Do I have another chance or is it all over?

[yo]

it's not that your everything wasn't enough.. it's just that she didn't WANT your everything.

 

it took me forever to accept that about my ex's when i was younger. but it turns out that that's one of the hardest aspects about relationships - finding someone who LETS you love them. you can love someone around the world and back, but if they're not ready to accept the love and love you back then it's just not worth your time. YOUR time, and YOUR love, are too valuable to waste on someone who cannot appreciate them for WHATEVER reason!

 

 

I was just curious - Does it help in anyway if her friend or a family member approves of me and asks her to go for it? Will that change her mind in any way? Beacuse I don't know - I think she might be confused!!!

[Lilacs]

Yo,

 

From what you've written, it doesn't sound like she is confused. Or if she was, you contacting her has made her more confident in her decision. Space and time slowly push the bad memories away and the good memories come to mind. In your case, I think you need to give her a lot of space and time, then maybe she will have something to be confused about. She is not going to get into a relationship that she doesn't believe in because a friend tells her to, and if she does, it will not last. She needs to come to that decision by herself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

it's not that your everything wasn't enough.. it's just that she didn't WANT your everything.

 

it took me forever to accept that about my ex's when i was younger. but it turns out that that's one of the hardest aspects about relationships - finding someone who LETS you love them. you can love someone around the world and back, but if they're not ready to accept the love and love you back then it's just not worth your time. YOUR time, and YOUR love, are too valuable to waste on someone who cannot appreciate them for WHATEVER reason!

 

I absolutely agree. Also, there are some dumpers who do indeed try to stay in touch, but not all. I don't think a dumpee who treated their partner well should even consider contacting the dumper first despite what the dumper says about "let's be friends". If the dumper wants that friendship so badly, let them call...but as far as the dumpee accepting friendship, well if they want to get back with their ex and think friendship is going to help their cause, that is a big mistake. If someone dumps someone, unless they dumped that person because that person didn't treat them right, it is best to just walk away from the dumper completely and go no contact. Who needs someone who doesn't value you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yo,

 

From what you've written, it doesn't sound like she is confused. Or if she was, you contacting her has made her more confident in her decision. Space and time slowly push the bad memories away and the good memories come to mind. In your case, I think you need to give her a lot of space and time, then maybe she will have something to be confused about. She is not going to get into a relationship that she doesn't believe in because a friend tells her to, and if she does, it will not last. She needs to come to that decision by herself.

 

I agree with this.

[yo]

In your case, I think you need to give her a lot of space and time, then maybe she will have something to be confused about.

 

So, what do I do now?? Do I start dating other people or not? I don't want her to think that I have moved on and forget about me. I want her to know that I will be there for her no matter what happens. At the same time, I don't even know how long I should wait for her. What if she never comes back?

[Lilacs]

Yo, I totally understand how you feel. Yes, start dating other people, yes move on. She knows how you feel about her. Waiting for her will be unattractive to her, living your life to make YOU happy will be attractive to her and everyone else.

[greensleeves]

What you need to do now is move forward with your life without contact. She may come back and she may not...it's beyond your control and you have to accept that. A friend or family member won't influence her decision, just as you contacting her won't, if anything it will only reinforce what she's already decided.

 

I think that you'll find after a while of nc you will see things more clearly and there is a good chance that you may decide you don't even want her back. Get out with your friends and try to have some fun. These feelings won't last forever, but you have to be willing to take the necessary steps to move on. I know that it's hard right now, but it will get better if you keep busy and spend time with people or keep yourself occupied with other interests.

[yo]

But its so darn hard I've been trying everything. But, can't stop ruminating about her or the past. All I keep thinking is - if I did this, If I said this, If I sent her this etc etc when I very well know that nothing's going to change her mind. And I am all making future plans like in 3 months I will try calling again, in 6 months I will do this blah blah. I think I am really getting obsessed about her..which is really not a good sign. I am doing NC but it doesn't seem to be helping me in any way. I am thinking so much more about her now than when I was actually with her!!!