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Relationship Advice


atticus
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i guess this is for the people who know A LOT about relationships...

 

what i want to know is, what kind of relationship do i have to have with a girl before giving it a shot with her?

 

i'm asking, because with my ex, we did things wrong, we hardly knew each other, hardly ever talked before going out, and weren't used to one another (only talked on msn a lot... but meh..)

 

but right now, she's my best friend, i'm her best friend, but i feel, that if i want to, i could give it another shot at some point, just want to know what kind of relationship, or what kind of factors i need first..from her.. or from myself... you know?

and when i got all that sorted out, what to do then, since she is very complicated and hard to figure out..

 

 

thanks.

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If you want to give it another shot at some point, by all means be friends, BUT (and this can sounds weird), don't forget to treat her like a girl. A little teasing, flirtatious comments, occasional compliment etc make it much clearer you're not looking at her as JUST a "buddy," but keeps it apparent you're acknowledging her as an attractive female - if there's no byplay and attraction there, it's easy to kind of flow into a very platonic friendship - and that's hard to recover a spark from.

 

Friendship and trust very are important for a stable relationship - but keeping a definite guy/girl acknowledgement is essential, IMO, to have her not look past you when she's thinking of boyfriend material, but AT you as someone in the category for consideration.

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Greetings,

I agree, you need to make sure you want the relationship to go to the next level, past the "got your back" stage. You need to make sure that she is somebody that you can love regardless of her faults. This is unfortunately something that most of us don't figure out until after we've been with them awhile, but what I mean is, before you jump back in, think about what went wrong before and whether you both have changed to your liking. Also, you might want to ask yourself lots of questions about whether or not you want to start again with her because you really, truly care deeply for her, or is it because you don't have anyone else at the moment and you're lonely? I suspect you have probably already thought about these things and you sound like you want to give it a go with good intentions. You mention she's hard to figure out, you may want to explore that with her more when you make the proposition to get back together. For example you might tell her that while you'd like to get back together, you are concerned that you do not understand where she's coming from sometimes, and that you care so much that it is frustrating for you. Ask her if she can offer any suggestions that might help you as a couple. This will show her that you respect her and her opinions. Maintain that throughout the relationship too.

Hope this helps some.

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