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help me not send the email!

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heres the strory: my ex contacted me after a year of NC, i replied (something i regret doing) then so did she, i replied to that one2. but since then she hasn't replied. its been a month.


in both her emails she said 'just tell me if its too much chatting to me, i dont want to stir up the past'

in my 2nd reply i said 'honestly, about it being too much or not, same goes for you, i'm easy, if you want to chat thats cool, if not thats cool2, soo much has changed since the 'past', its all good.'


i think she just wanted me to be still cut up about it. in the past when she didnt reply (during the breakup) i would send another email. i know doing this now is needy and if im true to my words i would do what i said. but at the same time shes dragged up them old feelings. i need somebody to give me advice which will make me not send another email. i would appreciate any advice.

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Yeah this one is easy. Don't email again. You asked for advice and there it is. And I give it because you are entirely right-she wants to see if you are still hanging around for her. And too many of these people love the comfort of having that other person in the back pocket, the "plan B"...and that sucks. You are better than that. You need to find the one that you will always, always be the first choice, for now and forever...good luck.

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This makes very interesting reading for me...I sometimes wonder how I'd react if my ex got in touch again (well over a year for me) and this is a sign that even after a substantial amount of time, contact can still bring up old feelings, power-plays etc. Probably best to stay NC, but easy to say that with hindsight.


In terms of your current situ - it's bugging you because always in these situations, the power lies with the person who's been contacted. They can choose to reply or not. It's easy to say but you've got to let this one go. As it happens my ex emailed me about 4 months after we broke up, for my birthday, and I didn't reply. I've often wondered if I made the right decision on that but as time goes on I feel more and more that I did. I certainly wasn't ready for casual chatty exchanges and I probably would have used it to subtly continue getting back at her...and who knows where that would have ended up lol.


I suspect she'll be in touch again anyway. If I were you, I'd drop it then and not reply. DEFINITELY don't send another email now. Good luck

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