Attraction in the workplace - how to kill it

[Lucy__lou]

Hello Everyone...

 

I need to find a way of either not being attracted to so many people, or of coping with the fact that I am.

 

I'm shy, and for the most part, if I find a co-worker attractive, it's makes nothing but trouble for me. I'll generally try to keep conversation strictly business, (which makes me seem rude, or nervous, or inept), but even still I'm hesitant to talk to them at all if the attraction is too strong, which can be very detrimental to my work. I work in a large place where it's essential to my everyday getting things done that I have a large base of people I can ask for help and assistance on various tasks (we don't work in isolation on anything here). Each person I'm attracted to is one less person I am comfortable going to unless I absolutely have to. And if I'm nervous, chances are they'll pick up on it and not feel comfortable talking to me either. But the number of people I am attracted to is building up the more people I meet. Maybe it's because I don't have much of a social life outside work, so my emotional needs start welling up in the presense of nice people I meet on the job. But all I care about is doing my best in my job. But it's really hard. When I'm talking to someone who I find attractive in some way, I'll usually go quite serious. I won't be able to smile or make small talk. It basically sabotages my attempts to make useful contacts.

 

How should I deal with this?

[wayoverit]

It's hard to control your feelings and attraction for others. I think, instead of seeing it as a negative annoyance, you should learn to accept it as a delightful part of your life. That feeling of attractions should yield a feeling of overall wellness and optimism. So welcome it and be yourself, they should feel honored that you have the hots for them.

 

Look at it like this: How many people in this world CANNOT find someone they are a least bit attracted to? It sure makes the day when you wake up every day and see a few people you are attracted to. You're lucky.

[lv22irl]

What do you have to be nervous about?

 

If I had a girl i worked with giving me flirty smiles It would give me an ego boost, and probably make me want to talk to you / help you. Even if i didn't want a relationship or wasn't attracted to them.

[Lucy__lou]

Thanks guys, nice words, both of you. But seriously, I am trying to be professional. Being all shy and girly isn't all that good for professionalism and credibility. I'm ashamed that I can't just be normal and get on with business. I feel like it looks like I'm not taking my job seriously, and like I'm not focussing. I'm trying, it's just that attraction can undermine all efforts sometimes. It's a hard fight.

[glegend]

Well if your attracted to someone in your workplace and you want to kill it then simply put your feeling aside and just be friends.

[RedonontheWall]

hey lucylou, when I get to crushing on a co-worker so bad I can't even muster up the courage to dial their extension for a business matter, I tell myself "JUST DO YOUR JOB." Sounds overly simple, I know, but somehow it usually works. Try to forget that you are attracted to them by worrying about all the work-related stuff you have to do that day. Hopefully small talk, etc. will follow. Good luck!

[taxi10]

Redononthewall - your post reminded me of a visit I made to a nearby clinic - the nurse working there asked me many questions that were unrelated to my problem ( I had a muscle pain in the leg). She went on to the extent of where I live and what do I do for a living? to be honest, I enjoyed the extra out of the topic talk but I sensed that was irrelevant to my problem - very weird.