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I am soooo pathetic, but I swear I mean well. . .


Boromir
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Hi guys. I love u all for being here to listen to my stupid problems.

 

I have mentioned this over the last few days, but I guess I will summarize everything incase you've missed it.

 

I met a girl last Tueday who was really really nice and I talked to till 3 in the morning. I asked for her number and she said she'd rather have mine. I took that as a polite way of saying no, but she insisted and did call me the next night. Twice. I missed both calls. She left a message.

 

I called her back the next day, twice, and missed her. I did leave a message.

 

Friday she did call me and we spoke for about 45 minutes until she had to go. She told me that she was really busy during the holiday season, and that we'd be playing a lot of phone tag. She made a point for me to call her. I wanted to take her out, but she was working 12 hour shifts at the mall just about every day.

 

Then Saturday morning she text messaged me 'Good Morning' which I thought was really sweet. I text messaged her back three times between Staurday and Sunday just to say hi and that I hoped everything was going well. She called my Sunday night, thanked me for the messages, and said she'd talk to me soon.

 

I called her twice Monday and got her voice mail, but did leave a message.

 

I haven't head from her since. I know it is only Weds, and she did warn me about her being busy, but I really like her so far!

 

Anyway, I know this is silly and I am coming accross obsessed. It is just that I recently came out of a devastating ending to a 4 year relationship and I think that is my biggest problem. I think my self-esteem is down, and the fact that she was showing interest in me made me feel really good.

 

I am worried that I have a short window of opportunity, as silly as it sounds, and are afraid that out-of-site-out-of-mind will just make her forget me. I know I am being such a dork, but I would like nothing more than just to text message her 'Hi', but someone gave me some good advice:

 

"Text message her and call her only as much she is you, maybe a little more."

 

Which is reasonable, and very good advice.

 

I am the kind of person though, that when I am interested in something, I make the time for it. I know she is busy, she has shown interest in me, and so forth, but to be honest I don't understand how a woman's mind works. Can she be fine not talking to me for a week and pick up where we left off (which isn't much I know)? Or can I assume that her interest may be dropping off.

 

I know I should just be a man and not stress. If it is meant to be bla bla bla. I think this might have to do more with my confidence right now. And I am lonely and really like her. . .

 

The last time I tried calling her was monday. Would it be annoying if I did text message her 'Hi'? Should I try calling her again? I just thought the ball was in her court now. . . I just want to be a nice guy. Thats all.

 

Thanks for reading my stupid problem.

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I have this thing...if a guy calls twice in a row without hearing from me...that's fine. If he calls three times and hasn't given me a chance to call him back, I get really frustrated! It makes the guy come off as needy and in a big rush to go out, instead of taking the time to get a good start going. I wouldn't send anymore messages if I were you, until she responds...but that is up to you.

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Hmm. . . it is interesting how everyone has their rules. . . like she did about getting my number instead of hers. Of course, I am sure I am coming accross to you as needy, so I definitely don't want to blow this. I mean, if she was interested and I screwed it up, that is worse then her not having interest. . .

 

It is such a silly game. I guess I hope that absense makes the heart grow fonder?? Maybe she'll think, I haven't heard from him so maybe I should call? Why can't everyone be on my schedule??????

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Do NOT text her anymore at all. As you said, the ball is in her court now. If she had interest in you in the first place she won't forget about you. If you keep up all this texting you're going to come off as needy and clingy, a huge turn off.

 

I know how it is when you really dig a girl and just want to be a "nice guy". But constantly giving her attention is a big no no. Hmm it's hard to tell if her interest level has dropped, could be I'm afraid. But then again maybe she is really busy. She might not feel like doing much if she's working 12hr shifts, I know I wouldn't.

 

Watch out with the loneliness thing, I know how it is. When you're lonely you'll try too hard to get a girl, instead of just chillin' and leaving it up to her.

Good luck.

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Okay guys, thanks very much for your advice. I was really tempted to text message her at least today, but I won't. I don't want to appear clingy. It sucks because for most of the day I am fine, but then my mind starts thinking about doing something and then I get screwed. If it is going to impress her more by me not showing too much interest then I'll try it. . . I was just flattered when it appeared she was doing it. . .

 

Dammit. This is going to be hard because now I feel like I did something wrong, and that is the worst. That is wehn I want to try and contact her to gauge how she feels. Uggh.

 

Thanks for being here and keeping my head on straight.

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Anytime Boromir,

That's right. The ball is in her court now. If she's interested, she will contact you again.... also don't be too hard on yourself about "screwing it up" with her. You didn't really do anything "wrong".

 

Girls just like a bit of challenge, not some guy they know digs them. If you were to constantly send messages she'll find out you're no real challenge and flake out on you.

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I'd look at the whole situation this way: it takes two people to make a relationship, and you both have to put in equal effort for it to work. So if you feel like you've put in more effort than she has in the past couple of days/week, give her a chance to put some effort in too. I don't think you should worry about appearing clingy, because if you really are a clingy guy, it'll show in the future in the relationship. I think your just vunerable right now. Four years is a long relationship and takes alot to get over. So you are allowed to be vunerable, lonely, and have a low self esteem. But all that goes away in time. This girl being interested in you should up your self esteem. But don't let this girl be the only thing in your life right now, because that is downright clingy. I don't know if you've been sitting by the phone for the past couple of days waiting for her to call, but if you have, stop. She's out doing things, like working, so you should go out and do things too, whether with your friends or whatever. That way when you do get to talk to her, you'll have something interesting to talk about.

 

Good luck!

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