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Jealousy issues returning


sabena
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Hello...For those that do not know me, a while back I had major problems with jealousy and my boyfriend's "friendship" with his ex. We got through these problems, split up and got back and for the last three months everything has been fine. Now I find out that he has been contacting this ex again and I am basically really trying to fight the feelings of jealousy that are overpowering me right now.

 

He does not know that I have found out he has contacted her and I haven't mentioned it to him and nor will I because he will not like how I found out, but the point is he went with her for over a period of three years and in that time she dumped him twice. I know she was the one he wanted to marry and when we first met he told me all about her and how fabulous she is.

 

Me and my bf are about to move in with eachother in a couple of weeks, I am just about to get a new job and I am just so stressed and worried over this. He tells me he is "deeply in love with me" and I believe him but I just cannot get out of my head that he will eventually, at some point go running to her the moment she clicks her fingers...

 

Any words of advice or comfort will be greatly appreciated....

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I am(sorta) and have been going through the same thing.Except my bf wasnt so open to telling me that they were 'friends' which is what got to me.

 

And i also feel exactly the same about the ex clicking her fingers.But the way i see it,coz im assuming you snooped (i did too) you can either tell him,and he might have you down as insecure and will be annoyed that you went through his stuff,even though you feel as if you were justified coz you found something.-or you can keep this to yourself.But this will cause you a great deal of pain unless there is some way that you can mentally tell yourself that its not that big a deal.

 

I wouldnt reccomend telling him straight away,but i would definitely bring it up in conversation maybe and see what he says.

You said that you knew they were friends beforehand,can i ask why its upsetting you now?were bad things said?

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i saw keep it in, you brought this on yourself by snooping through his stuff so you deserve to deal with it yourself instead of causing him trouble over it also. hes already told you that he loves you very deeply. are you implying that hes the type of guy that will say that to someone when he actually doesnt care about them and wants someone else? because if thats so then i wouldnt want to be with someone like that. take a look at his character. if hes an honest and trustworthy guy then what more do you expect him to say? im pretty sure that even if he tells you that he would never leave you for her that it wont be good enough he never contacts her again. am i right? one of the biggest parts of a relationship is trust, you have to trust that your partner loves you and wouldnt hurt you, otherwise what is there?

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Hi Sabena,

 

Sorry to hear about the setback in your personal development.

 

OK - I see two issues.

 

Firstly, there is what he is up to. Is he up to anything? Or are they simply friends. Is he not telling you he has met you because he knows how jealous you get - and it is not justified?

 

Secondly, there is your jealousy. Be it in this relationship, or in another one, you are going to have to deal with this. Why do you feel like this? Do you dislike yourself this much that you are second best to this girl? You are number one here. Your guy is telling you this. Why do you not believe him? Why do you continue to undervalue yourself?

 

Didn't I recommend a book to you once upon a time? I'm pretty sure you were reading one - and were happy with how you were getting on with it. What happened ??!

 

You have to believe in yourself Sabena, and only you can start that.

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