Need Advice!

[shocker99]

This is my first post on an internet site ever so be kind. I am 23 years old and have had 3 serious girlfriends in my life. The first was a high school sweetheart, the second was my freshman year of college and lasted 3 years, and the third was my recent girlfriend which lasted 14 months. After the first 2 breakups I bounced back within a matter of weeks if not days, but this one has been 3 months now and I don't know what to do.

I love her like everyone else loves there ex on this site and I of course tried to tell her how much I loved her and how badly I had messed up between us, it's been a week since we have talked now and I have a real problem with thinking out of sight is out of mind.

 

Anyway here is the story, we started dating last summer and I knew from the start that she was something special, and for that reason I always held back a little, we went slow on telling each other things like I love you and stuff, but were best friends pretty quickly. The end of the summer came and it was time for us to go off to college and of course we went separate places but only 100 miles apart. She asked me what I wanted to do and I said we would be crazy to throw what we had away because we both knew it was something special. The year went on and we had our ups and downs like any long distance relationship, but we both knew we loved each other and the minute we saw each other everything would be ok. Then we got to this summer and I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and it scared the life out of me, but I knew I had to get out of school and take care of her, so I stayed and took summer classes. She went home and I became distant because I was so wrapped up in my studies and really scared of loving someone as much as I loved her. We started to fight alot and argued over who would come see who and I would get mad and say things I shouldn't and she cried everyday for a month. Then one night she told me after a fight that she couldn't do this anymore and broke up with me.

I of course chased her around for the first two weeks and she thought I was crazy. I then left her alone and saw a couple of her friends at a bar one saturday night. One of them told me that she was already seeing someone else and he was good to her. She called me the next night to tell me that wasn't true and that she was to busy for anyone else. So more time went by and she finally confessed that she had went on some dates with this guy, but they were just friends to go out with. Finally, a month ago I got supremely drunk and called her on a wednesday night and I have no idea what I said, so the next day I emailed her a nice message telling her that I could not talk to her unless we were together and to call me if she thought we could work it out. I saw her best friend out that weekend and she told me I didn't say anything bad to her on the phone and that she understood I couldn't continue to talk to her. That sunday she calls me like nothing is wrong crying and telling me how she loves me more than anything and she knows she will never find anyone like me. We talk a few more times and I go see her and she tells me she just can't jump back into anything right now. Then we go another two weeks without talking and I break down and call her 2 mondays ago and she tells me that she still talks to this guy but they are definitely not together.The whole time she has told me she doesn't know what to do right now,she is so confused about everything. I am her first boyfriend of over 3 months and her first true love and I know she wanted to marry me so what do you think is going on?

 

Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated!

[The Morrigan]

"Confused" sounds like an understatement here - has she said why she can't decide what to do when she loves you this much? Whatever her reasons, it sounds like letting her come to you if that's what she decides is the way you're going to have to let it play out, because the back and forth of not knowing what's going on is not a good place to be. And pressuring her to jump into a relationship before she's decided on her own isn't going to help any, she'll wonder if it was the right thing to do if it's not her decision. It sounds like you're going to have to do your best to get out a bit, distract yourself by staying busy as possible, and if she sorts herself out, great, but if not, at least you're not just sitting waiting for the phone to ring. You need to put yourself first here, take care of yourself and your feelings, do whatever you need to to try and deal with the pain of being apart from her. Best case - she does come back, you won't be an emotional wreck to come back TO. Plus you'll know it was only her decision, and nothing you did to change her mind, it will be with her complete committment. And if she doesn't, you'll have been working on dealing with getting past the relationship, and out doing things to get your own life back in a rhythm without her.