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Help!!! I need help figuring something out!


noleyb56
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My girlfriend of 6 months and I are what you would call a secretive relationship. None of her or my friends know about our relationship primarily because her friends hate me and would basically not approve of us being 2gether and probably terminate her friendship and they mean alot to her.

 

She means SO much to me. On every level I think I'm falling in love with her. Lately she seems withdrawn and not talking to me as much online or on the phone. ("She spends more time with her family" and "Shes a very busy girl") and this isnt very typical of our relationship because in the past we were excited to see each other every weekend etc. Lately my friend has taken a romantic interest in her and he chose to pursue her but i curbed this and revealed we were together but she doesnt know that I told him so thus, she thinks that he thinks that shes single. They seem to spend quite a bit of time together (ice skating, movies) and I feel as if I'm missing something here. I dont know whether to ditch the girl? Pursue her harder (phone more etc.)? If i confront him or her they stick to the "we dont like each other" story. Shes cheatd on me before but she was drunk although I found out and she didnt tell me. What should I do? Im falling more and more for her every day and losing her would kill me but if thats what you guys think..then its what must be done. Thanks for your time!

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Well first I'd like to say welcome to eNotalone.com

 

i see you have a Very sticky situation here...hmmm this didn't look good after the first 5 lines when you mentioned it was a secret relationship that was being kept from her good friends because they didn't approve of you..well that isn't you fault, and you can't and should not change for anyone, it obvious that this girl liked you and her friends didn't but that is just Dirty buttons for them..right..OK now I'll try my best to offer some help (continue)

 

i noticed you said: noleyb56

On every level I think I'm falling in love with her. Lately she seems withdrawn and not talking to me as much online or on the phone

 

Ok your in love, Nothing wrong with that first, it happens to everyone (your not alone)..you said the word "withdrawn" well is that because of your limited contact with her, because i noticed you said further into your post

 

I don't know whether to ditch the girl? Pursue her harder (phone more etc

 

how much contact has there been? every day, every week, 3 times a week? need more info. to really determine if she is *hinting you* towards something.

 

NOW MOVING ON: "the really really sticky part of your post"

 

Lately my friend has taken a romantic interest in her and he chose to pursue her but i curbed this and revealed we were together but she doesn't know that I told him so thus, she thinks that he thinks that shes single.

 

I'm not even going to touch down on this....i don't have anything to say really but Good luck trying to fill in the missing pieces that support what you already have, that being a very weak, unsupported structure, because not being honest with people leads to this sort of predicament..good luck with that.

 

 

Shes cheated on me before but she was drunk although I found out and she didn't tell me

 

RED FLAG

 

umm yea nothing more said but..."she cheated on you", and you accepted it, love does strange things dude. (sorry for being so brutally honest and straightforward) I'm trying to remain kosher about this..

 

really it's a hard call, you asked "should i leave her" ..can't say YES (or) NO that is your call, your feelings, and your thoughts...i don't know how you feel about her, you said you love her, well are you willing to put up with what has already happened, You think it could change, than trying is the only way too know, again i can't say YES, and i can't say NO, i can only provide advice.

 

P.s. i hate seeing those 0 in the home page...

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Do you think she likes your friend who is interested in her?

 

I'll be honest, I don't favor the thought of secretive relationships except in rare circumstances - friends who would ditch a friend based on who they date aren't very good friends. Even if they disapprove, they should be willing to respect her decision to date who she likes, not who they like. Things get very complicated when a couple has to "act" like two singles outside when they're alone, it's not a good situation to build trust at all.

 

Your friend isn't much of a friend if you've explained the situation to him, and he continues to give her this kind of attention. And frankly, I'd have to question why she's receptive to spending so much time with someone she claims she doesn't like, especially given the circumstances where to anyone else, it appears she's single and free to do as she wishes.

 

I don't think this is a fair situation for you at all. You're in the same position, in many ways, of someone who's "the other man/woman" because you don't have any publicly visible relationship, you're like the skeleton in the closet and not in a position to assert any ties with her. I'm concerned you're going to get burned here - and not even have any of your friends in a position to understand what's happening. Think VERY carefully before you get in any deeper than you already are, and make sure you can honestly say you have complete trust in her, and her feelings for you.

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