circi Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 It's been 4 months since the ex said he wasn't in love with me anymore and I'm still on an emotional rollercoaster and can't let go. Less than a month after we split he started seeing someone else, whom he is still with. This did not stop him from calling me all the time. About a month ago, I told him as long as he has a new woman I don't want him to call me. Within a few days he sent me a text that he was trying to abide by my wishes but it was really hard. A few weeks ago, he started calling again despite my request. I seldom answered, but a few times I was weak and spoke to him. Kept the conversation light, and ended it quickly. This week has been hell. He's called me every single morning and I've not answered, but we have been exchanging alot of texts. Last night I even sent one telling him I still love him. I am ashamed to say I asked him to tell me he was in love with her so that I could finally move on. He refused to do so. He just keeps saying he misses me. I've spent the last 2 nights bawling my eyes out and wondering why he won't just get out of my life so I can finally heal. He just called again. Again I did not answer. I don't want him out of my life, this is absolutely killing me. I keep thinking if he wants to talk to me this badly, doesn't that mean he does still love me? Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Actions speak louder than words...if he truly loved you, he would be WITH you in a relationship! He certainly wouldn't be with another woman. He wants to keep you on standby and you are letting him. You have the power to stop him from contacting you! I would go NC. Tell him not to contact you anymore. If he doesn't respect your boundaries (he doesn't respect YOU)...block him on email, don't answer his calls, change your number if you need to. Take back you self-respect!! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Actions speak louder than words...if he truly loved you, he would be WITH you in a relationship! He certainly wouldn't be with another woman. He wants to keep you on standby and you are letting him. You have the power to stop him from contacting you! I would go NC. Tell him not to contact you anymore. If he doesn't respect your boundaries (he doesn't respect YOU)...block him on email, don't answer his calls, change your number if you need to. Take back you self-respect!! I absolutely agree. He does not love anyone in a meaningful way and is clearly not being a stand up guy. In essense he is cheating on his new girlfriend...I am sure she would be less than thrilled if she knew that he was desperately trying to keep in touch with you every day. This man is needy and has no dignity and self-respect. He is clinging to you because he wants your attention...and yet he is probably clingy with the new one as well. He wants two women to feed his ego and yet he is not offering himself to either. She has him in body but does not have him in mind and spirit. You have him in mind and spirit but not in body. He has only offered pieces of himself to two women but has refrained from giving one woman the whole cake...each one is getting just crumbs. Don't be part of his game...walk away from him for good. If he truly cares about you he will dump this other woman and come back to you...but he can only come to that decision when he realizes you are completely gone from his life. If he doesn't come back that means his love was never strong enough. Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 CAD - I think you have an excellent point. One option not available to my ex is for her to use me in the same way she used slimeball. If she is having problems with him, there is no way I'm letting her cry to me about them and "worm my way back in" with her. She needs to resolve her stuff with him, with her having zero expectations of getting back with me, before I would even consider anything. And I'm fully aware that this could result in her running to someone else (although that's doubtful, she hates 99% (maybe more) of men) and that's too bad. She has to understand this behavior is not acceptable, at least not to me. I think the OP might find some benefit in communicating the same to her ex. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I'd tell him, "If you contact me again, unless its to be in a relationship, expect a restraining order." Weird, but appropriate/necessary. Link to comment
circi Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 CAD's post makes ALOT of sense to me. More sense than anything anyone else has said to me through this whole ordeal. I am good friends with one of the ex's best friends. He's been very cautious not to talk to either of us about the other very much but he's told me he thinks my ex still loves me. He and I have actually gotten together several times but he has held back saying he thinks it would hurt my ex. There is nothing really going on between us, we are both just lonely. The other night I was texting with both of them, at first not realizing they were out together. His friend then sent me a text that said - u 2 need meds. I so badly wanted to question him, but I knew he wouldn't give me details if I did. I know you are all right and I need to remove myself from his life completely, but there are valid reasons why I haven't been able to - such as his furniture still being here and his still owing me quite a bit of money for a piano that he's buying from me that's in his storage unit. Some of his mail still comes here as well. I've told him I'm now holding his furniture hostage until I get the money, and he's totally okay with that. I'm just at a loss. I've never been so in love with someone in my life and his being so screwed up just makes me want to fix his problems. I can't stand knowing he's unhappy. Link to comment
Addicus Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I would be very mad if I was his new GF....my ex's ex was still in the picture....my ex wasn't the one inititating but she did little to stop the ex from contacting her....it sends a clear message..that the other person isn't that important, if they still want the ex in the picture. I think your ex is being really selfish and obviously has a hard time with endings. He mad a decision to end it with you..he either sticks with it or needs to spend time alone to figure out what he wants. Good for you for not responding etc. that takes courage and willpower. I would try and go NC...force him to make a decision..right now he has the best of both worlds! Link to comment
circi Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 What he's doing is totally not fair to his new woman, me, or himself. I know one of her best friends and could easily go show my missed call logs and the texts to her so the new one knows what's up and doesn't get hurt, but that would just make me look bad. My understanding is that she's in love with him. I truly believe he is still very confused and screwed up. Today the texts from him are getting more emotional than they have at any time since we've been apart. Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 I don't know him but it sounds like typical commitmentphobic behavior to me. They usually jump right into another relationship. AND they can't commit to ending the relationship just as they can't commit to keeping the relationship! It's up to you to do that! xx Link to comment
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