2 guys 1 girl w/o the immaturity

[hades]

Man, So my past expierences of getting together with my ex again, turned out to be disasterious. I'm of the belief that last chances don't really mean last chance, it means lets tie up loose ends so we can all say we defently will never be together again. Yay Closure!

 

Well, since then, i've dated, gotten over stuff, and worked on myself. I stoped dating about 5-6 months ago. I was dating a girl shortly who i knew it wasn't right, and so i just waited for the nice time to break up with her (IE not her birthday) .

 

About 2-3 months ago, i met up with an old aquatance that i've known for 3-4 years. She knew my ex via a forum. I never had the chance to get to close to this girl, but we started talking. This girl, lets call her Helga (cause it's a funny name!) was in a relastionship. Neither of us where looking for it to be anything more then friendship. We started getting very close, and finding out we clicked very very well. Through this, we have been able to expierence alot of things, and personal growth is among some of them. We quickly tried to convince ourselfs that we wernt right for eachother, and this failed as well. Her current relastionship hadn't been working in forever, and was pretty much an empty shell. She has really bad general anxiety, to the point where she can get disability. Her BF essentially shuts down, and ignores her.

 

We decided we wanted to give it a go. She broke up with her BF and was planning on finishing the month there and we where planing to try it. She then found out that she might of been pregenent. She stoped having sex when she started having feelings for me, though she has a history of false positives, and puking anyways. She decided to give her BF 'One last chance' and if he shut down again, it was over. We have a very open and honest relastionship and we do have alot of understanding. So far neither of us have lied, and when we do hold something back, we come out with it a day or two later. I was the first to know about the potiential pregenency as well, that took her 2 days to tell me when she first suspected.

 

The reason she wanted to give her BF another chance was that she felt it was two early to jump into things. Further more, she didnt want to make the same mistake, running from one relastionship to another. She doesn't want to use the guy she is with, and still has feelings for him, atleast ever since he has been sweet to her not to lose her. So she figures she will try to make it work and work on herself as best as she can. She does admit that she is kinda hoping it fails with him, and she just wants to get him into a position where he is stable and doesnt need her. Mainly because this guy isn't the most independent person. She's very stubborn about things like this. She feels this is the right way to go about it. She doesn't want to go to me, until she feels she has something to bring to the table. She wants to be able to work, go out and do stuff, make her own choices based on what she feels not what everyone else thinks she should do. I admire the hell out of this and support this 100%. I think its the right choice. She still questions it constantly, if she made the right choice.

 

She says she has to shut down the part of her that wants to be with me and loves me. Despite this, when we talk, where alot of the time she will appear standoffish, it will show through. She then has to take a moment to close it off again. The problem is she believes she can or should only give her all to one person. Since she chose her ex, she wont say certin things. The way she shuts down these feelings is constantly telling herself that it wouldn't work between us. Yet she still puts forth a rediculasly huge effort in our relastionship. I'm not sure if its friends or not. She doesnt want to hurt me. She wants to find a way where she can do what she has to, and not hurt me or the other guy. As it stands i dont want to give up on this, it is really important to me. On the same tolken i dont think i can just be friends. I think it would involve holding back, and being dishonest with ourselfs and our feelings. It would jeperdise the open and honest part of the relastionship. I'm really not sure. She made one commitment. When she does get to where she wants to, and we both still feel this way, we will try and make it work.

 

I'm not really sure if i want comments or questions or whatever, but feel free. I've decided to take the rest of today, and figure out what i'm ok with, and just stick to that. I have a tendency to constnatly mind * * * * myself.

[skiroy]

id like to ask where you live to make sure i didnt write this and totally forget. im going through the exact same situation. right down to the pregnancy and and false positives. although the girl in my situation didnt meet my ex in a forum or at all.

[skiroy]

id like to ask where you live to make sure i didnt write this and totally forget. im going through the exact same situation. right down to the pregnancy and and false positives. although the girl in my situation didnt meet my ex in a forum or at all.

[hades]

chicago....you should totally pm me and we can compare notes! The key here is a workable situation!

[skiroy]

I'm bad with computers. Not only did I accidentally make the post before I meant to, but I did it twice. Anyway I meant to ask a few questions.

 

How long was the relationship and how long has it been over? I ask because for my situation even though the relationship was bad, it lasted for over 3 years. We started seeing each other right away even though she probably needed some time. It makes things pretty tough.

 

Are you sure it's totally done or is he still trying to hang on?

 

BTW I live near Austin so don't freak me out too much with your location.