The building block of starting over...

[GizMo567]

I can sympathize with a lot of people on these message boards as i went through a grueling and torturous break up. A lot of sleepless nights, dreams, and constant crying. My heart was completely lost and broken, a bunch of shattered dreams and the hopelessness of watching my ex start a completely brand new relationship out of the blue with a guy 2 days after we broke up. It was difficult and it was painful but as they say, life does go on.

 

After 1 month of complete loathing, crying, yelling, and everything else, I had to find the initiative to start my life over again. I started to meet new people, go the random places with friends, and just surround myself with people that cared and loved me. I knew that i had to start moving forward, that turning to the past wouldn't help me, and that it was finally time to start taking control of my life.

 

What i found this past month has been the most amazing of discoveries. If you can find the time to write everything about your relationship, it will help. Do not leave anything out! Then read it with a sense of 3rd person. Look at the whole relationship and then start self analyzing. Where it went wrong, the good, the bad, the ugly. When you are finally done reading everything, sit back and start thinking about what you could do for the future. What you can take out of this past relationship, how much you can apply it to your next relationship, and start building it from there.

 

I think if you can look forward and not back, will you truly be able to move on. When you are stranded in the past, it will only affect you in the long run. It is not easy but if you can find the strength to move forward, the sun will come back and you will see a whole new you. Eventually you will find the strength to move on, it does take time, but i think the more you look at the past, the more you cannot move on. Start looking forward and eventually things will let up.

 

Good luck everyone in your quest to finding happiness.

 

GizMo

[Clabs]

Hey Giz

 

Great post fella - really inspiring! It can seem like your whole world has crashed and burned, but you hit the nail on the head - when you decide it is finally time to take some control back into your life - that is so important.

 

True too - look forward and not back - you'll only hurt yourself and twist your neck if you do!

 

I am so glad that you are feeling so much more positive about your situation - life ain't so bad, is it?!

 

Take care mate and keep looking after yourself.

 

Mark

[Addicus]

Giz..thanks for the post....I think your words are so true. We all contribute to a relationship but many times we want to blame the other person or even worse blame oursleves and put them on a pedalstool. It is healty to look at the whole picture. Not to blame or create hate but figure out who owned what and that the ex was far from this perfect being. I was able to look at a lot of things whe I went straight to NC and I took ownership of my stuff but also saw that there were a lot of red flags that I chose to ignore! They may of been deal breakers..maybe not? But therye were there and I need to figure out why I didn't address them with my ex at the time! We all get a gift to start over and start something new and if we take a lesson from the things that didn't work then it can only get better!

[anggrace]

Thanks for sharing. I did the whole writting thing a while back, but I think now that time has past and perhaps my mind is not so clouded with resentment, I should do it again. In letting go and moving on, things have become much clearer to me. For reasons you mentioned, learning what to avoid and making some improvements myself, Im gonna give the writting another shot.

[Lugh]

i always found the writing helpful, esp if you just let go and write what you feel.

 

im in a good place at the moment and feel good about myself and the situation im in, i feel that i have moved on from my ex and can look back at both good and bad times.

 

Its important to remember that you will get there in the end as long as you keep going, and even when you slip back on occasion that thats ok too.

 

we have to learn to overcome obstacles before they overcome us.

[GizMo567]

Thank you for your kind words guys. If it wasn't for ENA, i wouldn't have been able to get as far as i did.

 

I think we all get caught up in looking into the past. Wanting what we had, especially when we loved that person with everything, it is difficult to let go. When writing about my relationship, i left absolutely nothing out from the smallest of things to the big fights. It took almost 45 pages to write everything i felt, what i meant to say, and all the other things that go with that. I came back the next day to read it and with a sense of open mindedness, i just watched the relationship unfold and all the red flags came popping up. Sometimes it can be the smallest thing (She was pushing me away and started to seclude her feelings away from me) that can give it all away.

 

After reading, my heart let up a lot. It almost felt like i was taking back control and i got to see the relationship in a different light. I took her off the pedestal she was put on, cried, then decided that would be the last time i look back to the past. I saw her after a month of NC as i had some stuff i had to grab and let me tell you, i didn't feel one inch of hurt. No pain, no suffering. I was smiling the biggest smiles and it was great to see that i had no feelings left for her. I will always cherish the good memories of her but knowing that i was able to come back from where i was at, i just hope i can help people come the same realization and in the end, mend there broken heart.

[Litgirl01]

I don't think I am going to idealize my ex...

[EyesOnThePrize]

I don't think I idealize my ex. I think she has plenty of flaws, starting with the zero self-confidence (although I admire the courage it took for her to actually ask for the divorce and make this big move). Its that core woman I love. If I could get that core woman 5 days a week and the messed up one 2 days a week, it would be great. Towards the end, though, it was 2-5 or 1-6 or 0-7. That was tough.