I'm so confused!! HELP!

[BigButtBrigg]

Ok...I have a major dellema. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now (and if you have read my previous posts, you know that our relationship is horrible). well...i really never thought i could get anyone else, and my self esteem is terrible. Well, yesterday my bestfriend (Tim) and I were driving home from school and we got to his house. We sat in the car and talked for 4 hours! but anyways...he told me that he hates how my boyfriend treats me and he told me he liked me. He said he has had feelings for me for over a year now and he has wanted there to be something between us, but he would never say anything because I was taken. This was a total shock to me, but should I give it a try? I mean...I know nothing could ever ruin our friendship and he is so wonderful! Plu,s it would give my boyfriend and I some time away from each other to see if we should be together. I just dont know what to do!! Please help! Do I stay with my boyfriend, or give it a try with Tim, or ????

[avman]

Well, by your previous posts and what you are saying here you are really unhappy in your current relationship. Your boyfriend is controlling and borderline abusive.

 

Now you've met someone who in your own words is wonderful. He is aware of your situation so he's going in with his eyes wide open. And he is offering you a chance of being truly happy and appreciated for who you are.

 

I say go for it!!

[neva_black_n_white]

i cant say to memory that i have read your previous posts. so if you made a link then that would be nice to know the back ground.

 

sorry to hear that you feel you have developed a low self esteem. it shouldnt be like that within a relationship yet anyway.

 

from what it seems, you have yet to think this completely through. or hae you?

it seems that if you were to have a 'break' from your boyfriend to be with tim, that you think it would be easy to get back with him.

Plu,s it would give my boyfriend and I some time away from each other to see if we should be together.

in some cases it works out like that, its a test of their love and the reality hitting through that they need that person, or have changed through the thought of loosing them.

but on the other hand you could do exactly that, loose him entirely. arte you willing to take that chance?

 

you say it wouldnt change your friendship, well that in itself shows a binding of how much he cares, but dont use him as a stepping stone to see how your boyfriend would then feel.

 

to me i would see this as being a final decision. and if you dont think that you can make it work, and in its self is a horrible and self esteem loweing relationship, it does sound to me that you should try with this tim.

 

ensure that you do this though he is not a rebound, or someone you are going to set up with because he shows you the affection when needed, and proved someone else can love you.

this may sound harsh all im saying is dont make the wrong decision, think it through.

and then decide.

 

good luck.

kel

[resident20]

hell yeah oops sorry.

i was in your shoes long time ago, exactly like that and guess what i got married to my friend, now he is my husband and he is still so wonderful.

i dont mean thats going to happen to you but at least i gave him a chance,

do it, give it a chance to your friend concentrate on him forget your current boyfriend, cause he has mistreated you.

good luck

[enadevoli]

i agree with every one else. there's no reason for you to be in this relationship with your bf if you are unhappy. if its a bad relationship you should get out because you will find that you will be much happier.

i totally think you should give tim a chance, if you like him. you think he's wonderful. you will be much happier.

[lunatic]

I agree with all the other posts that you must do what makes you happy. I only have one problem with this though. I think that she might need some time out of a relationship for a while to get the self-esteem back up and to learn to love herself again. Isn't that the way it should be you have to learn to love you before you can truly love another? Common ladies and Avman, I think she needs to find herself again before she can jump into another relationship. Especially, if this guy is a friend I don't think she wants to screw up a friendship because he shows some interest in her. She should take some time to find herself again and not jump into a rebound relationship.

 

Just my thoughts and concerns because I think she might be rushing into something too quickly.

 

-Hubman

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

 

I can see Hubman's point, however, I also think that you are young and if you like your friend as well, why not go for it? It could affect your friendship, it could not, but that's what life is all about, taking risks and seeing where they take you. It is dangerous to jump into a rebound relationship, but I have been where you are, I was in a bad relationship quite a few years back and I went into what everyone assumed was a "rebound." Things turned out quite well, and now the guy and I aren't dating, but he's one of my best friends and I couldn't be happier with how things turned out. Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don't, but there is no reason that you should deny yourself a potentially good relationship solely on the fact that other people think you need time to yourself.

 

I have read your other posts and I believe that this is something positive coming into your life. Your boyfriend does not know how to treat you, and perhaps he will realize it once you are gone, but in that instance it is HIS loss. I suggest you follow your heart and do what it tells you. If you heart is telling you to date this friend, then date him, no matter what others might think concerning a rebound. In the end, your opinion is the only one that matters. It's a risk, but it is a risk that you should take if you feel it is the right course of action for YOU.

 

I gather from what I read before that you are just not happy with your boyfriend, whether you chose to date this new guy or not, I do feel strongly that you should leave your boyfriend at least until you can come to terms with what you want with him. In this way, I agree with Hubman because mixing your friend up in all of this could be damaging. However, I also believe in trusting ones instinct and following one's heart. Listen to your heart and let it guide you.

 

Best wishes!