"The gift of fear"

[Gracelove]

I'm about to read a book with the above title. I'm excited and nervous.

 

It's a book about crime, and I'm sure it'll have me on edge. I've only read the first two sentences, and I feel the suspense building. I have a feeling I'll be jotting a lot about this book.

 

I'm pretty sure I'll learn more about my rapist, and my abusive ex while reading this book.

Ahhh!!!

 

Off I go to read.

[Gracelove]

I really like this book, it's making me tear up so far.

 

It's right. We all have that gift, our intuition.

 

When it came to my rape, my intuition was trying to warn me.

 

My friend Ariel...my intuition was trying to warn me about her.

 

It's weird, I don't know why thinking of it makes me feel so emotional. But in the same token it makes me feel better.

 

I used to feel so sad, I used to wonder what was wrong with me...why I didn't know? Why I couldn't see this coming. I felt so blind-sided.

 

It feels good to know, that my spirit knew, and tried to warn me.

 

I didn't know what was being planned. There is no way I could have ever guessed. But my spirit knew that something was wrong, something bad was coming on.

 

So what do you do when you get those feelings? Sometimes you still might now know what to do.

 

Ariel was a long-time friend. If I had those feelings again, about a long-time friend....I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't second guess it.

Even now I think. Getting a bad vibes, seeing bad things....and then just cutting off communication.........

I would do it, now, after this whole situation. But I would definitely stop to quesiton whether I was overreacting or not.

 

Anywho, it's better to overreact, than to possibly be taken out by crazies.

 

She was so dirty, you know? And when she was planning everything out, my intuition just knew. Something wasn't right. The things she said weren't right, they weren't making sense.

 

Like a puzzle piece that isn't apart of the puzzle. Where did that piece come from?

 

It feels good to know that I'm okay, and that I can pick up on things.

 

With him, and with her, there was another time my intuition tried to warn me. It was right before they drugged me.

 

Goodness, it's sad. My intuition was shooting off warnings left and right. So sad I didn't act.

[Gracelove]

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. For when you look long into an abybss, the abybss also looks into you"

 

~Nietzsche

[Gracelove]

This book is so interesting. It appears that people who commit violent crimes were abused or somehow mistreated by their parents.

 

So I guess my rapist was abused or neglected by his parents.

 

I was fortunate enough to have a really good childhood. But my abusive-stalker ex did not.

So, that part of the book makes sense.

 

I knew I should only date someone with my same childhood experiences/someone who had a happy childhood.

 

It thought it was so we'd be able to relate better. But I guess it's more than that.

 

"Recklessness and bravado are features of many violent people"

 

And people who seek to be in control are likely to be violent.

 

That makes sense, because rape is about control.

And abuse and stalking are about control....so that's interesting.

Knowing that makes things seem less scary.

 

Ooo, and there are appearantly a lot of people who have tried to murder others. But because their targets didn't die, the would-be murderers are off living productive lives. Hmmm, isn't that interesting?