an apology years later from a cheater ... this might help some of you

[lou31]

not sure if this is the right section to post this in but i wanted to post it in case it gives any of you who have been cheated on a little comfort. for those of you who think they just move on all cosy and dont give you a second thought ...

 

i was engaged to my ex ex and he left me after five months of being engaged (together 4-5 years) after having a short non physical internet long distance 'affair' (which obviously became nothing more and fizzled out). we lived together and he just told me one day and then moved out the next. this was two and a half years ago. we work together and it was incredibly hard to do that but i had to remain civil and i am COMPLETELY over him now. he has someone new and i am genuinely happy for him.

 

i see him every day but there are no feelings there. we never did talk much about the split. it happened and i got on with it. i never really got much of an 'apology'.

 

some of you may have seen my recent posts and will know i recently split with the current ex and am curently not over it. still not in a great way.

 

ANYWAY. i have been pretty down in work and out of the blue i got an email from my ex ex saying

 

'i have heard what has happened (referring to my split).and i want you to know i am sorry about it and i want you to be happy. it makes me sad you are not and things have not worked out for you. i feel i screwed up your life and your feelings and have made it hard for you to be happy and trust someone else. it troubles me a lot to know that you might think i just could not care less about you. i do and i always have, i often wonder if i dropped down dead tomorrow if you would feel i never gave a toss about you. please know that i do. and i am sorry for what i did to you. you were a better friend to me than i ever deserved'.

 

TWO AND A HALF YEARS LATER!!! SEE HIM EVERY DAY NO LESS AND IT TOOK THAT LONG!!!!

 

Ok, some might say he is trying to ease his conscience too little too late. and maybe if we didnt have daily contact id never have gotten it. but thats fair enough. i can deal with that. because im ove him a long time. i didnt respond and we have never discussed it. but i got an apology of sorts in the end and it made me realise he was hurt too despite what he did and that he did have feelings. and i can tell you that it was very unexpected. and it made me a bit tearful yes, but mostly because the part about making it hard for me to trust. it hit a nerve.

 

i have no ill will towards him. he is not an openly emotional person. i think he did it by email because it was somehting he wanted to say and it was the only way he could.

 

so people out there thinking they never think about you or feel bad. they do. they maybe just bury it and get on with things as best they can.

 

hope this helps (even a tiny bit) for those of you hurting right now ...

[Star14]

If the apology made you feel a little better, then I am glad.

 

As for thinking that someone who cheated feels bad too- I don't know about that. Well, certainly not in my case. He cheated the first time (that I know of), I forgave him. Turns out he was doing it all along. Do I think he feels bad or ever will? No. The only thing I do not understand is how people like this (I mean my ex) live with themselves. I simply do not get it.

[lou31]

im not excusing his cheating. he was weak, pathetic and screwed up in the end. i am glad he gave me a way out. i dodged a bullet there but it did take quite a while to realise that ... and you will too. but im past the anger, way past it. im totally indifferent. and you know what? i cant even put my finge on when that happened.

 

what i will say is that whilst it didnt make me feel BETTER, it did make me think he wasnt quite the robot i thought.

 

i think the majority of people who cheat do or will at some point feel bad. yes some wont. but i think it varies in degrees. some might give it a fleeting thought and feel a tiny twinge of guilt - thats crap but some people just sail though life screwing up other peoples lives. some might be consumed with guilt at the ime, or later down the line. we are all different and we all have different values and morals.

 

you sound like you are still angry and upset. i dont know your story but i recognise myself in it with the little you have said. and i reckon a lot on these boards will too.

 

i used to want to strangle people who said give it time and you will heal. sometimes its not a lot of help when its raw. what your ex does and how he lives his life will soon become something you dont care anymore about. believe that.

 

my current ex hasnt cheated and i finished with him (no-one else involved) so you would think id be having an easier time dealing with it. NO. he has someone else and i am climbing the walls ...

 

emotions are a funny thing. you only see what you see and how a person acts. you dont see whats inside. and sometimes you never get any answers when someone wrongs you.

 

KARMA. Sometimes believing in it is the only thing that jkeeps me going

 

keep your chin up.