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Scared and Unsure


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New to the forums, so hi everyone.


To give a quick background, I, like everyone else, have had a lot of bad relationships. Most were short, given that I'm only 21, but I had one long-term serious relationship which ended with us both being heart-broken. I have major trust issues, which is a problem I'm trying to work on, but not sure how to.


I'm currently in a relationship, we've been officially bf/gf for around 2 1/2 months. We met online, and he actually moved from Michigan to Arizona, mostly because of me, but he was also in a dead end job there and he was thinking about moving anyways.


Because of us meeting online, and the fact that his "ex" (whom he never actually met, another girl he met online, kind of a psycho from everything I've seen) is on the same site, and her friends are as well, I was told a few things about him like he plays games with girls, he's a bad person etc. I haven't seen any of those things in him, so I just try to dismiss what they told me, since they are obviously somewhat biased against him.


However, because of my trust issues, I'm having a hard time believing him, and instead I usually think the worst about everything. Nothing major has happened to feed my mistrust. He's the most amazing guy in almost every way, and he's so much sweeter and caring than most guys I've ever dated.


We've known each other for over 6 months, due to the meeting online and all, and since I met him, I've come to care for him a great deal. It's to the point now where I see potential for something long-term and possible lifelong to come out of it. He's already expressed that he wants to be with me for a long time, that he's crazy about me, etc.


How can I get over my trust issues and learn to trust him?

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You don't have 'trust issues" - you lack life skills.


This guy moved to Arizona becuase he was in a dead end job with no friends, security or options where he was.


If he's calling some girl he never met except on line his "ex" girlfriend, then you know he oesn't have people skills, which is why he prefers on-line...so that he can portray himself as someone he's not, and so he can fantasize that he's with someone he isn't with at all.


Until you've had about a year of regular face to face contact, so thatyou get past the infatuation state where everybody is trying to be impressive and charming, and you're not objective about character...stop thinking about long term potentiall.


Enjoy dating him when you two are together, and don't spend time in your head on him when you're not.


Infatuation will fade, if your desire for security and identity via a relationship is eliinated as a dysfunctional approach to life.


And then you can evaaluate his character, and see if you can trust him or not, or if he's the sort of personality and intelligence that really turns you on.


Right now - you're so wanting "a relationship" - you're not being too picky or too assessing of who you're getting into one with.


Trust is something that you offer someone when you trust them to remain in the character and integrity they've displayed in all situations and circumstances that you've seen them in up to now.


You're not trust them to make you happy, do you right, or make you complete. Yuo're trusting them to remain true to the character they've displayed at all times, when you're around or not.


Takes a long time to know someone well enough to trust them to "be themselves...and it demands of you that you evaluate objectively who they are based on what they do - not how you feel about what they do, based on your needs or issues.

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