Feeling empty?

[_Asti_]

My boy has been battling depression for quite some time and we've started getting out footing and bearings in how to go about working through this.

 

But within me, I feel so broken.

 

Over time and with this all he's shown lack of motivation, a general I don't care about myself and my life, kind of attitude for quite some time, and it wasn't until I hit a complete breaking point that things started to change.

 

But I have such a sick feeling in my chest. Like I feel like this is how it will always be, that this is who he is, and I feel as if I've started bracing myself for the worst [ie me having to walk away when he doesn't change...] and its something I can't stop thinking about, and I am picking things apart that he does, or fails to do.

 

I am having a hard time keeping it together with this hole in my chest that I feel because I have a hard time now seeing the future beyond this little crap hole we're in.

 

I don't want to say its turned into an obsession, but I can't stop watching his moves under a microscope, and being with him physicall and being together and hanging out just sends an ache in my chest because I feel as if the reality of the situation is that its not going to change because its been occurring for so long.

 

I don't know what my exact question is..

 

But has anyone dealt with this kind of thing? Where something happens and it completely alters your perception of your future with your partner?

 

Does anyone in a long term relationship have a problem being together when everything you've been working towards together is destroyed, and since you're not looking at the future, its hard to focus on the relationship?

 

I don't know how to explain this feeling I have, but its been weighing on me for several days now. Like a part of me has died inside.

[Excalibur]

It's like this.....infatuation is 'your desire for me makes me feel so great about me, I can't get enough of you." That phase makes you giddy, excited, anxious in a good way - and very confident about yourself and life.

 

That's going to fade.....the attention of someone you're comfortable and familiar with isn't going to produce the high of a new person's attention an adoration.

 

once infatuation is out of the way - you can then evaluate obojectively and discerningly if you so choose, the type of person you're dealing with. You'll see the values, principles, standards, and self-requirement they have in thier lifestyle they lead, the associations they've cultivated, etc.

 

Yu can evaluate if they share your style, your views, your goals and values.....or in the high of infatuation was it you thinking that anything could be overcome, ignored, or endured.

 

Chemical depression is a mental and physical issue. It has to be addressed medically, so that the person can begin to see the world in a more positive light, and them be more proactive in life as a whole.

 

IF they were never this way - the giddiness of infatuation is goin to lead to an even more severe fall into a deeper depression once they realize the "me I see me as thru your attention" is no longer there.

 

You can't ever be more committed to someone else's health, well being, best interests or needs over your own...in a healthy relationship.

 

You're committed to being the best you that you can be, and you require yourself to be that by personal definition and effort. That allows you to be there as fully as possible, to the extent of your desire - for the priorities, values, feeings, goals, and needs of your partner, when it doesn't compromise you.

 

Dealing with somoene in a perpetual or terminal state of depression which has no medical cure by medical acknowledgement, that is th eequivalent of you having a relationship with someone in a wheelchair. The handicap itself is not that attractive or fun, but the reality that the handicap creates depletes you of energy, time, resources, and abilities as you do allthe chores, tasks, work, and effort of daily life so that you have the lifestyle you want for yourself, bringing them along without resentment if you're rational because they cannot do what it is you need to be done. So you do it yourself.

 

The "let us grow old together" premise......it works. But.....it's founded in a significant period of healthy, active, fulfilling, enjoyment and excitement filled years of your lives together, while independent of need of each other in 98% capacity - so that you can desire and enjoy one another completely.

 

If 15 years in to a great relationship your partner is suddenly incapacitated in any way - the standards, values, priorities and ethics of this person are well known to you. Going without skiing because they're now handicapped is no that big a deal. You did it for 15 years together.......and this person for who they are at the existential core is worth more than a ski trip with a partner....and they'd encourage you to go with your friends, of course.

 

What's very common now is that people involve with people in wht they believe is a state of transitional flux...they see someone who's career is off track, education is not complete, indebtedness is high, credit rating is low, long term associations are few if existent at all...and there is teh assumption based on the initial rush of infatuation...that all this lacking, loss, transition, and unknown is a temporary state of affairs, and now that you're in the picture, with your needs, eneergy, ability, and assets - surely this will get back on track.

 

No...it won't. It was "on track" based on the person's desired destination when you met. Now you're ttempting to organize the disorganized person...and it wil not work.

No union can rise above it's lowest standard.

 

So....review the entire relationship - if for years his behavior, values, standaards, goals, perception and approach to life has been the same...and now it is altered......get medical attention and intervention. The "old him" is not lost - it's just in hiding at the moment and chemical depression once lifted medically will bring that more proactive and positive person into the foreground again.

 

If you've been dating someone with little security, stability, focus, and vision and self-requirement...you're now just feeling the effects within you - that they perpetually feel in themselves..while running from one option to anotehr trying to find distraction or security.