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I really really need advice here. REALLY.

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So much has happened with me lately, i feel that its all out of control. First of all I had been in a very serious relationship with an alchoholic for a long time. The relationship was sadly ending, but i was optimistic, even a bit happy as i recently started a new job in a new town. "love" wasn't something I wanted or thought about at all. I didn't even believe in love at first sight, then I was introduced to a new associate at work. We just stared at eachtother.

Of course the relationship with the alchoholic has ended. My first thougt was " Yay, this frees me up to allow myself to be pursused by (the boy I had met). We bonded immediately , as friends. We took our breaks together, and would just talk about nothing in particula, or just stare at eachother and blush. Everyone would come up and tell me how he'd fallen for me. I didn't say anything, although I felt the exact same way. Then I noticed how innocent he acted, so I asked him how old he was. Well, he's 19 and I'm 25.

I try hard not to let this bother me, however, I'm really scared. I have just been hurt by someone I loved dearly and was very close to (even though I wasn't "in love" with them). Now I've fallen for this guy and I have alot of reservations...social stigma pales in comparison to what I'm scared of. This guy could really devastate me. I love him, he's precious, gorgeous. I wouldn't be one bit surprised if he were a virgin, he really is that innocent. I think that what I percieve as true love here could be only serious infatuation for him.

So I'm hurting him. i don't mean to but I am sort of ignoring him. I hate that I'm doing it, but I'm scared and don't need to be hurt again.

I don't know what I'm doing here! Does anyone have any advice?

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I don't think the problem is his age so much, but you are confusing infatuation with love. You say you love him, but you don't even know him well enough to know whether he is a virgin or not. So you are getting really excited and talking about true love when at this point it is nothing more than an infatuation.


Slow down and get to know him. Don't be planning the wedding in your head. A 6 year age difference isn't that big a deal, but deciding someone is perfect for you when you hardly know them IS a big deal because you are in love with a fantasy and not a reality.


I'd work on trying to recognize the difference between excitement/infatuation and permanent, enduring love. If you learn how to pace yourself, you can start dating lots of people and don't need to take it so seriously too soon. You need to keep your fantasies in check until you have really gotten to know the person and are sure that other aspects of your life, goals, plans are in sync before you throw yourself in head first.

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There is a big difference between love and infatuation.


Some people can't tell the difference, thinking they are in love but really it is deep infatuation. Infatuation is instant desire - one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time. Infatuation is marked by feeling of insecurity. You are excited and egar, but not genuinely happy.


I would suggest you take the age aspect out and be friends with him. Make friendship and invest in it.

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The age difference shouldn't pose too much of a problem; you're both adults and just may be at the same stage of your lives, work-wise.

However, it doesn't seem like you're quite ready to move on... a fear of getting hurt is understandable, however, you have to give yourself enough time to heal in order to properly avoid it. Your being interested in other people does not mean that you're completely over the bad things you've recently experienced; in fact, sometimes beginning to love someone else can be an instinct to latch onto someone to "make it all better". It's never a conscious thing, but I think we've all come close to doing it.

Dear, I think you just need to wait a bit... if you're meant to be with this new guy, then it will happen sooner or later. Waiting on it will not make it go away, and if it does, then it wasn't what you needed at the time anyway.

You deserve the very best, and sometimes you can't see what the best thing for you is when you're still healing.

However! If you feel ready to move on, then go for it.

Cheers and best of luck.

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I pretty much agree with whats been said so far. I was lucky enough to end up with the gal I'm now married to, But when Kala first died, Rachel kinda swooped in out of no where and well i jumped in wayyyyy over my head before i even really knew her... which left me in a serious relationship and a situation of havening to "re-Meet" her or get to know her for real after already being committed which was quite challenging as i had fallen for that first-sigh infatuation and fantasy vision of her. Like I said I was luck and the real Rachel turned out to be amazing too, But you can't count on it working that way. Definitely slow down and take it a little at a time.

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