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Wow...she ruined it

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Or maybe I did. This is more of a rant than anything, so my apologies.


My ex and I haven't been talking for quite some time up until recently when she finally apologized for how she had been treating me. The fact that this guy, "elvis"--her crush, was better than me had been bugging me for the longest. It really took a toll on me. I stopped going to the gym for lack of motivation, school was hard to study for, felt absolutely horrible about myself, kept questioning myself (am I too ugly? not exciting enough? too this? not enough of that?). I was just completely envious of her perfect crush. It started to fade more, but it was still present. Maybe a few weeks before she started talking to me again, I was over it. I felt ok about myself and was happy with the relationship that I was in and just happy/content with life in general.


Then we started talking, more and more. At first I was happy about it, completely hyped. I got my apology and my friend back, it was great. But then she started doing those cute mannerisms of hers i.e. when I tell her to go to bed she pulls the "nuh uh/uh uh" whiney type voice, and my friends started suggesting other motives. And before I know it I'm missing her, wondering about us...if she really did want me back, would I take her? Could it work? If that's true then why doesn't she make an effort to talk more often? Why does she call just to say goodnight? Because she feels sorry for me?


She's getting under my skin and into my head and I'm just confused and it's not a great feeling. I don't feel so strong now. I think my best bet is to stop answering the calls...and just stay away for awhile.

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