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I recently got back together with a girl who I had previously gone out with long distance. We broke in February, when she was doing very badly mentally and decided to end it and see somebody else. We saw each other again over the summer and started talking again, and eventually she asked me to take her back, promising repeatedly that the previous crisis would not repeat itself.

 

Now here's the problem; I definitely see her getting depressed again, and I'm afraid this will destroy the relationship if it continues like this. She always tells me that I make her happy, but that's only for the time that we talk to each other every day, and I feel like I should be able to do more to make her more happy in general. Is there any way I can help her deal with her depression through long-distance, and should I be worried about what effect this will have on the relationship?

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I am also in a long distance relationship and I can relate to how she feels... she is probably feeling lonely when she dont see you and misses you, its hard to be away from your boyfriend... Well, how often do you guys see each other really? I see my bf every other weekend, and its still hard... but then again she also needs to understand that she agreed to it since you guys been through it before and should try to keep her promise. Its great that you guys get to talk to each other every day atleast. Your gf probably needs reassurance that you love her, talk to her about it so she would see what you see. She is probably feeling depressed because she dont get to see as often as she would want to. Both of you really need to ask if its really what you guys want, because any relationships will have issues and you really need to be stong and talk about it and trust each other. Also, maybe she has too much free time on her hands?, if that is her case, then tell her she should get involve in more activities so she can keep her self busy and not think about you so much. Good luck!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi,

 

I am going through almost the exact same thing your girlfriend is. My boyfriend and I have been friends ever since last December, and we started dating in September. We've gotten really close, and fallen hard for each other. However, he's going to study abroad in Japan. He's going to stay home after our Christmas break (which is about 75 minutes away from where we go to school). He doesn't leave for Japan until the end of March. I've been worrying about losing him, because he's also one of my good friends. I've been going to counselling, and that really helps a lot. I would encourage your girlfriend to find some help, and have her talk about how she's feeling. Also, be realistic and honest with her. It is difficult being apart, but with her knowing that you want to try to make things work should hopefully be a comfort to her. Be prepared to listen to her. If either of you want to send me a message, please do so, it may be good to form some sort of a "support network"

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Hi.

 

I am currently in my first long distance relationship - going strong for 9 months now.

 

I can definitely say that it's one of the hardest thing I've ever been through...we love each other so much - but since we live in different countries, 800 miles away from each other, it's like ripping our hearts out every time we say "see you later" (*note: we never say good bye).

 

There are days that I feel depressed too. My boyfriend is very strong - a lot stronger than I am -- and his constant encouragement, love and support has kept me optimistic even when I'm having a down day. He has a real way of making me feel special - and that gives me strength too. We also know that this separation is not perminant...and that also keeps me going.

 

I think that your girlfriend just needs a lot of reminders about why you and her decided to do this in the first place. Tell her how much you love & care about her....dream with her....make future plans....tell her how much you want to be with her....spend as much time as you can re-assuring her that you plan to give all of your effort making her happy. She may need to feel like she can trust you and count on you to be there for her emotionally and mentally when being there physically is not possible.

 

My boyfriend and I talk on the phone at least once a day...if at least just to say "I love you". We tell each other what's going on in our lives....we make plans for our future, and give as much encouragement to each other as possible...it helps me because it makes me feel close to him even though there is 800 miles between us. We always know when we are going to visit each other again too - we make plans as soon as we get home.

 

I am excited because I'm going to see him in 24 more days! It really gives me something to look forward to. I am going to cherish our time together. And you and your girl should do the same. Enjoy each other, and don't forget to give lots of loving thaughts, feelings and words of encouragement...it really helps to remember why you got into this in the first place.

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