First phone call post break-up...

[CreoUCLA]

So, my ex called me today for the first time since we split up about 2 months ago. We caught up a bit on what's going on with our lives... And then she steered the talk to "us." We talked a bit about the problems we encountered, leading up to the split... How she was a different person and how I put her on the back burner (took her for granted). She said she felt the relationship was all her fault, but I told her it wasn't. She commented on the lack of the "in love feeling." Then she told me about the guy she's seeing/spending time with. Supposedly they aren't "together," but they have feelings for one another. She said how she feels she doesn't have to "try so hard" with him (I'm wondering how long that lasts? hehe). She asked if I was dating anyone, and I told her that I wasn't. She said she wants to meet up with me to give the rings back that we got for each other, in person. I tentatively said the week of Dec. 17th or so (since I won't be around until then). We joked around a little bit, and then I ended the conversation.

 

I feel happy that she's finding her happiness. I also have faith that I will be just fine. In terms of the new guy, I truly hope he makes her happy. I think it's kind of early to be getting that emotionally involved (~2 months after a ~6 year relationship), but she's going to do what she's going to do...

 

She still wants to be "friends," so I figure now I'll just stay in very limited LC. I will move on with my life... And whatever happens in the future, happens.

 

-Mike-

[emalkoc]

what a sucker! You should have told her none of her biz who you are with..

 

She was just checking on you whether you are available since her relationship is not where supposed to be..She does not want to come back but she want to keep you in the back burner...classic is not it?

 

I say LC is the right strategy..I am going to experiment a new method- my own in next few weeks..I think there is a chance but would like be the first one to be tested May help society little bit

 

So, I will use the jealousy pull strategy...Read my post from yesterday..I am going to put a competition in front of these CONFUSED EXes...Her behaviour will be an example to all of us here..MAy be I am sacrificing my LTR..But what the heck...

 

Check it out!

 

Eric

[CreoUCLA]

She was just checking on you whether you are available since her relationship is not where supposed to be..She does not want to come back but she want to keep you in the back burner...classic is not it?

 

She can think whatever she wants, because I am moving on. Plus, I know that I don't want to be with her right now anyway... I don't think she's worked on herself enough as an individual. I am way more emotionally mature than her, and I know it.

 

Limited LC it will be...

 

-Mike-

[rokston]

I think you did really well!! Cool and collected, at the same time friendly .. the way you handled the situation is perfect

 

Anyways, moving on is the only thing you can do. IF she wants to reopen the lines of communication with regards to reconciliation than you can think about it then.

 

The least you will get out of it all is a good friend.. That can't be a bad thing!!!

[d24]

Yeah yuo did really well, good job not being sucked back into the familiar. LC is definitely your best bet, and when you meet try to mke a point of meeting her boyfriend so that she knows she can't hide you from him and that you're truly not interested anymore?

 

I have made friends with several of my ex's and the emotional closeness can last a long time (and soemtimes can be translated into friendship) and you can get some really good friends out of the worst situations. Like another poster said - on a good day you'll make another friend who knows you in-and-out, and that can't be a bad thing!

 

Good luck with the meet, let us know how it went?

[CreoUCLA]

I know that she's just keeping me around as a back-up/safety net, so that she can soothe her guilt for breaking up with me and going after that new guy. She thinks I'm going to be her "friend," but I'm going to slowly pull away. Right now, she's just being selfish, needy, and immature about it all. She still has this deluded view that she can "have her cake and eat it too."

 

In terms of the ring exchange, I probably won't end up meeting with her in person. It's to make her feel better, not me. So, I'll conveniently forget, and when she contacts me, I'll just say I've been busy and that I'll just mail it back to her.

 

After thinking about how she is (and has) treated me, I realized after last night that this really isn't someone I can really be friends with. She only wants what she wants, to the end that it betters her. So, we'll see how her "new relationship" pans out. She told me, "I feel like I don't have to try so hard with him." Wait until they get into their first argument.

 

So, she'll have to chase me to even be friends with me. I won't contact her. I am moving on with my life, and she's starting to see that.

 

-Mike-

[farfrmnormal]

CreoUCLA – I have read many of your posts, most of them in the NC challenge section. Your posts have been informative and interesting. I read your posting about breaking NC 10 days into the second attempt and then read this most recent post about the phone call. I am going to be frank in my response towards what I have read from you.

 

Your first break of NC was when you felt that you could be friends with her and that you no longer needed the NC challenge. You wished us all well and that was that. About 5 days into you thinking you could be friends you realized you couldn’t and came back to NC and stuck to it. Now, 10 days after you broke NC again. What makes you feel that this time is any different for you? It still sounds as if she is manipulative in her ways and by you responding to her e-mail she has gotten a response – which is what she wanted. Does really deserve you as a friend given everything that has transpired in the last two months. I understand that you spent 6 years with this woman and it’s a comfortable place to be, to consider having her as a friend. Personally, I think there are better people out there that deserve your attention (I’m not saying that you are giving her your full attention, but by replying you are giving her some indication that you do still care – she will hold that against you in the future if things were to fall apart, even as friends). It is a downfall that could potentially hurt you in the long run. You mention this new guy – I know how you may feel hearing about a “friendship”, I too am in that position right now. The last thing I want, no matter how strong I feel about myself is to be around to witness that. You say you feel it’s a little early to be getting emotionally involved after a 6 year relationship's – personally you are getting involved in that as well, by having LC with her. You WILL hear when they decide to make it official. Whether you think you can handle it now, when it comes down it, it will most definitely be a different situation and speaking from a personal point of view, no matter how hard I would try to be strong eventually I would break down and it would affect me personally in my healing.

 

So I ask you this – knowing that there is someone else that she potentially has feelings for, do you want to set yourself up for heartache in the future by maintaining contact with her?

[CreoUCLA]

So I ask you this – knowing that there is someone else that she potentially has feelings for, do you want to set yourself up for heartache in the future by maintaining contact with her?

 

You're absolutely right. I came to the conclusion after sleeping on it last night that I can't really be friends with her. I think I'm just getting amusement at how dysfunctional I see her (and what she's doing) right now. But, it does mean I am still somewhat invested.

 

So, I really will not contact her anymore. She thinks we're "friends," but I have to let go and move on. I've had all the closure I needed... She can go find her own without me.

 

-Mike-