use every word our ex's say to feed our hopes, we find meanings in their words that don't exist just to feed our hopes.

This is something that is natural. Our brain is just using its protecting mechanisms so that we don't feel any pain. But after 2 years of this emotional rollercoaster I become aware that it's inevitable to face the pain because I was using constantly using the "hope" mechanism.

So, yesterday I faced my pain...I came out of that bar with the feeling that, once and for all, it's over.

In spite the fact that I never heard from her in these last two years, I needed an evidence that it makes no sense to feel any hope. And I got it last night.

Now I'm feeling that I'm really letting her go...and I'm feeling such an emptiness. It's not missing her, it's just the feeling of knowing that an important stage of my life is over, which makes me feel a sweet sadness.

And if this one is over, I know a new one is coming. And because the future is unknown, beside of the joy of knowing that a new stage is coming, it also gives me a lot of fear.

[android]

I guess u made the right move... But dont go about the pettiness and thoughts that you gotta show her that ur happy without her and stuff like that. Dont go in ther and make a fool of urself again.. and if u do go in, maybe with a girl by ur side that would be good for ur ego... but dont go around waiting for this, u will lose the good things by u and lose people who love u.. seen spiderman 3??? and u'll nvr succcedd in forgeting her if ur thinking about revenge... so keep the smile and ur head up...u'll be alrite!

[Me and myself]

Thanks for the reply.

 

But dont go about the pettiness and thoughts that you gotta show her that ur happy without her and stuff like that.

 

Well, I didn't went there to show her that I'm happy without her. It was a strange decision to go to the bar because there wasn't any intention from my side, at least in a conscious manner. I just wanted to meet some friends.

And in spite the way how I wrote my post might show, I didn't gave her any special attention because I want revenge or because I want to despise her. I did it because she was working and because I sensed that there wasn't a good "climate" to talk. I noticed she was just being polite so I kept it that way too.

 

M&M

[android]

thats cool bro... move on...i hope u've already started... gud luk

[brian123]

good post. I like the part about taking every bit of false hope that we can get and twisting it to make it sound like we have a chance.