Ex girlfriend or girlfriend? Oh and a new girl?

[Annonomous]

My ex girlfriend and i were together a yr and a half, an occasionally rocky relationship, but on the whole we were both very happy. For as long as i remember she was very 'clingy', always wanting to spend time together and i made this time for her in the most part despite a fairly busy lifestyle. In the last 2 months of the relationship however things started heading off track, i began to get very snappy with her due to stressed caused by her and other things in my life, meanwhile she became very intolerable of certain things i do which she had never complained about before. We both started spending more time apart and with friends and then finally we decided a break was the best idea.

 

2 weeks into our break i became very jealous of certain things i began to see on her internet profile page and in the end i made the rash decision to call off the relationship entirely calling the 'break' a break-up, she agreed to this for the foreseeable future and said we should meet to discuss things in 2 or 3 weeks.

 

Now 4 weeks after the original 'break' started we agreed to meet and have spent a few hours on both of the last two days together. The problem is however, even tho she is tempted into being with me (she has said this and it in evident in her actions), she is unsure what she wants as she isnt sure we will ever work properly again. I have been very upset over this as her saying this has not only been a feature of the last two days but for the last 4 weeks. She says she feels 'pressured' by me and can't decide what she wants, however if i say to forget it (as i have on 2 occasions now in a mood at her indecisivness) she says she never said she doesn't want to not be with me, but yet wont say that she want to be with me either. I am tired of waiting, i love her a lot but i am beggining to get paranoid there could be another man, despite her insisting there is no one else and that she is nowhere near ready for someone else.

 

A further complication in this is that in my mood at her being indecisive and appearing to have me dangling by a thread, i have agreed to go on a date tomorrow with another girl. The problem with this is that i dont feel ready for anyone else yet, but at the same time i do not want to sit around all day, every day, waiting on my ex to decide if or if not she wants me. Telling me she still loves me is not enough, i need to know if we are going to get back together or not. She is also getting annoyed at me keep bugging her for an answer, but equally im very annoyed at being told she "cant decide at the moment" when i have already waited 4 weeks.

 

I want her back.... am i mad to think she still wants me? Is she lying that she till loves me? Is there another man? Should i really be going on a date when i still love my ex and dont feel ready for it? I am stuck with this situation, any advice would be greatfully appreciated.

 

P.S. i agreed on the date in order to try help me move on as i feel like im getting nowhere with the ex at the moment.

 

Thanks

[Reilly2856]

Go on this date with an open mind. There is no reason for you to feel pressured to start a relationship with this new girl. Its just a date. So have fun.

 

Secondly, I agree with you that it is better to go out than to simply sit around the house feeling sorry for yourself. It seems that your ex is either simply stringing you along for a bit, or is very confused about what she wants. I would suggest giving her some time....if possible, don't contact her for a few days. If she feels pressured, just leave her alone for a bit. If she's stringing you along, she will start to worry why you've not been around lately and come back running. If she is confused, it'll give her time to figure out what she wants without you being around to effect her decision....either way, let her contact you. In the meantime, there is no reason why you shouldn't continue with your own life. If you don't feel emotionally ready for a new relationship, don't start anything with this new girl. But for the time being, there is no reason why you can't enjoy yourself on a date.

[CrapAtNC]

i'd work on the real cause of your moodiness, which to me seems the root of your relationship problem. You make excuses for it throughout your post, when I think you should instead be accepting you have a problem and working on it.

 

That's not intended to be mean; I had to do the same thing myself, and after some counseling, some introspection, and a lot of reading, I feel better than ever before and am enjoying all my relationships now.

 

We have to stop blaming others for these events and instead accept responsibility if we ever want to take control of our lives and find the happiness we seek.

 

Good luck - sincerely.