I am a bitter gf! Help Please!

[Juniebug]

Hello,

 

I have been going out with my wonderful bf for 2.5 years. We are in a semi-long distanced relationship where we get to see each other only every other weekend or so. Everything is great in the relationship except our on going conflict. I usually get disappointed/upset/ bitter when he does not come to see me over the weekend. We never had an actual fight like most couples do because we are so laid back (especially him) and we like to talk things out rather than yell and get nothing productive out of it. However, I can't seem to control myself from feeling bitter towards him when he doesnt come see me when expected, I talk to him differently and give him a hard time when I shouldn't b/c he has many activities and work going on and sometimes he's just too tired.

 

Sometimes I question myself if I am really inlove with him or its just love when I am not sure if I am really in love then why am I sometimes unhappy? Since he is my first everything and I mean everything, even relationship, how am I suppose to know if I am in love or just naieve about it since never experienced it before?

 

I would really like to stop feeling bitter and feel disappointed but I dont know how, I have tried, the feelings keep on reoccurring. I misses him a great deal when he's not with me. I don't know what to do... my bf had said that he doesn't know how long we are going to last if this issue still occurs. Both of us would love for this to work out and hopefully live together one day but this is not healthy for our relationship. Please help me if you have any advice, I greatly appreciate it.

 

Thanks,

A bitter gf.

[Cid]

Ok I think I know why you feel bitter. It is becouse you miss him and when you think he is coming you feel that he has hurt you. Am I right? Well I think that you might be in love with him it is hard for us to tell though becouse we have not seen you to gether. Just feel with your hart though becouse if you love him you will just know that you do. Try to not get so upset when he cant show up. This is about all the help that I can give you right now.

[The Morrigan]

ahh... being in love and loving someone doesn't mean you're gonna be happy all the time, no matter how terrific your partner is. Unfortunately, part of knowing how much you love someone is how deeply they can touch your emotions, and that includes sadness and anger, the flip side of the coin to that happiness. One doesn't exist without the other...

 

When he can't make it, does he manage to let you know in advance, or is usually last minute? I know last minute cancellations really hurt, you get all excited and built up... only to come crashing down. And being hurt and disappointed is normal.

 

Would it be any better if he only committed to coming every second weekend, and instead surprised you when he COULD make it more often, instead of getting let down on the weekends in between? I'd sit down and ask him if there's any way he could figure out something he KNOWS he could manage, barring a real emergency... and work from there. Last minute GOOD surprises are always better than letdowns. Try and explain to him, if you haven't, that it really hurts when he has to let you down, not because you don't know he can't help it, but because you miss him, and the disappointment hurts after anticipating seeing him when you find out you can't.

[Juniebug]

ahh... being in love and loving someone doesn't mean you're gonna be happy all the time, no matter how terrific your partner is. Unfortunately, part of knowing how much you love someone is how deeply they can touch your emotions, and that includes sadness and anger, the flip side of the coin to that happiness. One doesn't exist without the other...

 

Thank for the replies,

 

You guys are right, only me myself and I can truly know if I am really in love or not. I guess I always thought that if I was ever truly in love, nothing will make me unhappy. However, I have come to realize that it is ok to be angry with the person you are in love with. There are no perfection in love... we are all human.

 

At the beginning of the relationship, I used to cry when I am unable to see him for a few weeks and when I miss him. I just realized I dont do that anymore and maybe that's why I tend to get bitter. All the anticipation and built up transforms to stress later transform into anger. I guess part of it also is because I know its out of our control and we knew it was going to be a long distance relationship going into it. And I dont think its fair but it was our choice. Hence, part of me sometimes think that he can control it because he's the one that's commuting, and if he cancels then it was his choice not to come when sometimes I know I should be more understanding but I tend not to see his side, does that make sense? How can I learn to understand the situation more? There is only one more year of long distance and we can live together if we choose to but he doesnt us to move in together if we are questioning our love and our relationship.