Trying to Sort it out in my head

[bar35]

This girl and I were talking for a while, at the gym. She approached me and we chatted, then i approached her and asked her out. She seemed enthusiastic about it, so we went out the next day.

 

We just went out for coffee and wound up hanging out for about 4 hours, just talking and learning about each other. I failed to make a plan to get together with her at a future time because I didn't want to come push too hard.

 

I texted her the next day to let her know that I had a good time with her and she said "same here." I then called her on mothers day but got no response. I called her yesterday, she called me back but didn't leave a message. So I returned her call, didn't get an answer, dropped her a text, got a reply and she told me that she was a little busy which is why she couldn't talk.

 

I said "NP are you are around later" and she said that she had plans. I had to stop texting because I had a final. So I dropped her one later, which i got no response to.

 

I feel like a total dope writing this here, I just can't keep my cool right now and I am not sure if I should call her again, or just wait it out for a while and regain my composure. Thanks I'm just so stressed out, shes the first girl that I really wanted to go with in a long time.

[servedcold]

Well you have the gym in this case, so notice whether she still turns up when you are there, say hello and flirt some, but excuse yourself quickly. She approached you initially, so she is obviously not afraid to go for something she wants, and may even be turned off by really assertive pursuit. Maybe consider cutting out the texting.

 

When I'm starting up, will send a funny text of some sort, then see how fast and how she responds. If she's slow on the return, or very plain or brief in response, I'll drop text in favor of more traditional contacting. If she's fast to respond and playful, will include texting in further contact. Seems to work ok.

 

Don't worry about keeping your cool, that's part of the fun of it, right?

[bar35]

LOL! Servedcold, you're totally right, not keeping your cool is the fun part about it. Her responses have been mixed. I think that I'll do like you suggest, lay back some now.

 

I guess I just don't want the distraction intruding in my consciousness so darned much. We'll see what happens. My head just got really far ahead of me here.

 

thank you!

[riley123]

Yea, definitely some mixed signals there, but if it were me, I would stop texting and calling for a few days. If she calls you in the meantime, great! But if not, then call her over/after the weekend. If she picks up then try to make a plan to get together again – but don’t talk about how it’s been so hard to reach her – it will make you look desperate.

 

Remember, girls like to be chased and pursued, but not stalked.

 

She probably is very busy with school, work, or even going out with other guys. Play it cool and try not to get so hung up on just one girl; there are plenty of them out there!

[bar35]

good thinking Riley. I am totally with you on that. In the mean time I have scheduled myself another date with someone else too.

 

Thanks for giving a good description of the difference between being pursued and stalking. I have often wondered what the pursuit looked like because it has traditionally been a sprint off the line for me, and when it came to pursuing I was like "yeah, I don't think so."

 

i am going to post that question actually, because it is really interesting to me.

[riley123]

It’s good that you’ve scheduled another date!

 

I wouldn’t get so hung up on whether or not you’re over pursuing/stalking someone who you have just met. When you like someone, let them know. Don’t declare you’re undying love after one date, but don’t play games. Ask if you can see them again and see where it goes from there.

 

Confidence is key -- and that’s really all you can do in the very beginning.

[ghost69]

call her up and leave a message if you get no answer. then put her out of your head. say hey to her at the gym and ask how she's been. you will be able to tell if she is hesitant to talk. don't fret though man. it's just one girl.

[bar35]

I might give it one more shot, calling her that is, but the I don't like the sense of vulnerability that I get with this one. I feel like there is something not quite right and it is making me uneasy. It could be nothing, just good old nerves, but I dunno. I think that the signals should be clearer or something.