was i right to do this ?

[brandos lovechild]

hey everyone,

 

About 4 days ago i broke up with my girlfriend of 4 months(although we had been close friends for much longer). We hadn't seen eachother for a fortnight and made arrangements to go on a dinner date and then go into town for drinks. The dinner was wonderful,we were joking and laughing..it felt like a first date!

 

 

 

Then we went into town and decided to head to a bar,a regular haunt of my girlfriend and her buddies. To get into this bar,there are one set of double doors..then a doorman..then another set of double doors..then the actal room. We walked through the first couple of doors and i went to the second lot and opened the door for myself and then for her. She had stopped to chat to the doorman,i guess they were well acquainted. I stood there holding the door open for her but she didn't seem any nearer to being ready as i waited.

 

 

She was now very close to him (she was not drunk at all by the way)..whispering in his ear whilst having her back turned to me..giving him her undivided attention. I waited a few moments later whilst they continued exchanging whispers+laughs and then i just walked on through to the bar by myself. Now looking back,i wished she could have at least introduced me if she was that friendly with him!

 

She must have heard the door close as she came trotting over to me. Her first words were " you made me jump slamming the door like that!" ..then a few moments later with a frown on her face she said.. " what's wrong?".

 

I responded saying " YOU ! Just chatting away like that. You'd still be talking to him now if you hadn't heard the door close. Im sorry that this is a date and im your boyfriend being an inconvenience." I hadn't even slammed the bloody door.

 

As i said it,she just looked ahead with an emotionless look on her face. I ordered myself a drink,swallowed it in one and took off on my own without her knowledge. I then got a call 20 mins later,but i was already on my way home at that point. I msgd her saying " i felt a total pr1ck just standing there. Do u think if it had been 3 weeks instead of a fortnight you might have just said hello+how r u to the doorman instead. You aint a girlfriend,you are a f *ckin pain in the ass. Leave me alone."

 

She hasn't got in touch. I was just listening to Bob Dylan's 'lay lady lay' today and the tears were streaming down my face. I still love her but i can't let my pride take any battering. All my friends and family say that she was completely out of order for being so rude and taking me for granted. They also don't understand why i hang around even though we haven't slept together (shes a virgin,im not..were both under 20). I guess that's what love is about i suppose.

 

Just want to thank anyone who has read this far and i would be extremely grateful 4 responses..good or bad. Just want to know if i was harsh or if im right to expect the same respect and affection i give to her. THANKYOU

 

 

 

[brandos lovechild]

Thanks very much Swingfox.

 

The trouble is..she spends so many nights out with her friends in bars and clubs,far more nights than she spends with me. If she wanted to flirt,why couldn't she do it on her own time with her friends..not during a date with me? When i read your response,i started questioning whether i had overreacted with her? She hadn't kissed him or anything. However,i have always been taught to judge your partner on her actions and not her words. A girlfriend who doesn't take you for granted wouldn't have done that surely?

 

You have inspired me to mend my actions in future with other girls. I will imitate her behaviour. If a girl starts flirting with another guy for a minute..i'll find a girl to flirt with for 2 minutes. Who knows,i could really connect with the girl im flirting with ?

 

My mother always said to me..." if you are with a date and she stops to have a conversation with a member of the opposite sex..let her ask 'how are you?' 'how is so and so...' 'how's work?'. If the chat goes further than that while you are standing around like an idiot..you walk away and let her know if she wants to catch up,she can do it in her own time ! "

 

I TRULY AGREE WITH THIS. I waited around whilst she was whispering in his ear and had her back turned to me. How rude is that right ?

 

 

I dunno. I'm gonna still be friends with her but i will hide my attraction as best as i can. Need to look for another girl,get my sex life restarted. I think my virginity is growing back. ha ha LOL.

 

Thankyou 8)

[Mar]

Okay, yes, it was wrong of her to stand there ignoring you, ESPECIALLY on a nice dinner date, while she chatted with this guy, I have no arguments about that. But you WERE harsh in your response to it. You could have been a bit more mature and simply said, when asked what was wrong, that you didn't appreciate being ignored and that she was being inconsiderate, and asked her why she did such a thing. Swearing at someone is NOT the way to go, though I've had the urge a few times myself and can understand!

 

For future reference, it's not a powerplay. Your mom is absolutely right in her advice to you, in that if it goes past the "catchup chitchat" and you're not considered into the conversation, much less introduced, then there's an issue there. But relax. This was one bad incident, and yes, I agree she was in the wrong. In the future, I don't think you'll run into this type of situation again. If you do, simply state that you don't appreciate being treated as second class, and are leaving. Manners should never be dropped no matter HOW long you're with someone!

 

Mar

[brandos lovechild]

hello mar,thankyou.

 

I understand. It was very weak of me to be so uncouth towards her. I couldn't help myself from swearing because i could sense her indifference to what had upset me.

 

Because i have experienced what being truly appreciated and respected feels like..if im made to feel the opposite,i just CANT RATIONALISE or control my outbursts. The thing is,if i had hung around her much longer while she was carrying that defiant,expressionless face..i would have only walked out anyway,so i don't feel guilty for leaving while i was away from her presense.

 

I'm glad to be receiving reassurance that i kinda was within my rights to do what i did.

 

She still hasn't got in touch..either because she's mad that i left her,or because i told her to leave me alone. The good thing is..i can stand by my conviction+have a clear conscience...nevermind how she sees what happened !

 

Just one more thing..im likely to bump into her next friday. I'm thinking i should just smile nicely at her+then move away. What do you think?