A Growing Addiction

[xMorningStarx]

Me and my girlfriend of over a year are going through a slightly rough patch where sex is concerned. Due to her obsessive compulsiveness of being clean, she has lost her sex drive completely, and we rarely have sex. She is going through therapy to help sort this and other problems, and I have vowed to stand by her totally, because we are in love and we will be able to come through this.

 

Now, my sexual appetite has become a personal problem to me lately. I have never and will never cheat to satisfy myself. I couldn't dream of hurting her like that. She has told me that it's okay if I watch more porn that usual, and even did the funny and cute thing of looking for a good site for me. We laughed and I did indeed join a porn site. Normal thing for a guy really, but it gets worse.

 

I find it not enough, the longer I go without sex. I find myself looking at girls on webcam websites and have even spent money on viewing private shows. Also, I've called sex hotlines and listened in to conversations. I'd never ever get into a conversation or anything like that, but I'm worried that I'm even doing this.

 

I used to watch porn on a rare basis, but this type of thing is happening daily and I am starting to hate myself because of it. In a way, I feel as if I'm being unfaithful to my girlfriend. How can I stop this?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Well, I'd say that you are only being unfaithful if your girlfriend does not feel comfortable with it.

 

You do have needs but you need to hold back some.

 

Has the therapy helped your girlfriend at all?

[xMorningStarx]

She's only started going and it's helped to lift a bit of stress, but still has no sex drive. The thing is, my girlfriend would be okay with what I'm doing, but I know she'll lose respect for me and I don't want that.

 

I need to find ways to hold back my needs and urges, so when the time comes for me and my girlfriend to make love again, I can do so with a clear conscious, knowing that I waited for her.

[Cognitive_Canine]

well, the best way to really kill a sex drive is to stop masturbating all together. The first week will be tough but your libido will get over it.

[vermilion]

I think you're a really strong person to stand by her like that- most of us couldn't do that I know I couldn't. Man watch all the porn you want I don't see what the big deal is. If you disgust yourself I guess it would be a good idea to curb it a bit. Or at least cut out the really pervy gross stuff like listening in on other's creepy convos.

[drewciouS281]

dude stop it before your girlfriend becomes your computer!! you and your girl really need to fix the sex situation. a healthy relationship does include a healthy sex life. If thats not there than you guys may want to think of taking time off. Guys joining sex sites i dont see normal. I dont and most if not all of my guy friends dont. Get away from this habit because if things dont work out with this girl its going to ruin things sexual with another one. All the girls i have dated wouldnt dare let me look at porn sites because thats what they are for.

[Aschleigh]

Xmorningstar you have sexual needs that should be addressed in your relationship. How much long are you willing to wait for her sex drive to come back?

 

I don't think the porn is an issue at all. It is whether you will be able to have a satisfying sex life with this women ever. It is fair for your needs to be heard and addressed in your relationship. Or you will go else where for satisfaction.

[Cognitive_Canine]

dude stop it before your girlfriend becomes your computer!! you and your girl really need to fix the sex situation. a healthy relationship does include a healthy sex life. If thats not there than you guys may want to think of taking time off. Guys joining sex sites i dont see normal. I dont and most if not all of my guy friends dont. Get away from this habit because if things dont work out with this girl its going to ruin things sexual with another one. All the girls i have dated wouldnt dare let me look at porn sites because thats what they are for.

 

Actually, I don't care at all if my boyfriend looked at porn. One can't be expected to satisfy his every sexual need. We are LDR and I can't be there for him. He has to have some way of relieving himself.

 

As long as the SO is okay with it. It's isn't a big deal.

[xMorningStarx]

Thankyou all for your quick replies, it's hugely appreciated.

 

We have talked as recently as a few days ago about my needs. She said in her next therapy session she'll talk more about her sex drive. She has even called herself a rubbish girlfriend for it which I have told her is not true.

 

I will wait for her to get her sex drive back, and I'll do anything I can to help. I think debaser_wolf is right that I need to lower my sex drive a little. It's going to be hard (literally too but I can do it.

 

My girlfriend is a wonderful person and I love her dearly. We had a great healthy sex life and we will get it back again. It's just the time in between I'm worried about, because it has made me kind of snappy as of late. Fingers crossed we'll come through it okay.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yeah, my bf gets real pissy when he's horny too.

 

The main thing is finding a way that you can both be happy. Even if you kept up with the pron, you don't seem to be happy after the fact. My bf used to be the same way with masturbation in general.

 

You could talk to your doctor about ways to lower your sex drive temporarily as well. They have pills that could take the raging edge off, at least until your gf feels better.

[jraf]

The main thing is finding a way that you can both be happy. Even if you kept up with the pron, you don't seem to be happy after the fact. My bf used to be the same way with masturbation in general.

 

You could talk to your doctor about ways to lower your sex drive temporarily as well. They have pills that could take the raging edge off, at least until your gf feels better.

 

debaser's comment about the pills is definitely worth investigating.

 

I'm sure your gf's onset of ocd and the, probably abrupt, change in your sexual relationship has been a bit of a shock as well. It's admirable that you are taking the high road here.

 

Something you might want to check out is see what kind of ocd support groups you might be able to find in your area. It's not uncommon to find support groups for partners of people with various disorders. It helps them understand what their partner is going through and it also helps them with coping mechanisms. You might want to see what you can find. It will also occupy some time for you which will be helpful it seems.

 

Good luck to the both of you.