So what if BOTH people are doing NC??

[bluestar]

What happens if two people split up and both go NC. But both are really missing each other and feel they must stick to NC no matter what.

What do you think?

[Pocket Rocket]

Hm I'm in this position right now, I started NC without saying anything and he picked up on it pretty quickly and is ignoring me back, I keep questioning whether I've done the right thing it would be good to see everyone's opinions on this.

[Ampire]

What happens if two people split up and both go NC. But both are really missing each other and feel they must stick to NC no matter what. Isn't this a bit silly?

What do you think?

 

If you both want to move on then NC is not silly.

 

If you don't want to move on it still isnt silly - its stubborn pride or fear.

 

If someone broke up with you and they don't want to be with you then stick with NC.....eff them, if they don't want to be with you then do not give them any satisfaction of having you...

[bluestar]

If you both want to move on then NC is not silly.

 

If you don't want to move on it still isnt silly - its stubborn pride or fear.

 

If someone broke up with you and they don't want to be with you then stick with NC.....eff them, if they don't want to be with you then do not give them any satisfaction of having you...

 

Um, yes, but what if you are both really missing each other but are both thinking that the other has moved on/doesn't want to get back etc?

[love4life]

Um, yes, but what if you are both really missing each other but are both thinking that the other has moved on/doesn't want to get back etc?

 

bluestar, your question indicates that YOU are really missing him, but how do you know he is really missing you if he hasn't contacted you?

 

Both my ex and I are doing NC without having discussed it beforehand and I have no clue if he misses me or not.

[Ampire]

bluestar, your question indicates that YOU are really missing him, but how do you know he is really missing you if he hasn't contacted you?

 

Both my ex and I are doing NC without having discussed it beforehand.

 

exactly......

[Kitty Cat]

Hi - I'm going through NC right now. He was trying to see how I was going at first but I'm just so hurt inside and just want to forget about everything. I guess I'm hoping NC will make him realize & remember all the good times we've had in the past.... I think he is doing the NC thing also cuz he knows I can't even see or look at him right now....

[Ampire]

I personally know my ex is missing me because she has told me several times, but she does not want to get back together....

 

I went NC by telling her, I will always be there for you if you need me but if not then im just a memory....blah blah....

 

I didn't say it directly but she gets my point.........It's better to do NC - if they do really love you then they will come to you, but I wouldn't count on anything......

[bluestar]

Exactly! What if you are both doing it because you think the other person is. Is it then a question of who caves first? I do miss him, madly. I also needed some time.

 

 

 

QUOTE=love4life;2017206]bluestar, your question indicates that YOU are really missing him, but how do you know he is really missing you if he hasn't contacted you?

 

Both my ex and I are doing NC without having discussed it beforehand and I have no clue if he misses me or not.

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

I am going NC and if he does or not shouldn't matter. If you both are going NC maybe you both are moving on. Moving on isn't a bad thing. If you are both going NC and miss eachother I guess it would have to see who wants to give up first. If you are both pretty stubborn then I guess it will take a while or you will never know.

 

You will never know if they are missing you or not. It's up to them whether they call you. I started going NC this week and my ex already called me yesterday with a lame excuse saying he didn't have his phone so if I needed to get a hold of him to go online and chat or email.. but NC mean NC so I'm not going to do it.

 

I wonder if he misses me and the call kinda says he does. But if you are having doubts on NC then in my opinion don't do it. Maybe you just aren't ready.

[holden]

Um, yes, but what if you are both really missing each other but are both thinking that the other has moved on/doesn't want to get back etc?

 

u dont know what your ex is thinking? so how would u or could u know if they miss u? its your mind playin tricks on you...who ever is the dumper will contact the other person and break NC if they truly missed them...yes they will even suck up their pride and take that risk if they truly missed u....if you are a dumpee your just lookin for an excuse to break NC...move on, its their loss...........

[bluestar]

Im months into NC. It would be quite significant if either of us broke it now. Its a shame to think that both could be so stubborn that you miss out on a reconciliation, but I guess it happens.

[glimmerofhope]

Maybe we're better off living the rest of our days thinking that they missed us and might have been willing to reconcile than breaking no contact and finding out that they have completely moved on and have no interest in having us as a part of his lives.

[bluestar]

Maybe we're better off living the rest of our days thinking that they missed us and might have been willing to reconcile than breaking no contact and finding out that they have completely moved on and have no interest in having us as a part of his lives.

 

Wow.

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

Im months into NC. It would be quite significant if either of us broke it now. Its a shame to think that both could be so stubborn that you miss out on a reconciliation, but I guess it happens.

if you want to reconcile you have to break NC and see the other person is going to do the same. but you are taking that chance after a couple months. to me if you are going to wait on them forever and they don't contact you and you think they are being just as stubborn then contact them.

[Coyote9]

If it's a matter of weeks, then likely the one who dumped the other one (if they miss the person they dumped) will initiate some sort of contact. My ex broke up with me a number of times, but couldn't keep away even though she was the one breaking NC each time over the last 6 months of the relationship. She finally broke it off while I was out of town last spring and asked that I not contact her in her breakup note (I know, pretty heartless, but that's how she does breakups). I have honored her request and have done NC for me as well at this point, as there would be no purpose in beating a dead horse so to speak at this point. It's hard, because I would like to think she misses me, and yet I know that she is likely with someone else, and chose to end things with me as she did, so why waste time thinking about things that have no real consequence on my life now (or hers for that matter, whatever she may be doing, it's no business of mine).

 

Sometimes it does feel as if we wish there would have been more closure as these breakups happened, and yet, in the final analysis, we are the only ones that can provide that closure for ourselves. The longer the period of NC, the greater the healing that can occur.

[PrincessBOT]

The odds that the other person is just really moving on are too great. I think that each of us knows our ex and what they are most likely feeling. That coupled with the way the relationship ended should give us a pretty good idea whether the other person is maintaining NC even though they may want to break it or if they are just moving on.

 

In my case I don't think my ex even thinks about our relationship enough to consider the concept of NC. He is just moving on with his life. I (the dumpee) on the other hand am keeping NC so that I don't get hurt by the fact that he is moving on. Besides that I can't stop hating him and would never risk the chance of getting hurt anymore by him. He ended it for

his reasons and IMO it could never mean anything if I contact him because I never wanted it to end in the first place.

 

I must admit that in the back of mind I realize that the only power I have in the situation is NC. He is a human being and no matter how much he moves on I will eventually run through his thoughts and if I keep in contact when he clearly doesn't want to be together I lose even that little bit of control. It is not control over him, but control of the way things ended. I felt so helpless that the little bit of perceived control NC give me helps me sleep and move on with my life.

 

To sum it up, I think that if two people are missing each other (even if the other doesn't know for sure) and maintaining NC out of stubbornness and not wanting to give in first, then they need to maintain NC until they mature.

[PrincessBOT]

u dont know what your ex is thinking? so how would u or could u know if they miss u? its your mind playin tricks on you...who ever is the dumper will contact the other person and break NC if they truly missed them...yes they will even suck up their pride and take that risk if they truly missed u....if you are a dumpee your just lookin for an excuse to break NC...move on, its their loss...........

 

very well said, this is what it boils down to

[glimmerofhope]

This is a much more gentle way of saying what I was trying to say above, bluestar. And I do apolgize for the tone of my response; it was unnecessarily harsh, and I should have caught myself.

 

Nevertheless, if I was in your shoes, I know I'd need to really sit myself down and ask myself how I would feel if I contacted my ex after all that time and found out they had completely moved on.

 

If you have some good reason for thinking your ex wants to reconcile, then I think it's a different story. But if it's all hope and speculation, I would be too afraid of what the truth might behold. I guess that's why no contact is the weapon of choice...there's a certain advantage to ignorance.

[Zeter]

...if I keep in contact when he clearly doesn't want to be together I lose even that little bit of control.

Not to mention loss of dignity and self-esteem, too. For a dumpee, at least.

 

Zeter

[Coyote9]

The odds that the other person is just really moving on are too great. I think that each of us knows our ex and what they are most likely feeling. That coupled with the way the relationship ended should give us a pretty good idea whether the other person is maintaining NC even though they may want to break it or if they are just moving on.

 

I felt so helpless that the little bit of perceived control NC give me helps me sleep and move on with my life.

 

To sum it up, I think that if two people are missing each other (even if the other doesn't know for sure) and maintaining NC out of stubbornness and not wanting to give in first, then they need to maintain NC until they mature.

 

I really like how you're put this Princess....I think it's a very accurate read as to what most of our dumper ex's are (not) thinking and gives us at least a shread of dignity and control of our actions.

[alwaysthegirlfriend]

I really like how you're put this Princess....I think it's a very accurate read as to what most of our dumper ex's are (not) thinking and gives us at least a shread of dignity and control of our actions.

I think this is completely right that when you are ready to really reconcile that one or both of you will stop NC until then you aren't done with the hurt you are feeling. Give it some more time.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No Contact should be broken by the person who was most in the wrong in the relationship. If person A behaved badly to person B which ultimately prompted person B to end the relationship and go No Contact, it is up to person A to break No Contact if he/she truly regrets how they have behaved. If person B breaks NC first in such a situation, person A will get the message that person B accepts being treated badly and will come running back for more. If, on the other hand, person A treated person B well and person B just didn't know how he/she felt anymore and thereforeeee ended the relationship, it is up to person B to break NC. Basically, the person who should break NC is the person who is most at fault for why things disintegrated, and that person should have had time for reflection and inner growth and be willing to do what it takes to re-build the relationship.

[FeignedMischief]

Bluestar, without meaning to sound harsh, the fact that he hasnt tried to reach out to you speaks volumes. It means he is moving on and you should continue to do that too. So for your sake and for your healing to come sooner rather than later, stick to NC, stop thinking about what he must be feeling right now, as to whether he still thinks about you or misses you because does it really even matter?

 

And take care of yourself.

[love4life]

To sum it up, I think that if two people are missing each other (even if the other doesn't know for sure) and maintaining NC out of stubbornness and not wanting to give in first, then they need to maintain NC until they mature.

 

Nicely put! And I would add to that that once you realize you're no longer doing NC to stick it to them, that's the time that you know you can break it.

 

I, for one, know that part of my NC was to prove to him that I didn't need him, as well as to prove it to myself. I'm at a point where I'm back on the dating scene (even had someone I dated over a year ago contact me the other day) and my feelings for my ex have actually become indifference tinged with pity. I feel like, in another month or so, I could reach out to him and not have any expectations.