Who else works with their ex?

[No Spaces Rob]

Does anyone else here work with the person that broke up with you?

 

How has your experience been? What have you done to try and heal? How are things between you and your ex at work? Do you feel left out of things at work now that you are not together anymore? Do you feel allegiances have changed with regard to other people at work, particularly your ex's friends? Do you feel harshly judged or as if people don't respect you? Are you not sure whether things have really changed or you are just imagining things? What have you done, or what would you do in this situation?

[parralax]

I got involved with someone I worked with a long time ago and we wound up having a fight. Other people got involved, alliances shifted. Some people got nasty. Its just human nature. It was not unlinke being at high school.

 

Some people willjudge you - they think that relationships with work colleauges are not professional, but really getting involved with people you work with is very common.

 

Friends at times will take sides, they can't seem to help it.

 

If it gets nasty, I'd find another job. The grief is not worth it.

[bach]

I used to work with my ex after we broke up. It sucked. She was my supervisor and we barely even spoke. That lasted 3 months. Pure hell.

 

We then had a social work function and she saw me hooking up with another girl and decided she wanted me back. We got back together but broke up again a couple of years later. By then i had changed positions, as had she, but we still worked closely together. That sucked too.

 

We got back together again only to break up again last month. This time at least we no longer work together. It makes life so much easier. I now can just go to work and try and forget. I still have the problem of other workmates asking questions about her, because they knew her, but most of them know weve broken up now.

[No Spaces Rob]

It was a 6 month long relationship, rather than any short casual thing. So there was time to develop quite strong feelings and attachment. I still work with her - more closely than ever.

 

There is no real nastiness - mainly the problem is my feelings. I don't know how to cope with it or how to take it when, for example, she complains in front of me about her life and how nobody ever wants to do anything for her (deep down I think, well why did you get rid of me? Don't I count??). And I no longer feel like I am 'included'. She has these conversations and little in-jokes with a friend of ours that I am excluded from - this is someone who is/was friends with both of us.

[rapunzel]

I work with my ex but in a musical situation so it's not every day. Our relationship was brief (3 months, we've known each other now about 11 months) but very intense and I'm still pulling myself together 4 months later. No one else in the band knows about us which makes it SOOO much easier....otherwise I think I would have quit the band by now.

 

It's difficult to say the least. He's made overtures to me in the last month (most of my posts are in the GBT forum) but they have not amounted to anything. I'm trying to start off 2008 with a fresh, clean slate. I cannot continue to hold out hope and I know that I won't have any chance with him or a potential new lover until I completely let go. So today, 2008, is a new beginning for me. Try to think of it as a new beginning for yourself.

 

As far as your feelings are concerned, you must protect yourself. I think you could politely excuse yourself when she starts complaining in front of you. That seems like some self-centered childish behavior. Maybe you could try to develop other friendships at work and find other people that you can bond with apart from your ex and your mutual friend. I have developed a friendship with another band member that has really helped me. Although he doesn't know about me and the ex, it is just nice to have him as a friend.

 

I think positive affirmations, journaling positive thoughts about yourself, and reminding yourself that you have no control over another person, only over yourself, is a self-empowering action. Detach emotionally from her behavior and realize that it's all about HER. It's not about YOU.

 

I have considered quitting the band. The reason I haven't is that there are 8 other people involved who I care about, and who would be greatly affected if I left. There are many benefits to being in this band: it keeps me musically involved and challenged, there are NO other bands like it in the area, I get to go out and perform and meet new people, and I do enjoy it. Many friends and people on ENA have counselled me to quit as it hasn't behooved my physical and mental health to keep myself in this situation.

 

However, I just feel that quitting, even though it would definitely hasten my healing, would give so much MORE power to my ex. Like he needs more power over me! To me, quitting would be basically giving him the ultimate power over me, causing me to "retreat" to lick my wounds, and give up the other friendships and social and musical opportunities I have by staying in the band. If it was just a "job" and I wasn't happy with the job, I would seek another job. But I like this band a LOT and I can only pray and have trust that TIME will heal and things will work themselves out.

 

In retrospect it is probably best to not get involved with work colleagues but when love comes knocking, I think common sense goes out the window. We all want to love and be loved and if we happen to meet that person at work, we should proceed with caution but life is so short and busy, and we spend so much time at work, that is seems inevitable we will have work relationships.

 

Best to you in 2008. Remember: her stuff is ALL about HER and has NOTHING to do with you. I recommend you read: "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz.

[lightn]

Does anyone else here work with the person that broke up with you?

 

How has your experience been? What have you done to try and heal? How are things between you and your ex at work? Do you feel left out of things at work now that you are not together anymore? Do you feel allegiances have changed with regard to other people at work, particularly your ex's friends? Do you feel harshly judged or as if people don't respect you? Are you not sure whether things have really changed or you are just imagining things? What have you done, or what would you do in this situation?

 

I used to work with my ex. She broke up with me with lame excuses. During that time I went NC. However she would come by and knock on my cubicle to let me know she is still there. ONe time she snapped because I gave her a bday card but then acted like nothing happen. Yes few my coworkers stated she was happy when she was with me and when not she was very unhappy. After a year of no contact she came to my old job looking for a new job but still at her old job. We had LC but now back to NC because I sent her a email stating how rude she was, and she needs to get her head straight and it is her decision. I was the one giving and nothing in return but her excuses finally stated because she has issues with her parents and has to work out her issues.

Right now I am making money and have a new ride while she is struggling financially, but I give her credit for getting her own house on a low salary.

Friends of mine did not judge me, they supported me and stating it was not me it was her and there is something wrong with her and if she ever get into a relationship it will not last because no guy will put up with her like I did.