Need Help Urgently!!

[Jeffster]

Please don't worry...

 

Of course I'm staying at least 4 blocks away from her at all times as the order says. There's no chance in heck I'm contacting her. Period.

[thinkstoohard]

**UPDATE**

 

She just filed a restraining order against me

 

What do I do???

 

What was the straw that forced her to file a restraining order?

[Zorba]

Sheesh this has been a weird few months for you alright. Now I know you said she was abusing drugs and your shrink reckoned the same from your story anyway. The shink is going to take things on your perception and frankly if she did make a diagnosis on that basis, she sounds like a bit of an over reactor.

 

How do you definitively know your ex is on drugs and booze? The "I was an addict myself so I know the signs" doesn't really cut it as a diagnostic tool. Did you have direct proof of this? Are you sure this is beyond conjecture on your part?

 

I mean you accusing her of being an addict and throwing in an over the top marriage proposal and subsequent rejection by you would rattle anyone's cage. Is this not more the reason why she's not speaking to you?

 

Not speaking is enough, going to the bother of a restraining order ramps it up the scale. How did she manage to get a restraining order? Surely there has to be a reasonable level of hassle or threat from you to her for that to be granted?

 

In any event stay well away from her. Even if she is a junkie, she's made it clear that she doesn't want your input. The scaling up the the legal arena seals the deal really.

[samross]

jeffster

 

I'm not a lawyer but I would imagine at this point since she has taken the steps you've indicated there isn't anything YOU can do with the legal constraints on you. I would think the next step is if you truly fear for the children's wellfare you need to contact them and I would do it through the county or city prosecutor's office. If you do it on your own she may be able to say that's harassment under the restraining order. Let the law handle it now.

[holden]

**UPDATE**

 

She just filed a restraining order against me

 

What do I do???

 

what do u do??? are u serious...buddy its a restraining order...you have to obey that, maybe u should get some therapy

[remainstrong]

Jeffster,

 

I am afraid it apears you are a saint but indeed you cant help someone who doesnt want helping especially with a restraining order, my heart feels for you.

 

With all the good will in the world this girl obviously doesnt seem to want or be able to accept your help,,,,, at this moment in time.

[theonethatiwant]

Wow....isn't it time for this train wreck to come to an end? You and everyone here can rail on me but you my man are a bully and a control freak. I am not remotely surprised to find out you are a recovered addict your behavior as posted by you on this sight reeks with impulsive controllng behavior. This does not mean you are a bad person and that's not my intent here but you seem obtuse.

You propose marriage after many months of separation, she (wisely) declines, you GO OFF on her (in your own words) and now a month later are going behind her back to friends and family trying to do an intervention on a woman who is not speaking to you....CPS is serious sh8t and very very difficult to undo, usually not the best thing for children unless they are at EXTREME risk.

Now she has taken out a restraining order....yikes what does it take for you to realize that you have NO control...You don't know of any treatment centers but Hazelden is 20 minutes from you...?

You cannot manipulate someone into loving you, being there , or being well.

Here are my parting words for this year; my guess is that you are unbelievably insecure maybe even self-loathing, and you medicate this by trying to be in control all the time....This forum is perfect for you because you can cultivate followers that boost your ego. I notice that many of your posts are seeking approval/forgiveness/justification, for some bad behavior.

There is also a lot of good there.

Someone earlier suggested that therapy would be helpful for you...only of course if you are going to come clean with yourself.

Your fans can rip me, but I cannot watch this stuff unravel anymore and not speak up.

Leave her alone, focus on yourself, take your own inventory and THEN you might be in a position to really help some one but help yourself first man.

 

Good luck with a peaceful enlightened 2008

[thinkstoohard]

Well Jeffster, you seem to have disappeared again. What is the latest?

[Jeffster]

Oh, I'm here. I'm just busy with my actual, real life and I'm not quite sure what catagory this falls under... Relationships?

 

Anyhow, I'll try to clear up a few things.

 

First of all, now I know why they say you can't help someone if they don't want it. Duh! No * * * * Sherlock. I guess as usual, I just had to learn the hard way...

 

Secondly, the reason I know she's on drugs is because I've seen her take them by the handful and wash them down with a glass of wine, and because she's been to the emergency room twice in as many months, and the list goes on and on and on, These are only a couple of examples. Now, can I say for sure she is an addict? No. But if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... It's a duck!

 

 

And as far as me being a control freak and all that. No way. I'm not at all. Quite the oppisite. I'm the most easy going laid back guy you'd ever want to know.

 

An as far as the RE order. She filed it to stop me from doing an intervention on her. She got wind of it from her friend and she found a way to completely stop it.

 

As far as marriage, like I said before, I asked her because if she said yes, (and I knew it was a long shot), then I'd have leverage over her to say if she didn't get help, we're not gettin married. That's it.

 

And as to calling the authorities, I don't think I will. I don't want her to suffer and I don't want her to hate me anymore than she already does. Plus, what if I'm all wrong about her. I need to settle down emotionally before I do anything drastic.

 

I still have 40 days to dispute the RE order in court, but I haven't decided what to do yet. I really wasn't planning on talking to her anyway. We'll see.

 

Peace Out.

[Jeffster]

UPDATE---

 

Seasons greatings all!!!

 

Well, I've decided the best thing to do is to just let all this go and never speak to the ex again, ever.

 

Sometimes, doing nothing is the right thing to do and in this case it is because, A) you can't make someone like you, and B) you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.

 

This has been a hard lesson to learn and hopefully I'll do better if this ever happens to me again.

 

And to anyone else out there struggling with this same kind of thing I say, JUST LET IT GO AND MOVE ON!!!--I know it's hard, but you'll save yourself hours and hours of pain and frustration.

 

Thanks to all who have supported me through this, it means more than you'll ever know.

 

Jeff

[CatsMeeoow]

It's hard to see someone you really care about really messing up in life and not giving a ****.

 

It will be a bittersweet holiday for you but as you know when it comes to addictions if you don't cut the person loose who won't seek help they'll just drag you down along with them. I believe you said you had addicitions problems too so this is the last person you should be clinging too...

 

2008 will have more wonderful things to show you of that I am sure!

[Jeffster]

Thanks Cats!!

 

I feel better already!!

 

Best wishes for 2008 to you also!!!