Dumped twiced in just over a month, want her back

[programmer]

Hi.

 

 

Like the title says, my ex-girlfriend has dumped me twice within a time-frame of 1 month and 10 days. We had been together for over 4 years. I am soon 27 and she is turning 25.

 

Due to our studies, we was initially having a relationship in the same city, her hometown, so we met each other everyday for one year. She then moved to another city to study while I remained there, so it became long-distance-relationship. In this period we met each other approximately 1 weekend a month. After 1.5 years studying away, she returned to her hometown for a half year trainee period, so the relationship was now not long-distance anymore for half a year. She then moved back to the city she was studying while I moved back to my hometown. The relationship now turned into long-distance again. From then it lasted just over a year until she broke up with me the first.

 

That night we had a fight over telephone, she said she didn't love me anymore, she said that only loved me as a friend. I was totally shocked. She even tried to lie to me that she had been unfaithful to me with a guy she was distance-in-love with several years in a row before she met me let's call him John. I was her first relationship and true love. She said that they had kissed each other and that they had touched each other in intimate places. I was really confused and couldn't believe it. I asked her why she did that and what they exactly had done, I asked her if she had touched his penis, she said yes, only outside his pants she said, she was really slow with her answering, then later she said she said that she had touched him inside as well. I asked her if she had blowed him, she reacted by asking me why I asked so inappropriately! She later in the conversation admited that she couldn't successfully lie to me, she said that she made this story up just to make me mad at her and break up with her.

 

Two months prior to this, we had a fight and I told her that I could not let a girl like her be my girlfriend. She asked me if the relationship was over. I said "what if I say yes, would you have accepted it?". She thought over it for some seconds and answered "yes". I was shocked. I only said it because I was really mad. Asked her how she could be so cold, previously she would have cried and beg me to not do this. She said that she doesn't know why, maybe she didn't love me so much anymore. We had already planned a holiday 1 month after this happened, so I talked her away from that thougth, we were still together, so we didn't break up.

 

In the first break up, she told me and that just days before we travelled for holiday, she had met "John". When she met him, her old feelings for him that she had like 5-7 years ago came back. He was the first guy that she had the first in love feeling for, but they were never together. He had found her phone number and they kept messaging for over a month, like 5-10 messages per day. So it was one month after the holiday that she decided to break up with me. I told her to cut him out, and tell him to not contact her anymore, she refused. She said that she actually missed him more than me. She is asian and he is caucasian, I told her that they didn't have a future together anyway, her parents don't want her to marry with a caucasian. She is the one that I have ever truly loved, and I was the only one who she had ever loved, she had told me this many times. I couldn't not accept this break up and then she later proposed for a break, so that she could find herself and find out of things. She had heard from people that it looked like she and John was interested in each other before. She said that she wanted to ask him about that, and that if she didn't do this it would have bothered her for the rest of her life. I said that it was a long time ago, history, why bring that up. I refused to have a break so she broke up with me. She then asked John if he was interested in her before, he answered no, only as a friend. He told her that she should forget the past and if she had been with me for so long she should really keep up fighting for it if it's worth it. She was disappointed to hear this, I didn't find this out until some weeks later. Before she ended the conversation with me she said that she didn't feel ashamed to do this, she said that she was independent now and doesn't need me anymore. She said "good luck with your life". And said "after all this years, and you say good luck to me?". "It's only a phrase", she replied. I didn't want to end the conversation but she just ended it.

 

Now she had broken up with me for the first time, I couldn't sleep or eat and had a lot of things to do at the university. I searched for help, called a mutual female friend, she said that she will talk to her. I later called her mom, and told her about it. Her family likes me a lot and really hoped that we would have married. They have met my parents as well and like them. She couldn't believe what I told her, and said that maybe my ex girlfriend only said it because she was mad. I said "no, this is serious, and it is another guy involved too, a caucasian". It was hard for her to believe and she said that they her family doesn't want her to be with a caucasian.

 

I talked and messaged to my friend for some days, and a message was mis-sent to my ex-girlfriend, a message where she had previously sent to me where she said how she loved me, and that she loved me more than she loved herself, and would give everything to me.

 

Days later I decided to take the plane I fly to her city to meet her. While at the airport she called me. I was really surprised, didn't know what to say, but eventually answered the phone. She asked me how I was, I was a mess and even pretended to be even more depressed. I begged her to take me back and told her that I will change and will never control her anymore. She told me if she could answer me next day, I said "please, I can't do it anymore, please take me back", she said yes, and I was ofcourse in paradise. I was in tears and asked her if I could come to her now. She said "now!?". "Yes, now! I am at the airport now!" She was really surprised. So I had a weekend at with her at her parents house.

 

After this, I always phone her and texted to her all day long. She was always busy, whenever I called she sounded like she was really busy and always had to end the conversation early. I kept asking her if she had started to love me again, she said that she could not control her feelings and that I had to let her have time and don't pressure her. I was very needy and kept asking her about this all the time.

 

I asked her why she was cold to me lately, and why always busy and not so open with me anymore. She eventually revealed that she had eating disorder. She had had bulimia for 3 months now. It started when she moved home to her parents again, and in this period we also had a bad period with fights.

 

She also had bulimia before our relationship and I found out because she suddenly wanted me to end the relationship, I kept asking her why and she eventually told me about her illness and said she didn't want me to know about it, that's why she wanted me to break up with her. I helped her through this and she got professional help and remained normal for over 3 years until now.

 

I visited her again 3 weeks later and had a lot of sex, I thought it would have helped for restoring our love. This trip was also for helping her with her eating disorder. We went out and danced together on the dance floor, suddenly she just went away from me without saying anything to talk and dance with a guy-friend of ther. I waited for ten minutes for her to come back to me, but she never came back, I went to her and pulled her away, then we left the place and I shouted at her, why she did that to me, she just ran away to another guy. She said that he was just a friend and her permanent dance partner, and that if I wanted to dance with her, why didn't I come to her. I yelled back that she was "dancing with me, and left me without a word, was I supposed to run after you like a jerk?!"

 

She said that I was really scaring ther now. I later apologized to her and she did the same. While returning to her room, I cried and asked her why she didn't love me anymore. She said she really cared about me and doesn't want me to get hurt, I needed to give her time. We had sex afterwards and I asked her if she wanted to have kids with me, she responded "yes, lots of kids". I was a bit confused, why wanting kids with me but not loving me, I thought to myself.

 

Next day I returned home. I kept calling her everyday and she felt that I was nagging her. She regreted that she had told me about her illness. She wanted help from others, not from me or family. So I decided to leave her alone. One week after she called me and said that she has been thinking, broke up with me. I told her to give it more thinking because, she wasn't thinking clearly especially with this illness, she refused, she said that it was enough time for her.

 

I tried to call her up but no response. I called her homephone, her dad picked up the phone and gave it to her. She told me she didn't wanted to talk to me. I phoned again, her dad was confused, he thought her daughter was speaking to me, so he gave her another phone handset. She asked me "do you know that what you are doing is phone terror!?" She layed down the phone to the floor without turning it off, and I kept talking to her how much i loved her, she had music playing on her computer, so I didn't know if she could hear anything, and I gave up after ten minutes. Next day I tried to call her, but she rejected. I phoned her sister, she was busy, so she phoned me later and told me how sorry she was and she will talk to her. I texted to my ex and asked her about her promises to me before, she didn't answer ofcourse.

 

After that I went NC, and it has been 3 weeks. When she broke up with me last time, I refused to have a break up via telephone, so I demanded her to come to my place and break up. She initially didn't want to, but I really demanded it, she said "OK, I will come to you and break up and leave the same day". So it was supposed to be some days ago, but she never came.

 

I'm having birthday next week, and I know I will be even more crushed if she doesn't contact me on my birthday.

 

What should I do? I have been reading the ebooks "How to my ex back" and "Stop divorcing". It helped in the beginning, but I'm feeling bad again. I love her so much, and can't imagine her be with someone else. She has only had sex with me, and it wouldn't be the same if she comes back after having sex with someone else, it loses the precious. I miss her so much, and pray to god everyday for her to come back and love me again.

 

I have started training again but got the flu now, so i'm sick at the moment, perhaps it makes me feel worse.

 

What I haven't mentioned is that she was the one who was interested in me in the first place. She asked me for my phone number and later asked me out. So in the beginning she was the one who loved me more, and then I loved her and knowing how much she loved me I loved her even more.

 

What shall I do if she doesn't wish me happy birthday next week? My female friend thinks it's over 60 percent probability that she will come back to me. My mates tell me to forget her and that she doesn't deserve me, but they don't know how much I love her. All my decision and plans and everything I did had her in mind for the future.

 

I welcome all helpful tips and support.

[KrisAnn]

First of all, I have to admit that I didn't read your entire post - but I did read enough to get the point.

 

In all honesty, it just doesn't seem like she wants this relationship anymore. Sometimes when you're with someone for so long, it's hard to let go if you fall out of love. Knowing how much time and energy you put into a relationship, some people just need to be completely sure before they end it.

 

Unfortunately for you, it seems she's kind of dragging you along on this journey of hers. If I were you, I would cut my losses and just end it yourself if she won't. Being an outsider looking in, it seems to me that the love just isn't there anymore. Prolonging it is only going to hurt you much more.

 

Let go. That's my two cents.

[programmer]

She told me the day she broke up that we doesn't have the chemistry anymore and that she has lost all respect to me. I don't really get it why she says so, I haven't done anything to her. Has she lost respect for me because I really begged her not to break up with me? Still no answer to that...

 

Aslo keep in mind that she is suffering from bulimia, an eating disorder illness. That makes it more complicated. She has to deal with that too, she thinks about food 24/7.

[programmer]

Just as an example. Never post something as long as I did, no-one will bother to read and reply it, except perhaps one person, as in my case. LOL

[LilBear]

Go NC I would say.

 

I told my ex "I am happy for you. Do what you think is best. I'll always be here for you" and the same night he decided he regrets this new gf of his and said that she's "lousy" and the next night, said that this girl will soon be his god sister. But he has photos of her on him.

 

Whatever. I'm using the reverse psychology on him now.