kevinm Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Okay, well, I did it, I broke NC. I'm just no good at it. For me, there is the maturity factor, about working things through with your partner. Then there was this unresolved feeling for me of clarification, wanting her to understand where I am coming from. So late last night I sent over an email trying my best to explain how I was feeling. At this point however I feel better. I feel like all of my emotions are out there. I didn't beg for us to be back together or anything like that... my feelings haven't changed concerning our status. I just wanted her to know how I felt. I suppose the question now is whether she cares or not. -Kevin Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 If you sent it to tell her what you think/feel - you're done and you can go on about your business. that is closure - you give it to yourself by saying and diong all that you have to say - not hinging on their response or reaction. If her action/reaction/response or non-response is what determines if this is "closure" - you are going to repeat this process while staying in a state of unresolved emotional upset. Feelings...you create them with your thoughts, needs and desires - in each situation. So you own your feelings. Other peopel can't fix them,doesn't mean you shouldn't convey them, but convey your thoughts that caused them as well as the needs. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 you just wanted to get your emotions out there? bro, you wanted to generate a response. that's why you sent this. i don't think excalibur is right that you have closure with this. you are hoping for a response. just like the last line you typed: I suppose the question now is whether she cares or not. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 My statement was that it is not closure if a "response" is what he is seeking - and non-response is a response. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 but he is looking for something. even if she says it's over. nc is accepting closure. not sending an email out of nowhere. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Iknow he's looking for something - he wants a response....and he would need to accept that "no response" is a response - in order to get his closure on his side. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Iknow he's looking for something - he wants a response....and he would need to accept that "no response" is a response - in order to get his closure on his side. okay, i like how you flipped it. gotcha now. nc would have been my closure though. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 For me, there is the maturity factor, about working things through with your partner. This is the part I'm kinda stuck on.... If you're broken up, they're not your partner and there's nothing to "work out" between you. You might have things to work out on your own, but that's better done with close friends or a professional counselor....not the person who you just broke up with (or who just broke up with you.) Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Closure is a mindset you having going into life situations in general, and relationships in particular. Closure is "this doesn't work for me, it won't let me become who I want to be, I don't want to be with people that don't appreciate the character and intelligence of me." closure is your commmitment to you. That makes it possible when people are disrespecting you with actions - to end it without a backward glance. They're not good enough for you - it's your decision, and you made it before getting all emotionally attached to them specifically. You're committed to you - you enjoy them, if you don't enjoy them - you're done. Link to comment
kevinm Posted April 8, 2008 Author Share Posted April 8, 2008 Hummm... Thanks for all the responses guys. I suppose I do care about what she thinks, in the respect that I still care for her. My feelings on the matter have not changed. I still feel we need time apart if our relationship is to work out. It's letting go and seeing what comes back in return. I don't dislike this woman. Just the opposite, I'm still in love with her. My intent in sending the email this morning was purely for clarification. I did it for me. While I hope she responds because I am curious as to her thoughts... I don't expect her to respond. I can only hope she cares enough to respond. I'm the one, afterall, who decided this separation would be best. I think we both have a lot of things going on in our personal lives right now. And the LDR thing only makes the situation that much tougher. I don't harbor any negative feelings towards her at all. I'm not out to call her names, or say she is inmature. We both are just in a crappy and confusing situation. I love this woman. Shes2smart, I don't feel the line in relationships is so black and white. Love is not a lightswitch, it's a dimmer switch. I feel as long as I am feeling what I'm feeling I am in a relationship. I understand a relationship is a 2 way street, and I'm doing all of these things either for me, or for us. Only she can decide where she stands with me. Any relationship requires attention, even people married for 20 years. I'm only doing what I feel is right at the moment. I think Excaliber hit the nail on the head with his first response. I did this for my closure. She can decide what to do with it. Of course I want her to respond, but I also know I've made my bed. I will sleep in it either way. -Kevin Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Excalibur is a "she"....often confused for a male anywhere but in person. Thinking rationally isn't exactly a female forte it appears! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 i still don't think you want closure. i think you want a reaction from her. i think subconsciously you are hoping she writes back. this gives you an opening to communicate again. Link to comment
kevinm Posted April 9, 2008 Author Share Posted April 9, 2008 LOL, sorry Excaliber... won't make that mistake again. However, you can indicate your gender too Ghost... It's not that I want closure. I'm trying to reconcile with her. I love her. I want things to work out between us. I'm not ready to throw in the towel so to speak. When this woman and I started talking it was absolute bliss. She is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my life, inside and out. In some ways we are so much alike that it's crazy. We are into the same things, both attracted to each other physically and emotionally, both financially stable and successful, etc, etc. So closure? In the sense that I want her to understand me yes. In the sense that our relationship is over, no. Incidentally, she wrote back to me today. Not touching base on the subject of "us", but just to let me know she's received my letters and that she's not ignoring me. Maybe this is the beginning of the healing process for reconciliation, and maybe she is going to tell me to go away. As I said before, I've made my bed, I'll sleep in it either way. Only time will tell. -Kevin Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 i have no more comments then. excalibur, i told you. this is what he wants. Link to comment
jakeloria Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 why don't you ghost69 and excalibur go out on a date? so many sparks in here that it's even hard for me to read through the posts....... hahahahaha Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 why don't you ghost69 and excalibur go out on a date? so many sparks in here that it's even hard for me to read through the posts....... hahahahaha uhhhm, no. i meet plenty of women in person. Link to comment
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