I want to die!!!

[forever_scarred]

This song explain how i feel exactly, every sentence, every word --

 

I tried to kill the pain

but only brought more

so much more

I lay dying

and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

am I too lost to be saved

am I too lost?

 

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

 

do you remember me

lost for so long

will you be on the other side

or will you forget me

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

am I too lost to be saved

am I too lost?

 

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

 

I want to die!!!

 

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

my God my tourniquet

return to me salvation

 

my wounds cry for the grave

my soul cries for deliverance

will I be denied Christ

tourniquet

my suicide

 

I have tried many times to commit suicide but those times i didnt finish what i intended to do - this time i will - this time ill do it and i wont be back - nobody can do anything to stop me this time

[blueangel]

Here is another song to consider.

 

"Self Conclusion" by The Spill Canvas

 

Fade in, start the scene

Enter beautiful girl

But things are not what they seem

As we stand at the edge of the world

 

"Excuse me, sir,

But I have plans to die tonight

Oh, and you are directly in my way

And I bet you're gonna say it's not right"

My reply:

"Excuse me, miss

But do you have the slightest clue

Of exactly what you just said to me

And exactly who you're talking to?"

 

She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me"

I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully"

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion

Of self conclusion in one simplified motion

You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it

No matter how unbearable this misery gets

 

"You make it sound so easy to be alive

But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day

When everything inside me has died?"

My reply:

"Trust me, girl

I know your legs are pleading to leap

But I offer you this easy choice-

Instead of dying, living with me"

 

She said, "Are you crazy? You don't even know me."

I said, "I know, but I'd like to change that soon hopefully"

Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion

Of self conclusion in one simplified motion

You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it

No matter how unbearable this misery gets

 

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough

And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough

I could stand here all night trying to convince you

But what good would that do?

My offer stands, and you must choose

 

"All right, you win, but I only give you one night

To prove yourself to be better than my attempt at flight

I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap

I will toss myself from these very cliffs

And you'll never see it coming"

"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through

Just ten minutes before you got here I was gonna jump too"

 

Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion

Of self conclusion in one simplified motion

You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it

No matter how unbearable this misery gets

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

You're right, friend. No one can stop you....not here, not around you. Only you can stop you.

 

I've wanted to die before too, friend. I tried to kill myself once and fell on the kitchen floor. I pretended to be unconscious as my mom rushed down to see what happened. At the time, I wanted to die because of the verbal abuse from her boyfriend we were both receiving. The truth is life is unfair and it is something we can only accept and make ourselves better from. But anyways, she called my dad. My dad came over and he decided I should go live with him.

 

The next few days in a new environment made me so calm and happy. It was like going from a war zone to a peaceful country. I was in shock at the sudden change, that the light came when I had given up.

 

If it can happen to me, it can happen to you. I have to get offline now, but let's keep talking about this life thing. Im not going to say I can help you. I can only say Ive been there...and I have. And tomorrow I'll tell you more of what I know now....and maybe you can tell me more about your own life.

 

Im so sorry you are suffering. I will pray for you tonight. I promise. Whether it means anything to you or not, I care. I used to be there, and I used to also relate to that song you posted.

[blueangel]

Hey you never replied! I was all ready to talk to you more today.

 

I guess since you may not reply. I will say this:

 

Dont run from problems.

 

That is the greatest thing you could ever learn in terms of dealing with this life. contact me anytime.

[forever_scarred]

im sorry i havent been good emotionally today - maybe talk tomorrow

[blueangel]

im sorry i havent been good emotionally today - maybe talk tomorrow

 

aww it's ok. Im just glad to see you replied. Do you need some good music to listen to for some distraction? I really like music...and Maria Mena is very honest and sweet in her lyrics. Maybe you'll like it: link removed

 

Have a good night and get some rest. Just cradle yourself. You've apparently been through a lot.

[blueangel]

When you're ready to talk, just reply or send me a PM.

 

Here is a poem you might like. It's one very special to me. Enjoy and ttyl!

 

(hint: an Indian elder wrote it. how cool!)

 

It's called THE INVITATION

 

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.

 

I want to know what you ache for,

and if you dare to dream

of meeting you hearts longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk

looking like a fool for love,

for your dreams,

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets

are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched

the center of your own sorrow,

if you have been opened by life's betrayals

or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain,

mine or your own, without moving to hide it

or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,

mine or your own;

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips

of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful,

be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story

you're telling me is true.

I want to know if you can disappoint another

to be true to yourself;

if you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful

and thereforeeee be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty

even when it is not pretty every day,

and if you can source your life from God's presense.

I want to know if you can live with failure,

yours and mine, and still stand on the edge

of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon , Yes!

It doesn't interest me to know

where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and despair,

weary and bruised to the bone,

and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are,

how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center

of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what

or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,

and if you truly like the company you keep in empty moments.